I don't have to be always nice

 

One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making 

the darkness conscious.   (Carl Jung)   

I follow online a smart, young Thai who, among other roles, is a therapist, who hosts a regular Podcast, discussing life issues.  One of his lines from this forum stays with me.  It was expressed in colloquial American terms that I cannot repeat here, but he basically shared that we can feel free not to be nice all the time. Why should we?  Who said to be nice?  We are challenged to be good, not nice.  

I suffer a bad right knee, for which I am about to go into hospital for an operation.  A good coping  mechanism and constant companion over the last two months has been my walking stick, which unwittingly has become a magnet for much kindness.  

My present stick replaces my original one that broke while I was in Vietnam.  The very day it broke, our pilgrimage group was visiting Phat Diem cathedral and diocesan centre.  My first reaction was to feel panicky, wondering what to do, when away from home.  I then purposely stood my ground, took a deep breath and assured myself that God would look after me, as he had all along on this journey with my knee.  That is another story.   

Once again , God did look after me, in the person of a priest who ran the diocesan pilgrim centre.  He heard of my plight from our tour guide and, without question, gave me one of their pilgrim walking sticks, hand carved no less.   He was so happy to help me, insisting that this was pure gift, saying that they can easily make more sticks.  I was so touched by his kindness towards me, someone he had never before met.  

One of our group on the pilgrimage befriended me and kept an eye on me.  She was consistently so kind.   Over my time with my stick, I have had great experiences of kindness from complete strangers - motorbike taxi drivers, helping me on and off their motorbike; Thai Immigration officers taking pity on me and leading me to the head of the queque; fellow tourists helping me on and off a small boat in the Mekong Delta.  The list is endless.  So much kindness, all because I carry my stick.  

That stick made my vulnerability public.  I was reluctant to take it up.  By doing so, I was putting myself at risk, but the exact opposite happened.  Sharing my vulnerability brought out the best in others and I was the happy receiver of their kindness. So, see!  No one has to be perfect.  No has to be nice all the time.  Rather, we are called to be good    

    

Recognize our true leaders

It stays with me that I was recently wandering around Vietnam, with my eyes wide open, being ever in awe, as I met so many kind, admirable, capable souls, who showed so much awareness of the amazing possibilities of life, despite any adversity.  In My Bangkok, I was reminded of this as I encountered one of our own here, making his First Communion at Sunday mass.  

I approached that simple, Sunday event with no great expectation, just a sense of how best to include this young lad on his big day.  Looking back, I saw how he bravely came forward and naturally turned it all around, by showing us how to lead on his big day.  He did so by spontaneously being his confident and friendly self, just like I experienced so often, with so many young people, whom I met on my travels, through Vietnam.  

For me, over the past month, it has been a privilege and an opportunity to meet true world leaders who pop up in my everyday life, in the midst of the unexpected or unplanned.  They are just there living their lives, doing what they need to do along the way, but they are there leading, and I am so thrilled to meet them and have them lead me along the way.   

Vietnam has left its mark

I have been on Sabbatical 2.0, going on a religious pilgrimage and discovery tour to Vietnam.  I am not here to write a travelogue but, in this case, I am so tempted as I had such great adventures and faced truly exciting and new challenges.  And so, Vietnam has left its mark on me.  

Yes, it is a beautiful country, with vibrant and caring people.  Yes, despite all, or because of all it has suffered, a strong Church exists in this land.  Yes, its people have suffered a long history of war and suffering, but they have never been vanquished.  I heard Vietnamese themselves name their strength, the strength of the people of Vietnam - "Forgive and move on, but do remember".  I experienced it as they shared stories of a tragic and violent past, but then simply finished by saying - "that is history".  Powerful!

Over these past days, I have been opened up to a church that has suffered brutal persecution over the last two centuries, or more, but has been left stronger and richer for this bloodied experience.  I wonder if I could suffer such torture and indignity, and come out the other end with their sense of dignity and humanity.  

I was overcome by the story of just one of countless martyrs, St Agnes Le Thi Thanh, a wife and mother (1781-1841),  She was arrested by the Emperor's soldiers for hiding and looking after priests.  She was subsequently imprisoned, tortured and eventually died.  The recounting of how they put poisonous snakes down here pants just made me squirm uncontrollably.  How did these great saints do it?  This is a rhetorical question, if there ever was one. St Agnes named it well, when she described the blood patches on her clothes, to her children, as "these are my red roses of courage. I am suffering in the name of Jesus. ,,,  I will trust and follow Jesus to the end." 

So the Church in Vietnam today stands strong in faith and vibrant in life.  I met a land and a Church full of young people, friendly, competent, confident, entrepreneurial and caring.  Vietnam did leave its mark on me.  I left there, feeling overwhelmed by the experience. I sit with myself in wonder.  The mystery of life is leading me somewhere, but where?  For now, that does not need an answer, just sit in wonder.     

 

Do not gaze upward, but look below

The above line comes from a powerful homily given by Pope Leo at this Christmas Eve mass.  Its context is the following. 

"To find the Savior, one must not gaze upward, but look below; the omnipotence of God shines forth in the powerlessness of a newborn; the eloquence of the eternal Word resounds in an infant's first cry; the holiness of the Spirit gleams in that small body".  

And so, for me, 2026 begins with this as a guiding thought, a shining star. I was then absolutely thrilled to further read his New Year's Day message for World Day of Peace, for he spoke there of the silent revolution of the Gospel.   He spoke of the revolution contained in the risen Jesus' first words to his disciples - "Peace be with you".  

They are so revolutionary for they go against the grain of the natural human instinct, or should I say, what is accepted as the natural ways of humanity.  For who in the world would only arm themselves with the love of God?  Who would become gentle and reconciliatory upon seeing the wounded and afflicted?  Who would relinquish their perceived right to have control and power over the other, especially when the other is wrong?  

The Gospel is revolutionary stuff.  Once we get that, we may come to understand why we are here and what we are on about in this life.  It is a great ideal.  It is sound vision for life, but think about living it everyday.  War is not just out there somewhere.  It begins in the heart, at the grassroots.  Here, we build life and prosper with each other, prosper with our own self, or we don't. 

This past week, I was touched by a true tale in my life.  Here I am again being Fr John and helping another westerner in My Bangkok.  I was asked why I am doing this as the person is most difficult, even self-destructive.  

I naturally responded, "She has rights and she has dignity that must be respected".

The family member replied, "I know very few people like you here at home".

I just naturally thought, "Isn't that what we do?  As Christians?"