What makes one become a bastard?

I was with a good friend today and I barked back immediately at him (as my mum would say) on his asking a simple question.  In the last few months, since the time of mum and dad's death, I have noticed myself living a quieter life, becoming more self-contained, being more reflective, taking less rot from others.  I have started to wonder if that has also included my becoming more of a bastard as along with accepting less of what doesn't matter in life, less of the garbage from others, I seem to snap back more often at ones in my day.  What is this about?  Maybe they deserve it.  Maybe I am giving them some needed honest feedback. 

I don't know.  So I ask the question.  Is this what happens as you get older, when you value more that time is not to be wasted and become more self-confident?  Is it a repercussion of some sort of grieving process?  Is it rising eccentricity due to living alone?  Is it just me? 

So what do I do?  I ring my great and respected mate in Brisbane and ask him straight - is this what happens to me after mum and dad's death?  He answered directly - No!  You have been away so long that you would not be as affected by this as if you were there with them all along.  What is more at play is that you have been living in a brutal environment for so long now that it is taking its effect on you.  Face it, life over there is harsh.  I said - Yes! Underneath all the beauty, dignity and grace of an Asian culture, there is a real ruthlessness.  It is not done as directly as back home but it is just as ruthless here and maybe more difficult to deal with as it is all too subtle within a culture where you are not to show anger or lose face.  Does it take its effect and you never know? 

Once again, I don't know.  I am asking the question, knowing that I can't just escape my reality.  One thing for sure is that I make my greatest mistakes in my life when I rock right in there with the self-assured answers and statements.  I am much better to respond with the questions of life for it is in the questioning that we know our shared humanity, that we know we are all in the same boat, no mattter who we are.   It is in the questioning that we travel as equals, wounded by life but able for the challenges before us together.

The King's Birthday

Yesterday the King of Thailand turned 85 and it was a special day for all Thais to come together and celebrate.  My day had two parts. 

In the morning, I went to an American friend's place for his time to say Thank you and ask blessings for himself, his family and all his friends.  The monks came to offer a blessing, chanting and blessing us with water.  Tony is Thai and American and a Catholic while his family is Buddhist.  So it was a real interreligious celebration with my giving a blessing after the monks left.  It was a lovely occasion and I met some most interesting people, including one of the few Americans here to become a Thai citizen. 

Then, in the evening, I went to a typical Thai community celebration for the King's Birthday.  Once again it was a lovely occasion.  It was an evening of food and entertainment, finishing with everyone paying reverence to the King.  I share here a photo of the entertainment.  You could feel their love for the King.  It was quite touching and I just loved the entertainment which featured the children doing musical items with action.  It was a Thai experience and a good way to enjoy Thai culture. 

A funny thing happened on the way to work.

It is Monday morning in Bangkok and here I am at the office already.  To get to my Caritas office, I get the bus to Tesco Lotus at Rama III.  Sounds easy enough?  Well, it should be until you have to name your stop to the Thai bus conductor. 

The Thais just say "Lotus" but in their own way.  If you just say "Lotus" as we say it, they will never understand you.  The problem is that this is one word I have never been able to get around.  Well today, I had to face the challenge as I was asked where I was getting off, and there was no way I was going to get around facing this challenge. 

So there I was and said yet again "lo-tis" (as it sounds to them).  The conductor didn't understand.  I might as well be going to Mars.  I tried again and again and again.  Then she said in their way "lo-taaas".  I said "chai" ('yes' in Thai).  Then she said to everybody on the bus "LO-TAAAS" and they all laughed.  Well, I tell you that I sure know now how to say "Lotus" in Thai now.  This is one sure way of learning and all I could do was smile as they all laughed.  What else can one do? 

RIP Denise

This has been some week.  An insight into the magnitude of the week that is mine is the loss of Denise and how quickly it all happened. 

Norm was our cook at Echuca where I was parish priest between 1999 and 2002.  He and Denise, his wife, along with their lively, well loved and not so little family all became part of my life.  Norm and Denise have been my great mates ever since and we have even met here in Thailand, down in Phuket for some eventful and memorable coming togethers. 

On Tuesday, I got an email from the family that Denise was to die soon.  I emailed back the next day a message of love and solidarity, only to get the news on Thursday that she has died that day.  I felt sad and shocked.  Today is Friday and it all seems so quick, so surreal.  I can only imagine how Norm and the family feel. 

Denise was one of those larger than life characters.  She and Norm were the best of mates.  They did everything together - family, entertaining, holidays, travel, haircuts (as one daughter is a hairdresser), cooking, St Vincent de Paul and so the list goes on.  It was like where one was, so was the other.  You never just had one friend, you had two.  They were both very different in their own way but always a delight together or separately. 

I can see Denise being there at home reading or doing the crossword puzzle, while getting the dinner or herself ready for the night ahead.  It would be the picture of her having her hair up in curlers ready to be the star yet again that night. 

You see Norm and Denise's life had been running a pub or a restaurant.  So they were always together running the show with the children nearby.  Denise was the publican's wife, always ready for a chat and able to engage anyone in a conversation.  So she always had a consoling word, an understanding ear or just a simple hug with the invite to sit down here and have a drink.  It would always be - "It'll be allright, John" - and then a big smile, a laugh and maybe a kiss on the cheek. 

What a great woman!  You might have gone quickly, Denise, but you won't be forgotten that quickly.  You have left us something to remember.  To the Denises of our life!

Another year - a time to reflect

Well, today is my birthday and Sunday was the last Sunday of the Church year.  So it is a natural time for me to stand back and reflect and take count. 

To be honest neither has been the immediate impetus for my sitting down and writing this at such at an early time in the morning.  They serve rather as the context for my motivation which comes from watching last night's Q&A on the Australian Network.  Q&A is a weekly political and social forum put on by the ABC where politicians, thinkers, writers, actors and others respond to the questions of the public audience. 

The issue once again was asylum seekers and the government's handling of it.  One member of the night's panel, a playwright, spoke like this on the issue. 
  "Not enough Australians care enough about these poor bastards to make a difference."
I would have gone one step further and said that not enoiugh Australians seem to know anything beyond their own limited experience of life and so they don't even know about these poor bastards in any real and rational way.  They only know what they hear and read. 

Then the other side was expressed.  It went like this. 
  The government is about stopping people smugglers and controlling who comes to Australia. 
Both stances may be admirable and justifiable when looking at the role of government but they just lack any sense of compassion. It is just a blatant, public presentation of the party line without any expressed sense of being with these poor bastards. 

Senator Penny Wong was there from the government side.  When questioned about another present and pressing social issue - gay marriage - she was full of compassion.  On asylum seekers, her public demeanour was the party line - people smugglers and controlling the borders - with a basic lack of compassion. 

I ask where is the consistency?  How do you be so full of compassion on one issue of social justice and so lacking on another?  What is it that we don't get on asylum seekers and refugees?  Or maybe we do get it and so we act in response according to specific interests.  They just aren't always the interests of the underdog. 

The now deceased but great Cardinal Bernadin of the US Church was the one who noted that all social justice issues lie together.  One cannot be looked at in isolation from another.  His image was that of the seamless garment which cannot be dissected to be fixed.  It has to repaired as a total garment or not at all. 

He came and he went

Well, Obama did come to town last Sunday and stayed the night.  I never saw him but knew he was here because I saw him on the news.  By now, he is back in the US for Thanksgiving.  Life does move at a pace and we keep going on. 

Bon Jovi has had to deal with his daughter's recent drug overdose and I am impressed by his approach to this time of distress and worry.  He just said:
"It's human.  What I do for a living seems glitzy and glamorous but if you don't take it too seriously it's a great way to make a living.  And then life goes on.  Things happen.  This tragedy was something that I had to face too.  So we'll get through it." 

All this so fits in with this upcoming Sunday as it is the last Sunday in the Church year.  It is the end of one year and the start of another for the Church.  It is a time to look back, reflect, learn and move on in faith. 

Next week sees the Thai festival of Loy Krathong which comes at the end of rainy season.  It is a lovely festival with a wonderful ritual in which all participate.  The ritual involves making your own symbolic float which features a lit candle and incense sticks, a piece of your hair, a finger nail and a coin, all placed on a banana leaf or similar environmentally friendly base that you can let go into the water - a lake, a river, a pond.  The symbolism is about asking forgiveness of the water goddess for having polluted the waterways and showing gratitude to the same goddess for her gracious gifts.  As well, it is about asking for forgiveness generally and seeking good luck and good wishes for the year ahead.  It is a colourful and moving ritual joined by all in Thailand, telling us that we do do wrong but we can move on in gratitude. 

It is all very human, as Bon Jovi says. 

Obama's coming

Obama will be in town this weekend.  It will be a big show feting a big world leader who comes to visit on his way to Myanmar.  There will be lots of people, lots of security, lots of excitement, lots of activity in Bangkok for his visit.  It will be an exciting and colourful event but it will also be chaotic as there will be the inevitable, and much more so, traffic chaos at play. 

I guess that reflects life.  Amid all of its excitement and happinees and successes, there is the other side, the chaos and messiness that we only know so well.  It is as if the two sides go together.  Maybe one side sustains us, while the other teaches us.

I have been reading a lot this week about the horrific child sexual abuse issue in Australia.  As I follow a side presented by the Australian Catholic Church, I have come to name that the 'powers that be' in the Church have set up over the last 30 years a 'medieval bubble' which has become so divorced from our reality of the 21st century.  It is a bubble from which you tell people what to do, while not listening to them.  It is a bubble from which one appears princely and arrogant and just so above people's everyday reality.  It does not seem to allow for an understanding of the chaos and messiness within which people live and have to cope. 

There is still that other side in the same Church that I also saw this past week, screaming to be free of this bubble, living in the 21st century, listening rather than telling and helping rather than controlling. 

I am sure there is a connection between these two big stories of this week.  The chaos of a Bangkok will cope with the glory of an Obama visit and will continue to go on after all the glory and excitement of his visit have subsided.  Such is life and its power to keep on moving!  Let's enjoy it!