And what about those foreigners?

My home turf

I am always on about the locals but a definite part of the local scene is us western guys and I assure you we have our own level of bizarreness as well.  We are just different. 

My western neighbours are all good guys but, as I think of them, their stories in my Bangkok are right before me and I shudder at times.  Yes, they are all male and all older. 

There is the Irish guy who says he should never drink again or he will die but he keeps going out on binge drinking escapades which always cause him some level of discomfort.  His latest escapade saw him wake up the next morning with his phone and a front tooth missing.  He remembered nothing but first thought that he had been bashed while out to it.  On investigation, he worked out that he had simply lost his phone and had fallen in the bathroom.  A better tale of woe, I thought.

There is the American guy, whom I name as the gentle giant.  He saw action in Iraq and ends up in Bangkok non-stop for ten years.  In that time, he has never returned home, not even to see his new grandchildren.  What is he doing here that is so important?   One thing he is doing is literally drinking himself to death.  It is so sad watching such a nice guy destroying his life.

There is an American who had lived here 12 years.  On retirement and due to a health condition, he returned home to live.  Well, he is back here at the moment for a holiday.  His condition has deteriorated so seriously that he is unable to look after himself properly.  Yet he stills comes here when he is in need of constant care.  Why?  As I piece his story together, I see a man who has been bright and gifted, living all his life working all around the world.  In doing so, he never established roots or a home, he never formed a relationship with a significant other.  So it would seem he belongs nowhere and to no one.  His only home remains on the other side of the Pacific, Bangkok, where he has the ones he calls his only true friends, all older western guys.  So here he comes but so sad to see a man falling apart, unable to care for himself, just landing in Bangkok which is seemingly the only home he ever had but now the reality is that this is no longer his home. 

What happens to these men?  Maybe the key word is "reality".  Bangkok is a place where these guys can live their life in a fantasy.  What we, western guys of Bangkok, have in common is we all have a story.  I would define that as being at the core of our humanity.  What is a key differentiator among the western, male population here is fantasy versus reality.  It is about how we live our story - in a destructive fantasy or in a challenging reality?  We choose.   

Personal Authority

General Prayuth, our PM, and his many lookalikes. 

Earlier this month, I was asked on Facebook by an Australian friend if it was true that the Thai PM had presented a cardboard cutout of himself to a press gathering for them to question instead of him.  Well, it was true.  Apparently, a number of cutouts of the PM had been made for the annual Thai Children's Day.  The creative idea was for children coming to visit parliament to see friendly images of their PM.  The PM took it one step further and presented his cutout lookalike to the press for them to quiz on the day.  This is an exhibition of how authority is exercised in an overly hierarchical society, where status and position are everything. 

Remember back in December at my workplace, there was a robust discussion which impacted upon me?  Well, I decided I had to act as one staff member too many had gotten angry with me once too often.  Something was wrong or not being understood and I needed to act as the one with responsibility in the place.  So I initiated an assessment of myself in my role among the staff to which all replied.   

The big issue as always is communication and I recognise my faults.  Involving people but in Thailand, also at play are culture and the exercise of power Thai style.  It is fascinating for me to be in the middle.  What I see as an outsider is two opposing forces - one is the general expectation to have much discussion while authority is ultimately exercised in an autocratic style and by a Thai. The expressed expectation by some is that authority be exercised in a more autocratic style and not in shared, western liberal ways which is my style. 

I am not sure what I am caught in the middle of as I may be the boss in name but the reality is that I am the outsider, the foreigner in a Thailand, never being aware of all that is going on around me.  I am not complaining.  I know my place and that is okay.  I am just naming my situation where I feel inadequate in the midst of the unknown.

In response, the position I am assuming is that we all have our personal authority within our shared reality.  As we work together, we need to each respect the other's personal authority, no matter who they are, just as the other respects mine. 

My chosen response gives me a way of approaching what I experienced at our first weekly staff briefing which I have initiated on receiving the staff assessment of my role.  What I observed was how senior figures exercised their authority, either given or assumed.  In part, it is culturally determined; in part, is is personally determined.  I observed the senior Thai male among the group making a point with a smile but what he was saying was a serious matter for him and he was asserting his own authority.  I would name it as a power play.  It does concern me.  Basically, not to follow what he was saying regarding an upcoming work meeting could be read as a possible action against his own self-assumed authority.  He exercises authority and power as he has learnt it in his culture and so it can be quite autocratic.  That needs to be respected. 

Culturally and from every other perspective, I decide to respond by listening, hearing the point and standing back to decide what is best within the total picture, acting with my own personal authority, acting for compromise and not come in and act as an autocrat.  That would just be destructive and self-defeating.  I will encourage staff accordingly to assume their own power in good and healthy ways, making the decisions they need to make and thus exercising their own personal authority.  We respect each other and thus work together, even if in somewhat dysfunctional ways.  We are dysfunctional together? 

Amazing Thailand!  Amazing humanity!   

It's all show

What is inside

 

At the cathedral, they have this most exquisite piece for housing the Book of Gospels which is so special and sacred to the church.  On Sunday, when this was before me, I had to have a look.  So I opened it up and saw what was inside.  I was shocked.  The outside is so beautiful and exquisite as it should be, while inside it is just so ordinary, lain paper on which they print or paste the gospel readings.  Opening up the Book of Gospels was such a let down as it was all about presentation. 


This acts as a good reflection on life's realities in my Bangkok.  So much is about presentation but where is the substance which is often lacking? 

All the best for 2018

This little guy is a regular at Sunday mass.  He comes immaculately dressed every Sunday, as do his mum and dad.  They are quite the family, taking incredible pride in their dress and with a different outfit every week.  They are here from Nigeria. 

How do they do it?  I imagine it would be a full-time job for his mum just to dress this little guy as she does but, not so, as she has a regular and demanding job in town.  So just amazing! 

When they are not at church, I miss them as as all three are such effervescent and colourful characters.  They stand out in the crowd and are part of my Sunday fix. 

Well, here is Junior arriving at church for New Year's Day.  His outfit for the day just took the cake.  He looked so cute and was so happy that I had to take a picture.  He made my New Year's.  This is my shot for the beginning of 2018.  Blow the fireworks.  Thanks mum.  Thanks Junior. 

Happy New Year and all the best for 2018.  Let the picture express the message.    

Hope is never ending

Two outstanding participants among the young Burmese

It is Christmas and end of the year all in one.  Despite whatever may be going in my life and world, I always feel a sense of overwhelming joy and excitement at this time of the year.  For me, it is the nature of the season.  I am aware of the difficulties and challenges around me but they never drown out the surpassing joy and excitement.  Then I found this past week support for my maybe innocent or misguided stance in life from most surprising sources.

One was in visiting a gathering of young Burmese migrant workers here in Bangkok.  They were gathered for a day of celebration to mark the end of the year.  During the year, they enjoy the Caritas outreach which brings them together for opportunities in education and vocational training.  These young adults know more difficulty and challenge than most at their age but being with them all I could feel was their sense of vigor, zest for life and joyful hope.   Being with them nourished and refreshed me.  They were life giving.

The other source was much more distant but just as real.  It came to me through a powerful song sung by children suffering in war torn Syria, named "Heartbeat" and produced by UNICEF.  In the midst of death and destruction, their voice for life and hope spoke loud and clear.  In the midst of devastation, they sung with joy, affirming that "dreams we built together will all come true".

From brokenness and vulnerability comes the strongest and most gut wrenching message for hope and life in our world.  Christmas is truly a time for joy and excitement.  Let it not be killed by any force.  Just let it live on. 

Happy Christmas!

I don't understand

A Christmas scene in Bangkok

So close to Christmas and a bottom line in my Thailand remains stuck at "I don't understand".  This was the bottom line of a robust discussion in my office where one Thai staff member got angry with me over 'I am not sure exactly why'.  I ask myself - what is it that I am not getting here? 

The scene was that I was acting to help staff deal with a situation in the office.  Obviously my presentation of my defence got her angry.  I won't go into the issue but just say that as I spoke, I became aware that I did not know all the facts but only the facts made available to me.  Whatever the case, all I was doing was trying to be helpful and explain matters when I was confronted by her anger, with the bottom line given to me -  "I just do not understand you".  I could honestly reply that I do not understand either.  Why all this anger?  I was not angry. 

Then all this anger was lumped onto me and I found myself reacting inside with anger as why should I be getting this blast?  I did my best to stand back and not get angry as vented anger goes nowhere and becomes counterproductive, expecially here where no one deals with confrontation.  Yet, as I said at the time, it is good to get angry.  I believe this even though anger is never easy.

And you know?  Anger can produce positive results as it did in this case.  The outcome was that there is spoken agreement that we don't understand each other and that we need to talk more.  Maybe Christmas is the right time to have such a discussion as it leads to needed growth which never comes easily.  It involves hard work and comes at a cost.  There is no magical way.   

Yes, I might want Christmas all year round but it has to be about much more than sweet sounding melodies and everyone being happy and nice.  It does not happen by magic.  It takes hard and uncomfortable work which will be done in the hope of creating of creating greater understanding.  This speaks of a world that is more Christmassy, a world where people can somehow operate together, care for each other more and show each other a smile instead of a frown.   Christmas is not about the simplistic and unreal approach of never crying and never pouting.   So let Christmas roll on!

We never stop learning

Advent Wreath

Well, it is that time of year, the lead up to Christmas, which, for the Church, is the season of Advent, a season of waiting or more poignantly of eager expectation.  The great symbol of Advent is the Advent wreath which has four candles, one for each of the four Sundays of Advent.  So as you go through the Sundays, you light the next candle until only the Christ candle in the centre is left for Christmas Day.  Marvellous!

Then today at mass, I learn from the Monsignor that the symbolism gets even better as the four candles symbolise in turn hope, peace. joy, love.  I never knew that.  How true that you never stop learning.  For some reason, learning this simple insight just blew me away.  Why?

Maybe, it is the world we live in as we so need each of those four values to be alive and flourishing in our midst. 

Yes, I love Christmas.  It has never been just for gifts and shopping but for the spirit, the symbols, the colour, the beauty, the catchy melodies, the joy.  All this I experience at this time of the year.  It is like I can never get enough of it.  Then I ask why can't it be like this all year?  Well, for one thing, the tree and the decorations and the silly music are not there all the time to make us feel good as it all just does not fit for a year round event.  Still maybe we could make them be there all year round so that life feels good the whole year.  That is one way to go. 

There again, that is not being realistic.  It has to be more than feel good.  We have to do good and make good.  Life, like all of us, is a mixed bag but let us all remember where we want to be - on the side of hope, peace, joy and love.   We can never get enough of Christmas and we need it right now.