That's what friends are for!

During the week, I had dinner with a good friend.  She was upset about something and wanted to talk.  Apparently, in the last week, a long term friend had challenged her with a personal issue and she had found it hurtful.  When she began her story with sharing the opening line of her friend's challenge to her, I thought, "Oh, my God!" 

Why?  It began with the classic
"It's because you are a friend that I am telling you this."

Experience tells me to watch out when someone begins with a line like this as it is probably going to be a bombshell and this one was. 

There may have been basis for concern and the issue may be real but it was all approached the wrong way as she was confronted with the judgement already made for her, telling her what was wrong and what she should do about it.  She was also confronted with how all her friends have made the same judgement and have been talking about her.  It was now this friend's dutiful position and perceived right to tell her all.  It is all a bit presumptuous. 

Not the way to go!  That is my take and is based on my own experience of such wonderful acts of kindness done by good friends out of their sense of duty.  Why do they think they need to act as judge for the sake of another?  People have to make their decisions for their lives and come to them in good ways for themselves.  The 'dive bomber' approach of any good friend is not helpful and produces ill feeling that adds to any issue that may be at play. 

Such an approach shows a lack of respect for the person targeted, making their decision for them and not letting them see what is at play for themselves.  There is the sense of betrayal as the one confronted thinks that these are my friends but they talk about me and one of them just confronts as if I am the problem and have all the problem; as if I am bad.  "I'm not!"

There are better ways to approach issues with friends as a friend.  Spanish has a great word to describe it - "companero".  This means being a companion on the journey with each other, instead of just dutifully coming in and pronouncing judgements for the other to deal with. 

Then there is that song that comes to mind.  It is Dionne Warwick's "That's What Friends Are For". 
It goes like this. 
"Keep smiling, keep shining 
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure 
That's what friends are for 
For good times and bad times 
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for" 

I did feel for my friend and understood and even felt her hurt.  This is for her. 

Yes, it was Mother's Day in Thailand.

Monday was the Queen's Birthday in Thailand.  It was also Mother's Day.  It is a day that focuses on honouring the Queen.  There are government funded, community celebrations to which they all turn up, get free food, talk and watch the entertainment provided by the children.  If there are enough funds, the show will finish with fireworks. 

Tuesday, I went along as the Director of NCCM - National Catholic Commission on Migration - with our delegation to meet the Government Director of anti-Trafficking in Women and Children.  Yes, that happens here and out of here.  Trafficking is the modern day and quite antiseptic term for what used to be called slavery.  Name it for what it is. 

Then Thursday was the Feast of the Assumption of Mary.  I went to the nearby Marist Brothers' community for mass and dinner to celebrate the feast.  They had a visitor who was another one of those great characters in life that you would only meet living in a Bangkok.  She was a woman from Costa Rica working here with ECPAT - End Child Pornography and Trafficking - which has its international base here. 

So it has been somewhat a Week for Women and Children, recognising their strength and goodness and acknowledging how they can be abused and put down by evil forces in our world. 

My Thursday and Friday were spent at a consultation workshop on urban refugees.  The participants were refugees themselves and ones from NGOs working for them.  In one exercise, we were asked to name the players in the life of refugees, identifying how powerful and helpful each player was in helping refugees in their plight.  As I did the exercise, I could see that powerful players were not necessarily the most helpful, but could be the exact opposite.  I could also see that the real power did not necessarily belong to those so readily named as being the most powerful, even if they are the big and strong government and non-government institutions dealing in this area. 

The real power lay with the refugees themselves.  As I heard their able representatives share their stories and saw what they were doing to act on their lives, they gave me life and hope in what can be a most frustrating and tiring field of work and ministry.  For the wider refugee population, no matter how despairing their lot may be, I could see that it becomes a challenge of recognizing their power for themselves and seizing it to act for good in their lives. 

They can do it!  That was my catch cry by the end of Friday.  If they can act for themselves in facing up to such hardships as they know, so can we all!

We're all included

This is the icon of the Ascension.  It shows Mary in the midst of the apostles, with the risen Jesus there above them commissioning them to go forth.  As I count the apostles, I count only 10 but, with the demise of Judas, there should be 11.  So where is the 11th?  It is the person contemplating the icon - me.  That person becomes the 11th apostle.  That is the nature of the icon as it draws in the ones who are contemplating it. 

 

This gem of spiritual wisdom was shared during my week by Br Emili, the Superior-General of the Marist Brothers.  I was impressed by him as a most spiritual man.  Like me, he was at Hua Hin for the first Chapter of the Brothers' new Marist District of Asia. 

 

This whole initiative of the Marist Brothers focusing on mission in Asia arose out of a Church push to make this millennium the Millennium for Asia.  As we reflected at their chapter, we recognised how God has been here all along in a continent so rich in culture, history, religion and tradition.  So it was never about coming here to give God but to discover the God who is here.  They talked of the Asian face of God and the rich spirituality surrounding rice which is so much more than just a basic food. 

 

What impressed me about the group at this gathering of the Brothers and those who journey with them is how people of spirituality come to a foreign continent and recognise the God here and allow that God to speak to them.

 

Surviving in Bangkok

Yeah, that's right!  One way to survive in Bangkok is to smile a lot.  Maybe not a lot of Thais smile in Bangkok as it is another big city with all that goes with that.  Still they call Thailand "The Land of Smiles".  They all love a smile here and such a simple gesture can get you a long way.  That's the same anywhere, isn't it? 

I'm into survival mode thinking at the moment, not for me, but for the urban refugees in Bangkok.  They need to stay out of trouble and keep low so as to survive difficult times they know in living here and this is my topic at a UNHCR orientation for new arrivals to be held this coming week. 

I'm at a meeting during the week with UNHCR there and I am sharing on my present vision for helping the refugee population arising out of their increasingly dire predicament here.  I am about there not being enough help available to respond to the need and that it does not work helping just a few in the midst of such a high needs population as you are  not responding fairly and equitably to the whole population which then indulges in all sorts of undignified behaviour to get help.  In the whole process, these people can lose their dignity and sense of self-respect as they fight, cry and beg for help. 

I was dumbfounded by a UNHCR officer at the meeting who expressed his amazement that we talking about such a topic.  It may not have been on the agenda nor about policy but this is a bread and butter issue.  He may not have wanted this topic discussed but I got my issue aired and out there in that forum.  So I was happy. 

It made me think - "How true, Pope Francis!  The Church is not to become an NGO."