Fame and power

I am here with Caritas Thailand. I see the good being done in so many ways but I also see the pitfalls. Development is in part a business. That is okay with me and I understand that but it is when the business aspect is too highly emphasized.

Here I am part of a Church that is highly motivated in doing business. Its business achieves good but I see how we devalue our ideals when we emphasize business over what really matters - the gospel and the relationships we engender in following it. Those relationships must be treasured and respected above all, and not abused for the sake of doing business, no matter how valuable that business is for doing good. Otherwise, we run the risk of compromising our integrity and the integrity of the gospel. Neither we nor we in relationship nor the gospel can ever be compromised by the demands of business, even in the business of doing good.

This demands more explanation or opening up. To do this I need more time as it is all too difficult for me to encapsulate the topic right now, and I don't have to for now.

The hazard in helping.

In today's local English newspaper, there is an article featuring Phra Anil, a Thai Buddhist monk. He is leading the Supreme Patriarch's present flood relief effort. (The Supreme Patriarch is the closest the Buddhist monks of Thailand would have to someone being the local Cardinal or Pope.) As such, he is responsible for the distribution of a huge amount of aid being donated by the Buddhist world in Asia. Phra Anil names it as "a surge of compassion from around Asia".

As he reflects on the experience of helping flood victims, he finishes the article with an insight. It goes like this.
"As much as the current crisis is an opportunity to show compassion,
compassion is easily corrupted by the lure of fame and power."

I think, "How true!"

My Bangkok

It may seem cruel to say this but 'my Bangkok' never flooded and I assess that it never will in the midst of this terrible disaster for Thailand. There is an inland sea around us but it has never reached my doorstep.

There are reasons for this. The basic one is that they want to save Bangkok as best they can. That is the choice of the government and I can understand why. So they are pumping water out to get it to sea via other directions and this means that other parts of this region are suffering terribly.

This decision comes at a tremendous cost for others. The inland sea remains, creating havoc for so many, while the authorities do what they can to pump it out and while we all wait and see what course nature takes as that is the superior force at play.

So while the disaster goes on and on, my sense today is the critical period is past for central Bangkok as I see the old 504 bus return after being stopped by the floods. 504 is one of my usual ways of getting to the Bangkok Refugee Centre which has been at the southern edge of slowly approaching floodwaters from the north. I also see that these same approaching floodwaters have receded.

The floods have not come to my Bangkok but they are still here and they are still causing a lot of pain and destruction and terror for the people. I may have my new found sense of personal safety and I may feel more relaxed for the first time in quite awhile but it all comes with a cost and I wonder. I so feel for the ones sitting in these awful waters for weeks. It makes me ask - why me? - even when I wish these waters on no one, even myself.

Disaster has hit

Yesterday, I had lunch with a great priest friend here. He is a New Zealander. We enjoyed our lunch and time together and then we asked for the bill. Believe it or not, dealing with paying bills can be a challenge in Bangkok as there is a real Thai way in approaching such a task. They hover over you while you work out the money and they have their set way of dealing with it. It is all like they don't trust you and that they think you will run away without paying. It is part of here that I have never got used to.

Well, I know all this as I have lived here for six years but yeterday I lost it when facing this everyday task in Thailand. I asked the waitress for change so that I could put in my share of the bill. She then said - No! You have to pay the bill! It was not what she said but that her approach was so arrogant that I just lost it there and then. I thought I am not going to take this as I am the customer.

I realised afterwards that I should not have lost it as it never achieves anything except I get upset. Obviously, something was lost in the translation - I think. As my mate said, that is your head talking but we are much more than that and more important parts were at play.

On further reflection, I realised that this whole situation of living in Bangkok surrounded by a disaster and working under such pressure as a result are all taking its toll. This may explain my reaction to the waitress and help me understand what is happening within me but it is no excuse. So I did go back and apologise to the woman and I have made a resolution - be gentle on myself and on others.

Meanwhile, my mate still did enjoy the lunch.

A typical disaster

Well, I am still here in Bangkok. I have not been in touch because my life has just been so full-on with work and issues arising from it and life in general. Funny, I so hate using the word 'busy' that I use any other sort of term for it. Maybe it has become my hang-up in response to how I experience others using it all the time. It is as if all the world is just too busy but we can't be busy all the time and always need to remember what really matters in life.

The floods are all around Bangkok and in various parts of it. I have even seen them near where I work at Bangkok Refugee Centre. It sounds like extra-terrestrial sightings. The fact remains that so much of central Bangkok still remains dry and so do I. This makes for a funny feeling. You feel as if you are in a siege situation. You can see signs of that as buildings all around have huge sandbag barriers in front of them but still no water after so many weeks. It is like waiting for the Battle of Britain.

Bangkok remains an eerie sort of place in which to live. Then there is also the guilt. You feel guilty not having floodwaters under your feet as you know so many others are suffering but you aren't and should be. Funny that - as I don't want to be flooded, especially with all the yuck and awful things in it.

This disaster goes on and on. It is not just as simple as - there are floods, they come and then you clean up. It seems to just go on forever and you come to a point where you just have to say - life has to go on and when and if they come, so be it. This is not a typical Brisbane flood disaster. This is drawn out and the time it takes is itself taking its toll on everyone. There is the lack of good information on which to make any plans. People are stressed just by the nature of the threat and the time it is taking. It is not just the flooding itself. You feel stressed but you get on with it.

I have a motto for my work with urban refugees - just do what you can. That is fast becoming my overall motto for all my work in this unique disaster.

Who is running the show?

In today's Bangkok Post, the story reads - Cause was heavy rain, not mismanagement. This was proclaimed by the Governor of the Electricity Generating Authority of Thailand (EGAT).

In the same paper, there is an article slamming the Prime Minister of Thailand for her lack of leadership in the midst of this crisis.

It would seem that not all political sides can be right on everything. There is the real story but that may have to come out with time. I don't know what is what. I don't need to know either. I just live here. All I can see is that there is a natural disaster at play in Thailand and many people are suffering and need help. Many others live under threat of this same disaster which is still unfolding.

I do know that my boss at Bangkok Refugee Centre now has water around her house. She expects the water to come into her house soon and that it will stay there for sometime. She lives in the north of Bangkok. I know this because I just spoke with her. She is upset and I just feel for her. All this I know - real people are being flooded and they are suffering. Many other things we may not know about this flood. For now it seems all we can do is sit with the reality and help those who are suffering while their number is increasing daily. We can only deal with the daily reality for now in the midst of the crisis and the chaos that is ours. We do our best and keep up those spirits, no matter what.

In the midst of all this, there is a political story. I don't know what it is. I only hear the talk and read the stories. For now, what matters is to deal with the crisis and help the people. The political outfall can come later and someone will deserve an apology as everyone can't be all wrong or all right - can they?