The wedding that was

Well, last Saturday's wedding did occur and it was very pleasant.  I did go to the reception and I was glad I went for I got the background story and warning for an upcoming baptism.  Yes, the bride and groom are expecting.

This was an absolute first for me.  No, not that they are having a baby but that they used their reception as the public platform to announce the news and that this was followed by their running a competition for their guests on guessing the sex of the baby.  There was even prize money for the first opened correct entry.  All this at one of the poshest hotels in the country.  Different!

My first reaction was one of internal disbelief and discomfort.  Shouldn't they have told me before the wedding?  I thought - Hold on!  Do not react.  Do not try to control the situation.  Just see where it goes. 

What I saw was how everyone present was so happy and supportive, even in a conservative Thailand where prestige and public presentation are everything.  I reflected how the Church needs to reform itself so as to be able to speak to people today in their reality, instead of always being seen as standing above and telling people what to do with sex and their private lives.  The Church is too much about upholding a morality that it uses to pronounce from on high.  I am not advocating that that the Church simply be relevant or abandon good and needed values and a challenging vision needed for life and the uplifting of humanity.  God forbid! 

Rather it is about being able to lead by being with people and not above them, by affirming them ore and condemning them less, realising that control never works.  They will ultimately do what they decide to do.  Despite a controlling Church and even controlling society, people make their choices.  Their chioices may not be in line with a Church stance nor with the rule of the elite in any society but that does not make their actions intrinsically evil.  People are just being people.  Let them relish their exploring more and let them enjoy the journey more.

The world is a mess but it is always thus.

I have another wedding this Saturday.  Once again, here in Thailand, the wedding is between a Catholic and a Buddhist.  He is Filipino, she is Thai.  Hence they have me, as they want the ceremony in English.  Once again, they want all the trimmings.  Personally and theologically, when it is a marriage between a Christian and a non-Christian, I am not sure why they always demand to celebrate their marriage within the eucharist. 

It seems illogical to me when at least half the people there, including one of the two getting getting married, have no idea at all of what is happening as they are not Catholic.  Secondly, in marriage, we celebrate unity but, with eucharist in the same celebration, we highlight disunity as one partner and one whole side of this new family cannot share eucharist as it is not their belief.  Then there is the added factor of language as the celebration is in English and many present will not understand English.  So why bother?  There are just so many mixed messages in the one celebration.  Basically, we are highlighting disunity while our focus is celebrating unity.  What is religion about?   

Another couple agreed with me that celebrating their marriage during mass was contradictory when one of them held no religion.  The Catholic partner had then told a Thai Catholic friend that the wedding ceremony would not include mass and the response of the good Catholic was one of shock as mass would act to make for a successful marriage.  Really, even when one partner has no religion?   Is religion reduced to superstition? 

Back to this Saturday's couple.  As usual, they are lovely people but I have to ask - where do they come from?   Why come to the cathedral to get married?  Why get married during mass?  

I did raise the issue of not celebrating the marriage within mass with this couple and I was asked a question by the Catholic groom. 
How long does it take with the mass? 
About 50 minutes, I responded.
The groom, who is the Catholic, replied - That is good timing for the reception.  So we will have mass.
So in this case, is it all reduced to timing? 

I wanted to share another story of this week.  Briefly, it concerns a well bred, older, educated American who comes here every six months.  He is full of how the world is spinning out of control, especially under a Trump presidency.  It is as if his life mission is world salvation.  For him, it is all about talking and philosophising so as to try and bring the world under his cloud of control.  If no control, it will not work.  I agree, the world is a mess but it always has been.  Reality is I cannot solve it and neither is it my place to do so alone. 

My point in both stories of this week is really about how religion has been lost in our world, when our world so needs it so as to provide an ethic for order and unity.   When religion is so needed, it is either not understood and so not used or abused to present what it is not about.  What then is religion about? 

A key is in the gospel for this week's wedding - building our house on a solid foundation.  One basic premise is that it is not my house alone.  We then build our house together with God.  The world is a mess.  That is for sure.  True religion aims to make sense out of the chaos and so give us a sure foundation in the midst of the chaos that is with us always.

They're dead. Let them be.

This coming week sees the fifth anniversary of my mum and dad's death.  They died in the same week.  

Each year around the anniversary of my parents, one part of my family will put photos of their grandparents on Facebook and each year I cringe.  My inner response is  - They're dead.  Let them be.  Why keep bringing them up for the whole world to see?  

Life is never perfect.  Imperfections reign in all our lives.  I had wondered what would happen to all the hard bits, the unresolved matters at hand that had built up in dysfunctional ways over the years in my relationship with mum and dad.  On their death, I found out.  There was a natural and sudden letting go.  It all just happened.  It was the miracle for me of their death.  Everything was resolved and I was left with grateful memories and fond thoughts of  two people who loved me deeply.

Any conflict I had with them over my 55 years was resolved.  Any bad memories were gone.  Any fear I had of what next in the control line with them no longer mattered.  My only natural, inner stance was to be ever thankful for mum and dad, appreciating that they were good and kind people who always did their best to do the right thing by me.  They loved me, loved me as much as they possibly could, and that was it.  They were now gone to God, remaining ever close in a new way.  It was that simple.  No need to explain anything.

So why keep bringing them back in a public forum through Facebook?  Just let them be.   I don't get it.  I even don't like it as I would think that mum, who was such a private person, would hate to see she was put up for public display on a Facebook page.  We do such things for ourselves.  There is no need to do anything for mum and dad now other than pray with and for them, and remember them with love, gratitude and fondness.   What more can we do?  No more.  

They lived a lifetime together.  They loved their family together. They died together.  They did what they could.  It is that simple.  Let them be with God.  That is how I see it.

Why is The Question

My social work training taught me never to ask the "Why" question when helping people.  Ask all the other questions - who, what, how, when, where.  Reason is that asking "Why?" is a closed question, seemingly leading nowhere else.

Then this week, I am at a communication training with Caritas where we are told to use the "Why?" question.  Reason is that it leads to the best communication of opening oneself up to others.

Well, this has made me ask myself the "Why?" question.
Why am I here?  Why am I who I am?  Why am I a Catholic with all the scandal and upset going on in the Church?

I am asked the "Why?" question with a sense of curiosity by someone who comes to me for a life confession.  He is searching and asks me - Why am I who I am?  It all makes me reflect and I think it is time to share some good news. It is time not to escape in any direction but to be positive about why I am who I am for the sake of nourishing life - mine and others.   

Basically I am who I am because of where I come from and the people who are so much a part of my story.  I was born in 1956 Australia and learnt from growing up within a loving and good family, within a life giving Catholic culture and within a safe and friendly community, with all sharing a concern for the other.  As I remember it, my growing up environment was based on the same underlying theme for life.  They all taught me that what really mattered in life was about standing up for the underdog, helping people up when they are down and always standing by your mate (male or female).  It is that simple and I am ever thankful for where I come from.