Panic buying.

Water has still not come to the central part of Bangkok where I live. Yet the shelves in the stores have been empty of many items for at least two weeks now. I can't buy bottled water anymore. I think that this is what happens when panic enters the community psyche.

Then, someone else here, alerts me to something else that is at play in this. He mentions how he keeps buying food, even when he knows that he doesn't need it. He just calmly describes this as buying 'comfort food'. How true!

When in times of doubt, stress or insecurity, we need to build up our defences and sense of personal comfort. One way of doing this is by buying up big. I also see this around me as people build these walls around their businesses and residences. Will they stop the flooding if and when it comes? Given the level of water, no, they won't. What they serve to do is to make people feel more secure, even if that security is false or short lived. How vulnerable, we all are! That is part of the human condition we all share.

It was punishment.

Yesterday, I rang a Thai I know to see how she was in the floods. She lives in Bangkok.

Two weeks ago, when the floods were to the north of Bangkok, she was telling me that this was punishment for the Red Shirts and what they have done to the country. This speaks of one of the political divides in Thailand - Red Shirts versus Yellow Shirts. The present government has its Red Shirt support, while the Yellow Shirts are more Bangkok and for the previous Abhisit government. She is obviously a Yellow Shirt supporter.

Yesterday, she told me that the floods were about to engulf her house and her cry now was - Why is this happening to us?

The point in presenting this is not to enter into Thai politics but to make a point about humanity and how we explain away suffering.

For this woman, while the floods were away up in the north of Bangkok somewhere, in areas that support the government, it was easy to explain away a great national tragedy by holding the view that the gods were punishing others for their wrongs. That so easily serves to keep discomfort and the hard parts of life out there, away from us, by blaming them away on others who are not part of us.

Now, that the floods are upon her and are very much a part of her reality, it is a different story. It is much more personal and much harder to explain away. So the great question of humanity, throughout history, is now asked by her in the face of suffering - Why? When it is all too hard for us, the easy way out is just to put your hands up in the air and ask - Why? More specifically - Why are the gods doing this to us?

Neither way of approaching such a disaster is very helpful or rational. While understandable, both are rather simplistic approaches to a complex dilemma. Both approaches put the blame out there, onto someone else. Neither involves taking responsibility and asking the needed and hard questions.

Philosophically, God does not just sit up there creating human suffering. In this disaster, we eventually have to start asking the hard questions. The 'Why did this happen?' questions. This will lead onto our looking into what part did we have to play in all of this. The issues will then arise - care for the environment, urban planning, water management and so the list will grow. It will then be our challenge of facing these issues and acting on them.

This leads onto the other basic human stance that such simplistic approaches, as voiced by my Thai friend, attack. Basically, no matter who we are in Thailand - Thai or farang, yellow shirt or red shirt, aristocrat or peasant, city person or farmer - we are all in these floods together and we need each other to face their destruction. Such approaches, as my friend's, serve to continue the divides which act against our own good. The basic reality is that, no matter who we are, we all need each other, especially in the face of adversity.

The critical period is past.

The floods are there. The area covered by water is the size of a small country. Many communities and people are suffering. Still, however, there is no water my way while it is so close. It just makes you wonder. There are many conflicting stories about what will happen. In part, it is because no one really knows as what is at work is Mother Nature. She is running the show. I guess it also depends who you are and where you are. If you are in the floods, all looks bleak and the worst is happening. Watching it from central Bangkok, it is still the unknown which is playing the upper hand. It is like being in a city under siege.

This living on hold, waiting for something terrible to happen, has been going on for so long now. It causes its own stress. After so long, you just think that you can't keep living like this. You wonder what is even being played out - reality or someone's version of reality? So you just get on with life and not focus on what may happen but on what is before you. Que sera, sera, as Doris Day once sang.

It could be worse.

Well, 6pm yesterday was named as the critical time with high tide producing unusual peak levels in the Chao Praya River. That has come and gone and still no water where I am. I have my rubber boots ready for action and they are ready to go. As my Irish Superior in Ecuador would always say when something went wrong - It could be worse. That is true and, for me, definitely so!

There is water all around Bangkok and good people are suffering terribly. Bangkok remains like a city under siege and just waiting for whatever may befall it. There are the awful stories arising of looting and you just think what sort of people would do this to others caught up in the suffering of such a tragedy.

Actually, in the midst of such a disaster, you feel guilty that nothing drastic has happened to you yet as well. That may seem funny but that is one felt feeling as one caught in the midst of this disaster.

Then I see the news this morning and see the famine in Somalia yet again. It is being said that this famine is man made due to corruption and war and I just think how cruel humanity can be to each other. How can we do this to others and let ones get away with it??

Here I am watching the news for updates on floods in Thailand and what do I see? Qantas has been grounded by its CEO due to an industrial dispute. Qantas is an Australian icon. As an Australian, I just think - WOW!! I may be waiting for flood waters to hit but this is really something, grounding Qantas. Who would ever think that this would happen? Another man made disaster!

It is like - what next?

A man made, natural disaster.

Yes, that is right! A man made, natural disaster! I heard this western guy this week on his phone telling someone that we are waitng for a man made, natural disaster to hit Bangkok.

This is being said because the water heading through Thailand out to sea at present is not all from monsoonal rain. What has created all this water has been the combination of the rains plus the release of water from two major dams in the north of Thailand at the same time. What is being said is that these dams could have had their water released earlier before the rains. This practice would have prepared the dams to accept more water from expected rains. Instead the rains fell and the already full dams could not cope with all the water. So the excess water was released and you then have all this water going through Thailand at the same time.

Where I am in Bangkok it is still dry. By the satellite shots, Bangkok is now surrounded by water. This, they say, is the critical time for Bangkok. It is just a matter of time when the water. What remains in question is how much will hit where you are.

I decide just to stay put for three reasons.
1) Where would you go and how long would you go for?
2) Staying here, I can keep doing my neeeded work with Caritas.
3) Here I am not alone.

So you just take each day as it comes and deal with what may be in front of you. What remains the worst is the unknowing and the eerie sense that has enveloped a Bangkok waiting for disaster.

I sit with two thoughts.
1) Things are never as bad as you think. The reality is much better to deal with than the unknown.
2) So many people are already suffering and you just feel for them.

In the midst of all, I have a real sense that I am not alone. Man may have helped to create this huge disaster but it is with other men and women that I feel a great and needed sense of solidarity.

Bangkok braces

Yes, there is this huge mass of water that has to go to sea and, yes, it has to go through Bangkok. So Bangkok will flood. Many parts already are but where I live and work the waters still have not arrived. This maintains the ongoing sense of expectation of something awful will happen but as all along the questions remain. These are the basic questions of when and how. The ultimate question still remains, even if unreal - will it happen to me? Beyond the experienced sense of dire expectation, one lives in the midst of ultimate unknowing about what one is about to face.

All this helps to create an eerie Bangkok. A city of 12 million is about to go under and people just wonder and feel a sense of panic or insecurity. That is my Bangkok at the moment.

The stories are different elsewhere. Some are just tragic. What matters is that they are all real stories, coming out of people's lives in the midst of adversity. Together the form the one story that will be the Thai floods of 2011.

Yes, Your Holiness,

Well, yesterday, I am working at Caritas Thailand and someone hands me a letter and asks me to write a response to it. I see what it is - a letter from the Vatican. It is the Pope expressing his solidarity with the Thai bishops in the midst of the floods and assuring them of his heartfelt sympathy for what has happened to the people and his support for helping all affected by the floods. So my task was to write a response that will be signed by the bishops here.

So, yes, Your Holiness, I may still be dry and I am not sure what will happen next but the truth is many people are suffering a terible loss. You take it day by day and do your best, knowing that in the end all be well, as Julian of Norwich said. What this tragedy brings is great opportunity for good and for acting for good with others.

So I act to get involved in helping others as that is so much better than just sitting around wondering what will happen next. I have this opportunity as one working with Caritas Thailand and as a priest and religious in the Thai Church. I am not sure where this is all going but it is going somewhere and not just out to sea. I am thankful for the opportunities I have.

His Holiness expressed a great truth and way of acting - solidarity. Solidaity in faith, in humanity and in prayer. His message is much appreciated and very real. Thank you.

Bangkok is flooding,

Assumption Cathedral of Bangkok is by the Chao Praya River. So I faced going there today for mass with a sense of trepidation. Basically, how much water would I meet? It was not going to stop me, but ...?? Well, I got there and saw that there was no water at all lying around. So there is still no water my way.

For me, what remains the worst part of the floods is the not knowing. I see much suffering in the news and know of it personally through others around me. Shouldn't I be doing more?

Then I remember that my friend, Tony, threw down the gauntlet for me yesterday. Your Order wants to be here. Well, now is your opportunity. Choose a flood affected community and target it to be there with the people and help them in post-flood recovery. That will be your way of entering. We are to think of what will they be suffering in this community and respond. Well??!!

In the midst of tragedy,

On Saturday, I met with Tony, my good American friend here. He has a lovely place just on the northern edges of Bangkok. Sadly, his house became just yet another victim of the floods. I say - "Just another victim" - but it was so sad to see him so upset and to hear of his loss. His loss is real and it is just heart breaking. So just another loss is another real story added to the already millions of stories of this great tragedy that is the Thai floods of 2011.

We got talking. It is obvious that these floods have their own story. Is it climate change at work? In part, it is but like everything else here, there is much more at work. The waters also are a result of poor management of the country's water resources. Basically, they are emptying two huge dams which have become too full. They should have done this weeks ago but left this task until when the big rains came and so the floods just became huge. It is just shocking to hear the tale as this tragedy could have been lessened or avoided to a big extent.

It all makes you think. It makes you go beyond individual suffering to asking the big questions.

Listen more

This has been another different week in Bangkok. This time it is because of the great tragedy that is the floods in Thailand. They are the worst in decades and they are approaching Bangkok. There is just a huge mass of water that needs to get out to sea and guess what is the way? People, their homes and communities and, of course, Bangkok.

I am not swimming and by no means suffering in any real way. What I experience of this shared Thai tragedy is only minor but still real. It is the experience of living in a city that lives under the expectation that something terrible will happen but not knowing where, when or how, and to what extent. Basically nature is a powerful force and is at work. I respect that. What does make this tragedy worse is the lack of information from reliable sources combined then with local talk and gossip. That is a deadly combo for giving rise to unneeeded panic.

It tells me that we need to listen more and talk less.

I still work around Bangkok and do my business. I continue my work, helping urban refugees. As I dealt with some of them recently, it struck me just how overcome they are by their own continuing plight. Urban refugees in Bangkok live in survival mode, even if that. Being illegal and unwanted in Bangkok, they have to deal with so many terrible issues. Their life is just full-on dealing with the daily questions that face them -
how will I pay the rent?
will there be food for the table for the family?
will we be caught by the police?

So when I have to meet with them in the midst of the great unknown that is the flood crisis that is facing Bangkok, I realise that they are hardly even aware of such a huge tragedy facing the wider community. They are just stuck in their own little worlds as it is just too hard to deal with anything else. This for me spoke heaps.

Am I so important?

I reflect on my posts from last Monday -
how busyness is such a social disease (as I name it);
the event of the mad bus driver (take either meaning of 'mad');
my encounter at Immigartion (I, the offender).

I see a commom theme running through all three and it is in line with today's gospel story where none of those invited went to the banquet. Maybe they were too busy too. Who knows? You know whatever their reason for not going, what they were saying to their host was that they and their concerns were much more important to attend any such function.

Then just think what they missed out on.

Am I so important that I get upset when someone insults me or threatens me or calls me an offender? There is the great saying - get over it! Or there is the other one - just deal with it! So I guess the way to go is deal with it, get over it and move on!

Am I so imporatnt to be too busy for another? Am I so important to be upset when another is too busy for me?

Deal with it, get over it and move on!

So keep enjoying the banquet we are called to in life.

Another first in Thailand,

Today, I went to Immigration for my regular 90 day reporting. I discovered to my surprise that I had miscalculated the days and that I had overstayed. So I was fined. I know that I last came into Thailand in April but I figured that by renewing my visa in July that served as reporting to Immigration but I was told not so as they are two separate requirements. Just report every 90 days that you are in the country, no matter what.

I am sure this had worked for me before but maybe they have changed the rules and so I just have to leave the country every 90 days or report to Immigration. My take is that this reporting is all about control. This was confirmed for me when the Immigration Officer counselled me today and spoke with these words - "You have stayed too long in my country".

I am thinking that I am here to do good work in her country but that does not seem to matter. All I could do was to smile, apologise and pay the fine. What else can you do in the face of a bureaucrat and a bureaucracy? Or that is my take.

Then I had another first. On the bus back from Immigration, the bus stops at a bus stop. A passenger is about to get off but the bus starts up and the passenger yells out at the driver. Whatever the passenger said, the driver yelled back, got off the bus and got stuck into the passenger, just throwing punches into the passenger's face. Everyone gets off the bus. I am the only foreigner and just watch in shock. I have never seen this anywhere in my life. A bus driver getting stuck into a passenger and when he is finished, just jumping back onto the bus and speeding off with just himself and the conductor on board.

What is all this about? Are we losing the plot here? It does make you wonder about what really does go on here in gentle Thailand. That is the image but what is the reality? It is not all about gentleness and loveliness, that is for sure.

Passion lost;

Earlier this past week, I met two friends from New York for a beer. They are both regulars, like me, in Bangkok, and we are all here because of our commitment to the gospel and humanity.

As we all sahre a deep commitment to the Church, guess what we talked about over our second beer? Church!!

One of my New York friends is a strong member of Call to Action, an activist movement in the US Church. She proudly recounts how she marched in the last Gay Pride parade in New York. She was part of the Call to Action contingent that marched in solidarity for gay and lesbian rights in the Church. I think - good on you!!

From there, she proceeded to talk about the issues for which she feels so much passion - married and women priests in the Church. You could feel her passion. Once again, I think - good on you!!

Worryingly, I noticed that that I did not share her passion. I am not against these issues. I just did not feel the passion for them as she does and as I used to. That is what worried me. Where did my passion go?

Where did it go? Submerged under the pressures of a hectic life? Clouded with age? Retreated, thinking what is the use as the institution will never change? Just become sedate, with having found my little corner in the world to do my bit for the gospel?

This question besotted me for the rest of the week. Then on Sunday, I wentto church at Ruam Rudee, a Redemptorist parish here in Bangkok. Here they are building a 10 million USD parish centre. After mass, I was asked by some woman to buy a ticket to help in paying for this building. I just instantly replied:
I would not give one baht to such a building. It is wrong. It is a sin. It is unjust. I live and work here to help the poor in Thailand. We should be giving such money to feed and house the poor.
I then told the woman who I was as I was not going to be anonymous. She was in shock.

A simplistic response by me? Maybe? What mattered for me was that I had rediscovered my passion for the gospel. It has been there all along.

Sorry that it has been so long.

It has been a long time since I have entered anything into my blog. I could say that I have been busy but that is only an excuse. More than that I live in a world where everyone is too busy for everything - too busy to be with friends; too busy to do something different; too busy to go anywhere and somewhere. It strikes me that busyness is the new social disease of the western world and it is fast hitting Asia in its big cities. We had better watch out.

I would rather say that my life is intense and it is!