2013 - unravelling the next part of life.

These are the words in a New Year's message from a mate back home as he reflects on where we both are in life following the two of us having lost our parents.  When your parents die, I find that you lose a key connecting pin in your life.  It is like you lose a key reference point for your life that has provided some sort of stability or security.  There is no longer the chance to call home for a consoling ear or to get the birthday or Christmas card with the $100.  Nor is there the one around anymore who totally believes in you and understands you.  Funny, while they were alive, I tended to focus on the negative of having them around with their overwhelming and somewhat controlling ways.  Now they are gone, I tend to focus on missing the positive of having them around.  Without this pin, this reference point, my experience is that you have to reinforce your supports and re-establish where you stand in life in a new way.  Maybe this is about transition, maybe it is about unravelling the mystery.  Whatever the case may be, I can see this is a key task for me for 2013. 

Well, guess what family in history really had to unravel where to next.  I wonder how they coped.  They had a little help from shepherds and visiting Wise Men but really what was it all about?   To work it all out must have taken them time and a keen sense of observing and reading their experience of life. 

For now, as the sign in front of the cathedral here says in Thai: 
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. 

Goodbye 2012, a year of transition.

As I wrote my Christmas cards this past month, I named three pivotal events in my year.  In April, I went home to be with my parents for their 73rd wedding anniversary.  I did not know then but that was to be the last time that I would see them.  Then in May, I was 25 years ordained.  It was important that I celebrated this and I did.  I chose to celebrate only once and in Bangkok as this is my home for now and my place for ministry.  Thirdly, in July, mum and dad died in the same week and I got home for the funeral. 

There must be a common theme here or so I think.  Mum and dad knew only one basic option in their lives and they were always happy with that option.  25 years seems a long time and had to be celebrated but not in an over the top way.  How about 73?  Really quite amazing!  In the end, it was their time and they went as they lived - together.  Now I am no longer "my son, the priest".  I never felt so comfortable with all that sort of fuss anyway from mum and dad but miss it when it is no longer around as I truly have to stand alone for the first time.  Maybe underneath, I did like it as the "spoilt only son" in my family. 

As I look back, 2012 has about transition for me.  I never planned it that way but it happened.  It is about taking the next step in life, not about standing alone but more about making my own stance.  I am 56 and is it not more than time I did this anyway?  I can't always be the "spoilt son" and did not all those years of mum and dad prepare me in many ways for this. 

Then I think of some those I know through my ministry with refugees.  There is a 15 year old female who had to flee her home country, and did so with the support of her family, because she was threatened with rape.  Her mother knew that to look after her child, she had to let her go.  What a choice to make at any time, let alone so early in the life of a family.  No 73 years of marriage for them to nourish their children.  The threat was real and ongoing.  The daughter was under attack, being protected by her parents.  Then what happened?  Those posing the threat killed her father and raped her mother.  So here she is now on her own in Bangkok unable to return home and looking for a place to call home.  At the age of 15, in the midst of such tragic and evil circumstances, she has had to make her stance on her own at such a young age, ready or not.  Life has dealt her a heavy blow but she still stands.  Now this is life shattering and a huge ask. 

Talk about transition.  It makes me reflect on my own situation in perspective and appreciate how well looked after I have been and how well prepared I am for moving on.  Thanks mum and dad.  Thanks to all who got me this far.  Gratitude is a central human value.  Never lose it.  Let 2013 roll on and we will deal with it!

It's Christmas. Yes, we are special!

 

Yesterday was Sunday and after mass, I had a baptism.  It was only the immediate family as they were here from Indonesia.  As I asked if we were ready to begin, the dad asked if we could wait a few minutes as the baby was first being fed milk intravenously.  He showed me the tube and I wondered what was wrong.  He just said that their child had Downes Syndrome and had a heart condition which meant that by the age of three months, this little baby had already had heart surgery.  I just responded with "Wow!" to which the dad automatically said, "She is special".  I automatically responded with "You are all special" and I could see so clearly the smiles on the faces of this child's mum and dad.  They so obviously loved their little girl and were delighted with her as she was.  She truly is their special girl. 

That is Christmas.  We are all special!  We don't need to be the strongest or the most beautiful or the wealthiest.  We are just all special as we are created by God.  What more can one say? 

This picture shares the same message as it features children from the nativity play at this year's Christmas party at the refugee centre.  They are young and for now do not know where they are going in life, finding themselves in most difficult circumstances along with their family.  Still they are children and they enjoy what children enjoy.  They, like the baby girl of yesterday and like all of us, deserve a go in life simply because we are special, all created by the same God. 

Happy Christmas!

What is real?

This is not first time I have asked this question living in Bangkok.  I guess it is this sort of place. 

This time I find myself asking this same question as on Monday I got the call from my boss, the Bishop, asking me, or more telling me, to take on the role of Executive Director at NCCM (the National Catholic Commission on Migration at Caritas Thailand).  This is the job of the boss.  It is a promotion and surely I should be celebrating having reached the zenith of my career with Caritas.  If I was back home, that may be the case but I am here in Thailand and I find myself standing back quietly and wondering and asking - what is this about?  where will this lead?  I have become naturally reflective rather than jubilant. 

This is my innate reaction after having lived and worked here for seven years and more.  I know how the show operates and in particular I know the individuals involved in this particular scenario.  So it all makes me think about what is really at play. 

The position itself became vacant as the priest who has had this role had his last day at his desk on Monday.  He had decided that his contract was up and that he was not going to renew it.  Basically, he had done what he could or he had had enough and it was time to move on.  This is quite reasonable but it is how it was all done.  there was no real planning or consultation.  It all just happened and that is how things seem to happen here.  They just happen and when they happen, they happen quickly.  As I say, your life can change right around in 24 hours in a Bangkok.  You never know.   

In this case, I am the person on the spot and the easy target or the one to naturally assume that he will be the one for the job and he will do it because I am known and trusted and here.  Simple but not really.  Like everything else in this culture, there is always more to it than what is seen on the surface and in this case I know what is under the surface.  Hence, I stand back and reflect and try to take it all in so as to make sense of what is happening and what is really involved. 

I know the ongoing challenges, I know the characters involved and how they operate or fail to operate, I know the institutional failings.  Maybe I know too much and that is why I stand back and think.  It is frightening when one knows what is lying under the surface or what is really at play.  This is the other side of living in a culture where there is always more to it or the other side and you are here never knowing what is really happening or what it is all really about when dealing with people and life.  The truth can be that when you do know, it can be frightening and make one stand back and think. 

It's Christmas in Crazy Bangkok

Today feels like the first day of Christmas for me.  Like my life in Bangkok, it speaks of contradictions and anomolies.  So why today and why contradictions and anomolies? 

Well, it actually started late yesterday with an email from Australia which shared the simple consideration of a priest back home for me.  His simple gesture touched me and put me in touch with mum and dad as they knew him down the coast and they always saw him as a lovely priest. 

Then later in the evening, I got another email from a local source sharing an enquiry from another lovely priest but on the local scene and not so simple a message.  This priest is a great guy working here many years with the poor.  He is an absolute character and I never doubt that his heart is in the right place.  It just is that his way of operating in mission is not so simple.  He runs a huge concern for the poor with a huge number of staff and a big budget.  Last night's request from him shared with me concerned his trying to trace a certain individual who turned out to be a billionaire who wants to give away his fortune. 

When I eventually found out what Father was about - trying to connect with a billionaire - I was just flabbergasted.  Why did it hit me the way it did? 

I also am a priest working with the poor and try to get money and other help for the people I touch in my ministry but my approach is much simpler.  Is it too simple? 

I want and have always wanted to be a priest.  For me, to be a priest is not meant to be complicated.  It is meant to be a simple life long quest where I reach out to others because of my sense of gratitude in life and my commitment to the gospel.  The idea of turning this life long quest into big business with a big budget horrifies me and is just not my idea of priesthood and ministry. 

Yes, the people I work with are desperate and need help.  I then ask myself why one group of the poor should attract more attention and giving than another.  Is it just because one leader of mission is more entrepreneurial than another?  That does not seem fair but life is not fair.  Maybe I should be more entrepreneurial but I don't want ministry to become big business as I believe that it then becomes something it is not meant to be - a business venture.  It becomes something that cannot be carried out everyday by everyday Christians.  Rather it becomes the realm of Christian and yes, gospel motivated, individuals who operate as entrepreneurs.  Mission becomes reduced to being about big business and that is not the way to go as mission is for every Christian in their daily lives as they struggle to live the gospel. 

Maybe I am being too simple but then I am confirmed in my views by what I share in today - Christmas at BRC. 

Today we have the annual Christmas party at the Bangkok Refugee Centre (BRC) for the refugees.  It is run as a fun day for the refugees by the refugees together with those who help them and have a mission to them.  It is a simple fair where they enjoy the spirit and the entertainment of the season and receive some little gift and food.  It is all quite simple but involves many and there is a great spirit.  It is what Christmas is all about -  people just being good with and for others.  Why can't it be Christmas every day of the year?  This is what ministry is all about, empowering people to reach out to each other and help each other along the way, no matter who they are and definitely not based on having a big budget.  And if it was Christmas each day, we would be people of good spirit and giving every day and we would not need to turn to big business to look after the poor and all that goes with that option -  getting into management and bureaucracies and hustle and bustle of meetings.  Is this not the way of the gospel - simple reaching out to each other because we are all human beings created by the one God? 

We all have another side

I look back at my last two entires and see that they offer conflicting pictures of life in Thailand, or that is what you could say at first glance.  I had thought about deleting my last entry as it arises out of my own questioning of where I am in life at the moment.  My sharing my questioning led to a comment from my friend for me to reflect on my life here.  So maybe the reflection is too subjective or too negative. 

Then I thought - No, don't change it.  These two entires give not two contradictory sides to life here but highlight that life here has two sides to it, and that is life everywhere. 

There is the beautiful, graceful, dignified side where everyone is very polite but there is also that other side where people can be nasty and get angry and show division.  That is reality.  I think back.  The day after the graceful community events for the King's Birthday I remember the bus conductor who yelled at me and chased me off her bus after I mistakenly and innocently got on her bus that was not in service.  Then there was the day before at work where the Thai manager thought she was talking like a good straight talking westerner but instead was being quite aggressive and confrontational in her ways.  I was sitting there cringing as I heard her talking to another staff member, thinking I would never talk like this at home. 

Maybe something is lost in the translation but these past two entries do speak of how I experience life in total here - sometimes good, sometimes not so good.  This only reflects our humanity as no matter who we are, no matter where we come from or what culture, we all know two sides to our reality - the strong and the weak side; the good and the bad side; the achieving and the failing side; and both sit side by side at every moment of our reality, whether we like it or not. 

What makes one become a bastard?

I was with a good friend today and I barked back immediately at him (as my mum would say) on his asking a simple question.  In the last few months, since the time of mum and dad's death, I have noticed myself living a quieter life, becoming more self-contained, being more reflective, taking less rot from others.  I have started to wonder if that has also included my becoming more of a bastard as along with accepting less of what doesn't matter in life, less of the garbage from others, I seem to snap back more often at ones in my day.  What is this about?  Maybe they deserve it.  Maybe I am giving them some needed honest feedback. 

I don't know.  So I ask the question.  Is this what happens as you get older, when you value more that time is not to be wasted and become more self-confident?  Is it a repercussion of some sort of grieving process?  Is it rising eccentricity due to living alone?  Is it just me? 

So what do I do?  I ring my great and respected mate in Brisbane and ask him straight - is this what happens to me after mum and dad's death?  He answered directly - No!  You have been away so long that you would not be as affected by this as if you were there with them all along.  What is more at play is that you have been living in a brutal environment for so long now that it is taking its effect on you.  Face it, life over there is harsh.  I said - Yes! Underneath all the beauty, dignity and grace of an Asian culture, there is a real ruthlessness.  It is not done as directly as back home but it is just as ruthless here and maybe more difficult to deal with as it is all too subtle within a culture where you are not to show anger or lose face.  Does it take its effect and you never know? 

Once again, I don't know.  I am asking the question, knowing that I can't just escape my reality.  One thing for sure is that I make my greatest mistakes in my life when I rock right in there with the self-assured answers and statements.  I am much better to respond with the questions of life for it is in the questioning that we know our shared humanity, that we know we are all in the same boat, no mattter who we are.   It is in the questioning that we travel as equals, wounded by life but able for the challenges before us together.

The King's Birthday

Yesterday the King of Thailand turned 85 and it was a special day for all Thais to come together and celebrate.  My day had two parts. 

In the morning, I went to an American friend's place for his time to say Thank you and ask blessings for himself, his family and all his friends.  The monks came to offer a blessing, chanting and blessing us with water.  Tony is Thai and American and a Catholic while his family is Buddhist.  So it was a real interreligious celebration with my giving a blessing after the monks left.  It was a lovely occasion and I met some most interesting people, including one of the few Americans here to become a Thai citizen. 

Then, in the evening, I went to a typical Thai community celebration for the King's Birthday.  Once again it was a lovely occasion.  It was an evening of food and entertainment, finishing with everyone paying reverence to the King.  I share here a photo of the entertainment.  You could feel their love for the King.  It was quite touching and I just loved the entertainment which featured the children doing musical items with action.  It was a Thai experience and a good way to enjoy Thai culture. 

A funny thing happened on the way to work.

It is Monday morning in Bangkok and here I am at the office already.  To get to my Caritas office, I get the bus to Tesco Lotus at Rama III.  Sounds easy enough?  Well, it should be until you have to name your stop to the Thai bus conductor. 

The Thais just say "Lotus" but in their own way.  If you just say "Lotus" as we say it, they will never understand you.  The problem is that this is one word I have never been able to get around.  Well today, I had to face the challenge as I was asked where I was getting off, and there was no way I was going to get around facing this challenge. 

So there I was and said yet again "lo-tis" (as it sounds to them).  The conductor didn't understand.  I might as well be going to Mars.  I tried again and again and again.  Then she said in their way "lo-taaas".  I said "chai" ('yes' in Thai).  Then she said to everybody on the bus "LO-TAAAS" and they all laughed.  Well, I tell you that I sure know now how to say "Lotus" in Thai now.  This is one sure way of learning and all I could do was smile as they all laughed.  What else can one do? 

RIP Denise

This has been some week.  An insight into the magnitude of the week that is mine is the loss of Denise and how quickly it all happened. 

Norm was our cook at Echuca where I was parish priest between 1999 and 2002.  He and Denise, his wife, along with their lively, well loved and not so little family all became part of my life.  Norm and Denise have been my great mates ever since and we have even met here in Thailand, down in Phuket for some eventful and memorable coming togethers. 

On Tuesday, I got an email from the family that Denise was to die soon.  I emailed back the next day a message of love and solidarity, only to get the news on Thursday that she has died that day.  I felt sad and shocked.  Today is Friday and it all seems so quick, so surreal.  I can only imagine how Norm and the family feel. 

Denise was one of those larger than life characters.  She and Norm were the best of mates.  They did everything together - family, entertaining, holidays, travel, haircuts (as one daughter is a hairdresser), cooking, St Vincent de Paul and so the list goes on.  It was like where one was, so was the other.  You never just had one friend, you had two.  They were both very different in their own way but always a delight together or separately. 

I can see Denise being there at home reading or doing the crossword puzzle, while getting the dinner or herself ready for the night ahead.  It would be the picture of her having her hair up in curlers ready to be the star yet again that night. 

You see Norm and Denise's life had been running a pub or a restaurant.  So they were always together running the show with the children nearby.  Denise was the publican's wife, always ready for a chat and able to engage anyone in a conversation.  So she always had a consoling word, an understanding ear or just a simple hug with the invite to sit down here and have a drink.  It would always be - "It'll be allright, John" - and then a big smile, a laugh and maybe a kiss on the cheek. 

What a great woman!  You might have gone quickly, Denise, but you won't be forgotten that quickly.  You have left us something to remember.  To the Denises of our life!

Another year - a time to reflect

Well, today is my birthday and Sunday was the last Sunday of the Church year.  So it is a natural time for me to stand back and reflect and take count. 

To be honest neither has been the immediate impetus for my sitting down and writing this at such at an early time in the morning.  They serve rather as the context for my motivation which comes from watching last night's Q&A on the Australian Network.  Q&A is a weekly political and social forum put on by the ABC where politicians, thinkers, writers, actors and others respond to the questions of the public audience. 

The issue once again was asylum seekers and the government's handling of it.  One member of the night's panel, a playwright, spoke like this on the issue. 
  "Not enough Australians care enough about these poor bastards to make a difference."
I would have gone one step further and said that not enoiugh Australians seem to know anything beyond their own limited experience of life and so they don't even know about these poor bastards in any real and rational way.  They only know what they hear and read. 

Then the other side was expressed.  It went like this. 
  The government is about stopping people smugglers and controlling who comes to Australia. 
Both stances may be admirable and justifiable when looking at the role of government but they just lack any sense of compassion. It is just a blatant, public presentation of the party line without any expressed sense of being with these poor bastards. 

Senator Penny Wong was there from the government side.  When questioned about another present and pressing social issue - gay marriage - she was full of compassion.  On asylum seekers, her public demeanour was the party line - people smugglers and controlling the borders - with a basic lack of compassion. 

I ask where is the consistency?  How do you be so full of compassion on one issue of social justice and so lacking on another?  What is it that we don't get on asylum seekers and refugees?  Or maybe we do get it and so we act in response according to specific interests.  They just aren't always the interests of the underdog. 

The now deceased but great Cardinal Bernadin of the US Church was the one who noted that all social justice issues lie together.  One cannot be looked at in isolation from another.  His image was that of the seamless garment which cannot be dissected to be fixed.  It has to repaired as a total garment or not at all. 

He came and he went

Well, Obama did come to town last Sunday and stayed the night.  I never saw him but knew he was here because I saw him on the news.  By now, he is back in the US for Thanksgiving.  Life does move at a pace and we keep going on. 

Bon Jovi has had to deal with his daughter's recent drug overdose and I am impressed by his approach to this time of distress and worry.  He just said:
"It's human.  What I do for a living seems glitzy and glamorous but if you don't take it too seriously it's a great way to make a living.  And then life goes on.  Things happen.  This tragedy was something that I had to face too.  So we'll get through it." 

All this so fits in with this upcoming Sunday as it is the last Sunday in the Church year.  It is the end of one year and the start of another for the Church.  It is a time to look back, reflect, learn and move on in faith. 

Next week sees the Thai festival of Loy Krathong which comes at the end of rainy season.  It is a lovely festival with a wonderful ritual in which all participate.  The ritual involves making your own symbolic float which features a lit candle and incense sticks, a piece of your hair, a finger nail and a coin, all placed on a banana leaf or similar environmentally friendly base that you can let go into the water - a lake, a river, a pond.  The symbolism is about asking forgiveness of the water goddess for having polluted the waterways and showing gratitude to the same goddess for her gracious gifts.  As well, it is about asking for forgiveness generally and seeking good luck and good wishes for the year ahead.  It is a colourful and moving ritual joined by all in Thailand, telling us that we do do wrong but we can move on in gratitude. 

It is all very human, as Bon Jovi says. 

Obama's coming

Obama will be in town this weekend.  It will be a big show feting a big world leader who comes to visit on his way to Myanmar.  There will be lots of people, lots of security, lots of excitement, lots of activity in Bangkok for his visit.  It will be an exciting and colourful event but it will also be chaotic as there will be the inevitable, and much more so, traffic chaos at play. 

I guess that reflects life.  Amid all of its excitement and happinees and successes, there is the other side, the chaos and messiness that we only know so well.  It is as if the two sides go together.  Maybe one side sustains us, while the other teaches us.

I have been reading a lot this week about the horrific child sexual abuse issue in Australia.  As I follow a side presented by the Australian Catholic Church, I have come to name that the 'powers that be' in the Church have set up over the last 30 years a 'medieval bubble' which has become so divorced from our reality of the 21st century.  It is a bubble from which you tell people what to do, while not listening to them.  It is a bubble from which one appears princely and arrogant and just so above people's everyday reality.  It does not seem to allow for an understanding of the chaos and messiness within which people live and have to cope. 

There is still that other side in the same Church that I also saw this past week, screaming to be free of this bubble, living in the 21st century, listening rather than telling and helping rather than controlling. 

I am sure there is a connection between these two big stories of this week.  The chaos of a Bangkok will cope with the glory of an Obama visit and will continue to go on after all the glory and excitement of his visit have subsided.  Such is life and its power to keep on moving!  Let's enjoy it!     

The coming together of themes

I wrote recently about how having heroes fails us in life and then the story broke last week about General Petraeus and his affair.  I wonder how many people held him up as a hero but, like the rest of us, he is only human and not perfect.  I wonder how many people from a distance now feel let down by what has become world news.  We so often feel let down by others, by ones who mean so much to us and by ones for whom we have such high expectations and you know what?  It is probably mainly about us and our needs and not about the others whom we have made into heroes in some way.  We do everybody, including ourselves, a disservice by making ourselves, no matter who it is, into who we are not. 

I know how human and imperfect I am.  I am just like the rest of the human race.  Yesterday, the manager here at BRC made a personal comment that hurt me.  I saw it as a lack of tact.  Then today, when we met in the meeting area of BRC, I thought that I justly stated my position on the matter.  She told me, as Thais always do, not to get angry but I saw it as my speaking strongly (or my mind as my mother would say) and not as being angry.  We then come to an understanding, or for me a new insight yet again.  She said what we have here is a cross-cultural misunderstanding.  She said that what I took as an offence was never meant as one.  Yes, you may not talk like this back home in Australia but we are in Thailand and what was said yesterday speaks of how we play with each other as Thais.  So no offence!  And I have a healthy reminder before me of what is happening and that I, like my manager and everyone else, am only human and should never be too ready to judge or to hold grudges. 

I believe there is a connection here between the two stories.  For me, it is all a bit 'has been' but it is still worth naming as it is what has happened yet again.  Through crisis (no matter how little or big), there is growth; through misunderstanding (no matter how little or big), if confronted, there comes understanding. Herein, there is a hard lesson as it involves hurt and sometimes shame or disgrace.  It also involves facing oneself and sometimes admitting wrong or having to say sorry.  None of this is ever easy but, as they say - again 'a 'has been', no pain, no gain OR anything worth having or being does not come easy. 

The week that was

For an Aussie, the 'week that was' featured the Melbourne Cup on Tuesday afternoon, Melbourne time.  What does that mean for an Aussie in Bangkok?  Well, maybe not much but it is still a time when the cultural strings are pulled.  It was also a time when my American mate here in Bangkok, who always backs football, could for a change study the form and come up with all sorts of statistics.  Amazing!  It is the pull of the Cup. 

The 'week that was' also featured the US Presidential election and that also was Tuesday.  What amazes me is the number of Thais who are so into the US elections and Obama.  For me, it speaks of a world that so needs leaders and Obama is one hope for the side. 

On a more personal note, the 'week that was' also focused on Tuesday as that afternoon I was one of two people responsible for the running of an important meeting in our area of work with urban refugees.  This meeting saw the coming together of all stakeholders who help these people in Bangkok  This meant we had a forum made of a range of strong characters with a range of views on the topic at hand - how to help urban refugees.  What united us was our passion for helping such a desperately needy group in our midst and how to do it most effectively.  Is this not in part what makes us truly human - serving a cause greater than self.  

You know, I got this line, not from some cheap theology book, but from a look at consumerism and how it is destroying our humanity presented last night on Aljazeera.  Its basic line was that our relationships are meant to be with people and not things, and it is in relating with others that we find our happiness.  Good theology certainly agrees with this. 

Heroes?

You know during the past I yet again lost a hero in my life.  No, he didn't die.  He just showed that he could not live up to my expectations as one of my heores.

I tend to do that - proclaim heroes for me in my life.  And you know what?  Time and time again, they fail the test once I have proclaimed their hero status.  I have to say that what I do to them is unfair as, in making someone my hero, I place for my sake too high an expectation level on them and I don't think anyone can meet my required expectation level to be my hero. 

The other side is that proclaiming heroes may be my way of coping and abrogating responsibility as it is not for heroes to do for me what I cannot do but for me to keep trying to do my bit.  It may also be my way of finding a comfortable fantasy world which just does not exist. 

I live in a city full of people who seem to live in a fantasy and just not grounded in any reality.  I am not sure why here or if it is just more noticeable here.  On Wednesday, I met an Australian I have not seen for awhile.  He had apparently gone home for business.  Now that he is sorting out his business, he is looking at returning to living in Bangkok.  What are his plans for the future?  Return and settle in Jomtien next to Pattaya.  There he has western, male companionship and it is still close enough to Bangkok where his Thai male partner lives.  Why then not live in Bangkok?  Well, by living in Jomtien, he can indulge in seeing the Thai guys of Pattaya, while he is still with his chosen partner who is a solid citizen and decent guy with a good professional career.  In Australia, while divorced, he is still the straight grandfather and father.  He expresses an amazement at why he does what he does when he has so many good people in his life.  As a businessman, he presents as the hardline rightwinger.  I present this not to lay any moral judgement but simply as a real life example of what I mean by people not grounded in reality and living in some fantasy. 

As I say many times, THE QUESTION in my Bangkok is this:
Is it real or unreal?  Or  What is real? 
Just now I thought of the childhood tale of the velveteen rabbit who asked the same question and found the answer in a rather perceived uncomfortable corner. 

It's getting near Christmas

Well, it's Friday and I could be boring and talk about all my tasks and activities of the week but I won't.  Rather, in the midst of all the challenges and goings on here at the Bangkok Refugee Centre, what I saw was one of the staff wrapping up bottles in Christmas paper.

I said - Getting ready for Christmas?
To which she replied - Yes!  and with a smile.

There was the great song from "Mame" - We need a little Christmas and right now!
How true!  It is never too late or too early for Christmas to cheer up the soul and share a bit of laughter and friendship in the world.

Meanwhile, Happy Eid!!

A theology of failure?

I came across a quote from Paul Tillich that just appeals to me and my experience of life.  Here it is.

"Grace strikes us when we are in great pain and restlessness.  It strikes us when we walk through the dark valley of a meaningless and empty life. ...  It strikes us when our disgust for our own being, our indifference, our weakness, our hostility, and our lack of direction and composure have become intolerable to us.  It strikes us when, year after year, the longed-for perfection of life does not appear, when the old compulsions reign within us as they have for decades, when despair destroys all joy and courage."

Is this a theology of failure?  I don't think so.  It more captures our naked reality and speaks to it as it is.  It speaks to our confusion and chaos, helping us make sense of what is and not of some hoped for or proclaimed ideal which never seems to come. It speaks to the 'eternal Why' of our life - why am I still doing this?  why am I still like this? 

It speaks to me in the midst of another week which is just so demanding and full of so many challenges. 

Thanks Paul Tillich 

I need a day off

You know we can think how important we are and just how much the world needs us but then we get a timely reality check that puts us in our rightful place.

I had one of those reality checks yesterday.  Here I am going to UNHCR meetings, helping to organise better ways of helping urban refugees, being a tutor for three young Pakistanis doing their ACU course and then, in the midst of all this important activity, a Pakistani woman comes unannounced to my office.  Really, they can't be expected to make appointments but nevertheless I am just too busy for this intrusion which I so readily identify as yet another request for financial assistance. 

So what do I do?  I jump straight in so as to save time and start to explain to her about available help and what is possible.  I must say I did so politely.  But then she stopped me and said - Father, I don't want money.  My husband is in prison.  Then she just cried. 

My first thought was - I just stuffed this one.  This was my reality check.  I might be Fr John from whom ones seek for assistance or whom colleagues in refugee work call on, but you know what?  I must never lose sight of what really matters in the midst of  however much activity and seemingly important tasks I am involved in. 

The other message is that I need a day off for my good and the good of those I help and work with.  So that is what I am about to do.  Take a day off.  Wish me well in this most important task. 

A relationship is a long trip

Dan Berrigan wrote -
"Don't travel with someone who expects you to be exciting all the time!" 

I am no expert on relationships as I sure have my own issues and failings but there is wisdom worth noting here and it comes from Fr Ron Rolheiser omi as he delves into this insight.  He puts it this way. 
"The recognition that, in love, we cannot not disappoint each other is what makes it possible for us to remain inside of marriage, friendship, celibacy, and respect.  It's when we demand not to be disappointed that we grow angry, make unrealistic demands, and put pressure on each other's moral and sexual integrity.  Conversely, when we recognize the limits of love, when we accept an inevitable separateness, moral loneliness, and disappointment, we can begin to console each other in our friendships and our marriages."

Rolheiser is a wise man and writes so well.  So often I am just struck by what he shares in his short, poignant writings.  In the same article, he shares this one line, WOW statement.
"It's when we try to be captain of somebody else's soul that we rape someone."

Enough for today, I am sure.

Jinnah - father of a nation

I am presently working with three young and vibrant Pakistanis of the urban refugee population on a university course they have started thanks to ACU - Australian Catholic University. 

This week, they had a teacher with them from the university.  During her time, they were required to give an oral presentation on a world leader in history.  They chose Jinnah, the father of Pakistan.  He was the nation's founding Governor-General which was then a comprehensive political leadership role in a new democracy.  He was more than just a figure-head. 

As they spoke of him, they spoke of how much they admired a man of vision and true leadership for his people.  A focus of his vision for the new nation was that it be a place where people of all faiths could safely practice their religion. 

We then see Pakistan today and I wonder what happened.  It is a vision lost.  You could sense that as the three young Pakistanis gave their presentation.  They know the present reality and suffer because of it, all having had to flee with their families due to religious persecution.  For them, this is a great sadness but, as they spoke of Jinnah, they spoke with passion and pride.  The vision may have been lost but its spark is still there and the flame could be relit.  They know this because of their admiration and respect for their nation's founder.  This connection with a great man still gives them hope for their nation.  They still see that his vision could be grasped again and brought back to life for the good of Pakistan. 

A vision may be lost but it can always be relit.  That is hope.  This is true for any vision - not just the vision of a nation. 

Seeking Understanding

All week I have been sitting with the theme from last Sunday's gospel that the power is in our powerlessness.  I took that further or renamed it to say that our power is in our vulnerability.  Just what does that mean?  Is that to simply wallow in or celebrate our weakness?  I never thought that. 

I did think that a key to my pursuit for understanding would be in this Sunday's gospel which continues on with Mark's gospel, and there is!  The key is in once again in taking the gospel as a community based document that it is written from a community for the community.

It is not that I alone am vulnerable but that we are all vulnerable, that we naturally share in human vulnerability.  There is solidarity in this shared human vulnerability.  This tells me that together we are vulnerable and in solidarity we find the way forward to work for justice and build a better world.

When we just focus on how strong we are and how we have everything or can get everything ourselves, we become isolated individuals acting for ourselves and in competition against everyone else.  With this mindset, when we don't succeed, we then tend to blame ourselves and become victims; and when we see others not succeeding, we just blame them and they become victims. 

Awareness of our shared vulnerability acts to help us build up our connectedness with others.  It is then that we can act together and together we can make our life better.  With this mindset, compassion is for the strong and not for the weak and we are called out of ourselves to act for the other and not be self-absorbed.  So we don't throw the unwanted to the side; we don't put the weak down; we don't blame the victim.  True, the world is not just, as I am so often told!  However, the other side then is that together in our shared vulnerability, we can work to make the world a just place.  Here is our true strength - solidarity in our vulnerability. Yes, this is mind-blowing. No wonder last Sunday's gospel reading held a "WOW" statement for me.  Now this week's gospel reading gives me a key to understanding it and living it. 

My vulnerability has been the source for my power

I keep reflecting on this key gospel theme of the past week - our power is in our powerlessness.  I think it is true and so powerful.  It has been true in my life.  I can see how my brokenness has been the source of great steps forward in my life.  I can see how my brokenness has given me powerful life themes for good. 

Why else do I identify with a life focused on reaching out to the poor and marginalised? 

The power is in our Vulnerability

This arises from my last entry and from my being hit by a WOW! moment when reflecting on Sunday's gospel reading from Mark 9.  It is the well known scene of Jesus taking the child and telling his disciples to accept one as these into their midst.  It is in this child that we see who is the greatest.  The introduction to this was the disciples' discussion on who was the greatest and how does Jesus respond?  By an action of taking a child and saying here is your answer.  Jesus was doing more than just including the excluded into the inner circle.  He was actually giving the power to the excluded, to the most fragile, to the most unlikely.  For me, he was saying that our power is in our most vulnerable; that our power lies in our very vulnerability. 

Where we are most vulnerable, there lies our power. 

This is WOW!  I am still not sure exactly what it means.  It will take me time to digest and theologise. 

Maybe I can best illustrate this by an example in my working life.  In reaching out to the urban refugees in Bangkok, the big institutions have enough protection through their institutions, backing and resources to think that they know it all and have all the answers.  Meanwhile these poor people continue to linger and suffer.  Then in comes the under-resourced, community players.  They want to help but how as they lack the same level of institutional backing and resources.  Without something to fall back on, they sit vulnerable in their attempts to help.  So what do they do?  They have to take risks and be creative and look to new and needed ways for acting in response to a need.  They then lead the way because of their known vulnerability. 

The Power of Powerlessness

In my day, I deal with a young guy from Sri Lanka who, because of his lack of a nourishing family background, is what I would name as a 28 year old man who is still a 13 year old boy.  This means that he keeps getting into all sorts of bother as he tries to deal with the complex issues of his daily life while a urban refugee in Bangkok. 

I also try to get my head around trying to yet again deal with, what for me, are two difficult and unhealthy adult, western males in my life here.  They are connected and whenever I get caught into their issues, through the nature of my ministry here, I find myself trapped yet again thanks to their own personal dysfunctions. 

Then I place both situations into the context of this coming Sunday's gospel where the story is from Mark's gospel with Jesus bringing in the children.  As I read and reflect, I am hit by a tremendous one liner:
The Power of Powerlessness. 
It says that Jesus' power was rooted in his vulnerability and NOT in "iron, muscles, guns".  WOW!!!
That sits with me and speaks to me so powerfully.  Our vulnerability is the very source of our real power for life.  In our shared vulnerability, we are powerful people. 

Why then are we so frigthened to face the hard issues of life, its difficulties and injustices? 

Then there is this week

I write about the danger of generalising. 

I experience the urban refugees I work with as being made up of a range of characters and personalities.  Some are most admirable and gifted individuals and would be a great addition to any country.  They all deserve a go and, like everyone, have the right to live in safety.  There can't just be the automatic negative reaction as if they are evil criminals when ones hear asylum seeker and illegally present in the country. 

Then this week has seen the outbursts of violence in Cairo, Libya and Yemen in response to a film on the Prophet.  One can't assume that all Americans or westerners are anti-Muslim like the one who produced such an ill-conceived and distasteful film.  Neither can one assume that all those in the Middle East and who are Muslim are into perpetrating violence and are anti-American or anti-west.  Such generalisations seem to overlook the reality that you have extremism and fundamentalism on both sides acting against each other.  It is all very dangerous. 

Don't generalise

Well, the last week has been huge with so much happening all at once and major tasks to face. 

I had a good friend here for the weekend from Sydney.  He is my one wealthy friend.  In the work I do and amongst the people I meet, I sometimes hear an ideological position that says wealthy people are not good people.  Then I say that I know this wealthy person in Sydney and he is one of the kindest and most generous people you could meet, a good man.  I shared this with my friend and as he said - you can't generalise - and he smiled. 

A major challenge I have had to face in my work recently with urban refugees is trying to find help in starting a university course here for three young members of the population who now have the opportunity to study on-line through the generosity and good work of Australian Catholic University.  In approaching some quarters here, there has been a real resistance as there is a mindset that sees them simply as being here illegally and breaking Thai law.  But then there has been the other experience of meeting impressive ones who just want to help.  So once again, you can't generalise. 

Generalisations are dangerous and lead to unnecessary misunderstanding. 

It's the passion, isn't it?

Here I am on the annual retreat with the Marist Brothers' ad Gentes teams from Thailand, Vietnam and Cambodia.  The theme is discernment.  I am no expert on the topic but my personal experience tells me that central to discernment are the two P's - passion and prophetic.

If one has no passion for something worthwhile, why do it?
If one is going to make a difference, why just go along with the crowd? 

Then I hear one of the brothers voice a concern about basing decisions on passion as is this not about restricting decision making to the personal?  Is this the old 'he's doing his own thing' criticism which becomes the great tool for repressing creative individuals and creativity generally?

I am beyond such a criticism or concern as experience tells me that such a path leads to repression of the individual endeavor and commitment that is needed for ones to make their mark.  It also denies the other side of the coin as the communal dimension can serve as a barrier to stepping ahead to where we need to be and be a force for mediocrity.

To make a discernment in mission, one has to be in touch with the prophetic, with the passion - doesn't one? 

As a PS, I talked with one of the Brothers and the issue may not be whether or not passion but too much passion which has become a bit overbearing. 

Retreat with the Marist Brothers and Associates

This week, I am away with the Marist Brothers and their Associates from Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam from within their ad Gentes programme on their annual retreat.  The theme for the retreat is Discernment.  Today a German brother asked that we look at this word within the other languages of the group and see how this term is approached in other cultures.

So I looked it up in Thai and found  ควๅมฉลๅด which means 'wisdom', 'savvy', 'ingenuity', 'brilliance'.  Once again, I see how an ancient Asian language is unable to grapple with western theological, philosophical and spiritual terms or notions.  Neither, maybe should the language be expected to deal with such. 

Still this raises two questions or issues.
1)  Be aware of this when trying to approach these deeper notions and issues within the local culture. 
2)  In a globalised world and Church, we face the challenge of how we communicate at the deeper level and on the deeper issues. 

Women are buffalo

I read this incredibly confronting book on the life of a young Thai woman in the sex trade, called Only 13.  From the age of 14, she had spent ten years of her life as a sex worker, hating what she had to do but did it because she was poor and uneducated with a financial duty to fulfill towards her family. 

It was confronting because her account was so honest.  She named a key basis for her being led to this trade not of her choice - it was how women are devalued within her culture.  She cited an ancient Thai maxim that she experienced as still being current in 21st century Thailand - Women are buffalo, men are human. 

Yesterday, we celebrated Assumption at the cathedral.  I shared how can we glorify the strength and beauty of Mary, when we don't glorify the strength and beauty of all women?  I shared what I had read in a book that touched me. 

Good theology is lived and where it is lacking, it challenges us.  Mary was no wilting wallflower.  Neither are we called to be, if we are to be good theologians.  So the feast of the Assumption challenges us as theologians to see that all women are valued as equal human beings and not just in Thailand but everywhere for this story of the young Thai woman is replicated in the life of so many women throughout the whole world.  It is not just Thailand. 

Then after mass, I talked with a young Thai woman whose story was so like the story of the one in the book.  There she was before me so grateful to be at church with her husband, to hear her story shared and respected, to experience Jesus with her in her pain, to know a life that is much more than what she had hoped for in her previous life.  I can't express the experience adequately as it was so powerful and I won't betray any confidences.  I will say that it left me teary, knowing that if today was for no one else, it was for this woman before me.  I thought - Thanks mum as you helped bring me to this today. 

Then what did I see on my facebook today? 
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway."
Who wrote it?
Eleanor Roosevelt. 

Strong women - so many of them - have taught me so much and inculcated in me a faith that is real and alive.  They have given me so much.  It is from them that I get my love of Mary.  I am thankful for strong women in my life and for what they give our world. 

Moody? Who wouldn't be?

Yesterday, I was at the Bangkok Refugee Centre.  I went to the administration to ask about one case.  On being given the information, the Thai officer commented that he is that moody person.  Well actually, this is referring to two years ago when he got angry over an issue and blotted his copybook for ever with Thais who brand non-Thais who get angry as being totally uncouth and as ones to punish and avoid.  I just thought to myself  that if I was in his situation of being a long-term refugee, I would be moody too. 

During the week at the same place but with another Thai staff, I mention another one of the urban refugee population, naming him as a good guy.  The automatic response was that he is an angry man.  I wondered what happened here.  I then named him as a good man who gets angry.  I then heard the story.  When I heard what happened, I replied that he had a reason to be angry but the reality is that he, like the rest of them, does not have the luxury in his situation to express his anger.  If he does get angry, he just earns the disrespect and judgement of such Thais. 

Why? 

Basically, it is because there is a strand of Thai that looks down on outsiders who show anger.  They just see them as being ungrateful for help they receive in Thailand and as being ungracious and even dangerous and so to be avoided or put to the side.  Yet anger is a human emotion.  It is part of life.  The issue becomes how you express it.  With the urban refugee population, you need to see here a wounded people who need direction and to be challenged in good ways, not a people just to be judged and dealt with as if they were the bad guys in the story. 

A Shake of the Head

My latest posted photo is a shot of the new Parish Pastoral Centre for Ruam Rudee Parish in central Bangkok.  It sits behind the historical parish church.  The parish is run by the Redemptorists and their new centre is to be opened next month as part of their celebrations in becoming a new province in their Congregation.  The centre is much too huge to capture in one shot with my little camera.  It is worth USD10million.  It is like - what more can I say? 

I know no parish in Australia that could afford or even contemplate such a project.  Yet this happens in a national Church that is but a small minority within the country.  I just wonder what it is saying; what is this about.  This project is but another addition to the many other wealthy, powerful institutions that exist in this little Church which is full of big and wealthy schools and hospitals.  I have my theory about why.  I figure it is about status which is so importnat in the culture here and  I am told that is rather common in Asia. 

Maybe a story from Sunday could best present what I am trying to express. 

One of my young Sri Lankans who is a rather entrepreneurial urban refugee approached the parish priest at Ruam Rudee on the weekend to ask for money to support him in doing a six month English language course.  He approaches the parish priest as he is part of the parish and involved in its outreach work to the poor.  Yes, it is a bit of money - 42,000baht (app AUSD1,300) but it would be most advantageous to his getting ahead in life and doing something productive. 

I asked him what was the priests'e response.  He just said that all the priest did was to shake his head.  I understood but then I looked at this huge parish centre worth 300,000,000baht and it was my turn to shake my head. 

The Big Questions

This Sunday's gospel puts me in touch with facing the big questions in life.  I have to ask myself firstly - Do I face the big questions?  I do and I don't.  It is often easier to escape them but that gets nowhere and just leads to mediocrity and wallowing.  With the death of mum and dad, I can see that brings forth big questions or changes in my life, maybe subtle but still big.  They don't go away by not facing them.  They stay there and eat away at me until I deal with them.

I meet on Thursday with Duncan from Australian Catholic University (ACU).  He meets with me to finalise details of starting the ACU online university course for three students from the urban refugee population here in Bangkok.  It is a great opportunity for them.  I negotiated this course for this population.  I value it but boy there are some hard issues for me to face like where to find classroom space for them, an illegal population in Bangkok under the care of great bureaucracies.  The issues won't go away.  I have to face them and I will.  Best to start facing them now and go step by step.  Otherwise, they just eat at me. 

Not facing the big questions means avoiding risks and means getting nowhere in particular.  Facing them leads somewhere.

PS  I jus followed my own advice and faced this issue about classroom space by contacting a school principal I know here.  He is right on side and emailed me.  In a Thailand, the basic question is the WHO question and that leads to a response.  

A consultant's role

Today, I had breakfast with my great American friend here, Carl - better known as Khun Carl, Big C or simply Carl Baby.  Carl is retired and lives between here and his hometown, Chicago.  We share stories, advice and laughs in Thailand.  In his retirement, Carl, being a businessman, does his own consultancy work.  He shared with me a line that hit home for me. 

Basically, he said that, as a consultant, you offer your advice and it is up to them whether they take it or not.  Either way you get paid.  I thought of a role I have in Caritas Thailand where you offer advice on how to do the work or manage a task but for ever they keep doing it their way and seemingly keep getting nowhere.  I then worry as why don't they just do it like I said?  Carl's line hit me as I have done my bit in talking straight, offering a bit of advice or doing my bit of work.  It is up to the others how and if they take up what I have to offer.  That they choose not does not matter.  What matters is that I just do my bit. 

We all need our Carls to survive a Thailand. Thanks Carl Baby.

Being kind

I heard Aung Sun Suu Kyi speaking recently in Oslo as she accepted the Nobel peace prize.  She spoke of how important other people's kindness was to her and how every act of kindness helped to sustain her over the years.  So now I find myself naturally praising others for their kindness to me, especially with mum and dad's death. 

As Aung Sun Suu Kyi says:
"Even the briefest touch of kindness can lighten a heavy heart.  Kindness can change the lives of people."

I apply this to my ministry with urban refugees.  Today I help one desperate case and feel that I have shown some kindness.  Then I receive a call from Caritas Thailand offices asking for advice about helping a Pakistani family here fleeing persecution back home and appearing with a letter from their parish priest.  I then think should one be more likely to receive help because they are Catholic and have a letter from their priest as the .  Is this being kind?  Then, later again, another Pakistani family, looking desperate, comes to my door at BRC asking for money for the rent.  I don't have the money and it is not good policy just to hand money straight over just on request.  Is this being kind? 

Yes, being kind is important but I can't just respond to people's needs as they request.  It is beyond me and my level of resources.  I also have to think of the good of the wider urban refugee community and assess how best to use the available resources, respecting them and not acting to have them become dependent in their need.  I have no answers as I face difficult dilemmas but I hold to Aung Sun Suu Kyi's principle that kindness is a central and good virtue that sustains us.  .

Buddhist Holidays

2nd and 3rd August of this week are Buddhist holidays. 

Thursday is Asanabucha Day which commemorates Buddha's first sermon to his first disciples. 
Then Friday is the first day of Buddhist Lent which goes for three months and coincides with rainy season. 

Traditionally, during Lent, young men take the opportunity to become monks for a time.  This seems to be a part of every male's life, that they take on being a monk for a short time.  It strikes me that this tradition has a three-fold purpose.
1) It forms a rite of initiation.
2) It is part of one's upbringing.
3) It fulfills a family obligation. 
While you are a monk, you are full-on monk.  There is no sense of just being part-time or being younger.  It is that you are a monk like all the other monks. 

Maybe we could learn something from this in the west.

Slainte!

Slainte! is the Irish toast that dad would always make on having a guinness.  It was my toast to mum and dad at the end of my eulogy for them during their funeral back home in Brisbane on Tuesday.  God speed!  Be with God!  What more could one want? 

Yes, mum and dad died within four days of each other - mum on 15th July and dad on 19th July - and I went home for the funeral.  While there, my mate said that I was not so reliable these days on my blog and I thought - how true! So today is my first day back in Bangkok and this is something I have to do first day. 

I just want to share part of what I said about mum and dad.  Here goes. 

"The Great Depression of the 1930s affected them deeply.  Dad would talk of how they used their last 100 pounds to go into business and from there they just worked hard and so they worked hard all their lives.  A basic philosophy of their life came out of this experience.  Dad explained that they worked so hard not just to make money but to make sure that their family enjoyed what they missed out on due to a lack of money - a good education -and to see that their family never went without like they did.  ....  

Basically whether the son or daughter, the brother or sister, the uncle or aunt, the cousin, the husband or wife, the father or mother, the grandparent or the great grandparent, dad and mum were ever faithful and loyal, living their lives with their own sense of integrity, reaching out to all in their world, loving and protecting them as best they could.  ...  They were great models of simple faith well lived.  .... 

What primarily matters in life is who we are.  It is not really measured by achievements, honors, wealth, status or prestige.  I would name as a central part of mum and dad's legacy for me that they were proud to just be and live who they were - Australian and Catholic with a family to care for and a community to contribute to.  That was simply it!" 

From now, I must be more faithful to my blog as obviously it does have something worthwhile to say and share. 

That's right, I don't have tertiary siphillis.

Every year, I do my visa and work permit for being here in Thailand.  Yesterday, I started this year's process which included going for a medical.  When you get your medical certificate for your permit, it assures you, among other things, that you are menmtally sane and that you don't have tertiary syphillis.  That may be comforting but it remains a bureaucratic nightmare. 

It makes me think of what my country makes visitors and newcomers do for visas and permits.  I believe that Australia is even worse than here with its bureaucratic demands.  We should not be naive and there should be processes in place but why do we make it so hard for people searching for a needed, new home or place to work or just wanting to come for a holiday.  Maybe we need to stand back a bit and just put ourselves in these other people's shoes and try to understand their motivation and where they are coming from.  This could lead to a greater understanding and a more hospitable world. 

It strikes me that this is so pertinent when today is World Refugee Day.  Why is our world such a hostile place for so many?  Or maybe I could ask - why aren't we more hospitable in a hostile environment? 

Aung San Suu Kyi put it even better last Saturday in Oslo when she gave her acceptance speech for her Nobel Peace Prize.  I quote: 
Ultimately our aim should be to create a world free from the displaced, the homeless and the hopeless, a world in which each and every corner is a ture sanctuary where the inhabitants will have the freedom and the capacity to live in peace.

We are all connected but ???

In my last entry, I said Goodbye to Bill and Clare, emphasizing how we all belong together and never really leave each other. That is the gift to us through the mystery of our God to whom we all belong. I believe this from a faith perspective but then I try to make sense of it when I think of why Bill and Clare had to leave Thailand, when I look at the reality of our world. In Clare's case, she had stood up against corrupt business practices in her previous workplace and as a result she had a baseless charge of criminal defamation made against her. Even when the charge was false and based on corruption, she faced the ultimate possibility of time in prison in Thailand. So she and Bill left. My basic quest is not to take up the gauntlet and run a huge campaign, but to ask the question - How? I see this as the theological question placed before us by such a case - How can we do this to others if we acknowledge that the one God shares life with us and makes his home our home? Just how is it possible for anyone to treat another in such an abusive and degarding way when we are so interconnected?

The ground between us is holy

Last Sunday was Trinity Sunday. I picked up some enlightenment from Henri Nouwen who writes of our belonging to the trinitarian communion. This belonging speaks of our true home and gives us all a place where we belong. He proceeds rather beautifully speaking of how the Christ in me connects with the Christ in you. Because we all belong together through a God of communion, we are never that far apart wherever we may be in life. The language Nouwen uses to describe this reality is that wherever we are the ground between us is holy. This is a great mystery and truth. I share this now as I have great friends from here in Bangkok - Bill and Clare. Clare has been truly a presence at the cathedral each Sunday. It has been because of her own way of presenting herself, her way of entrance and graciousness and being there, along with her strong faith that she shares. Well, Bill and Clare left Bangkok yesterday. It was a sad Goodbye as I will miss them but then I remembered the faithfilled words of Henri Niouwen and shared them with Clare in a blessing prayer - wherever we may be, the ground between us is holy. How true! How true as we have our home in the house of God - a communion of love.

An arrogant foreigner or being culturally critical?

Pauline is a Church volunteer here for two months from the Archdiocese of Perth. She does a bit with me, a bit with staff at NCCm and a bit with the Sisters with whom she stays. Yesterday, I informed her why her urban refugee student did not show up for English class on Saturday. He was detained by a policeman who asked for money. Pauline was shocked to hear that in a country that she sees as relatively well off and running smoothly there is such corruption. I shared my take with her. Basically, don't be fooled by the big buildings and all the infrastructure of a Bangkok. Underneath all this there is a harsh reality where corruption is rife. As I reflected on what I shared and discussed further with her to help her understand, I could see that there is a thin line between being critically reflective and being an offensive, arrogant westerner. For me the difference lies in the motive for what I shared and in my sense of responsibility. In a culture such as here in Thailand, there are many harsh aspects to life but nothing is said directly or publicly. Such an approach allows everything to just sail along as it is. We are here for mission and we are outsiders adding a different flavour to what is here and hopefully doing so for good. To just accept everything as it is and never critically reflect or share within appropriate environments means that we are not adding our bit to the local mix. There is then the gospel at play. How can we just accept and say or do nothing in some positive and constructive way when we see wrong? Sometimes we have to take risks but, in doing so, we may be seen as being offensive or arrogant or we may even be wrong. Still I am here to make a difference for good, I hope, and I am here for the gospel which calls to make that difference. So we take the risks.

25 years of serving with the People of God

On Monday - the 21st, I celebrated 25 years of ordained priesthood. On Sunday, I was presiding at the 10am mass at Assumption Cathedral and I reflected that 25 years ago, as a newly ordained priest, others often asked me - Why did I become a priest? Now no one asks me that question. Rather I ask myself - Why am I a priest? I can say that I love what I do, that I found my little corner, that I am making my contribution to the world and making a difference but it goes much deeper than that. It goes to my seminal story of faith, to who I am in my deepest reality. This is the same for any of us. It is about knowing our story and seeing where God is and I believe that we most easily and succinctly see God where we are most vulnerable. It is in our vulnerability that God is so with us, so really present to us. In knowing this, we become who we are.

Take a risk to make a gain

Just this week, I went to a birthday party for someone from church. Peter, a young, sophisticated Thai was the birthday boy. I saw how you celebrate birthday parties these days. You celebrate with those with you at the party but also with the world through Facebook. Peter directly uploaded photos taken at his party onto his Facebook. That started people from all over the place sending him greeting messages for his birthday. So Peter was able to celebrate with us present and with the rest of his friends and the world through Facebook. Amazing! Now Peter had a spare phone and I needed a new one. So I asked him about it. It is a Motorola smart phone. I have never had one like this before. He gave it to me on trial and will sell it to me if I like it. Anyway, I now have this phone that can do all sorts of things, including receiving my email. I think it is just amazing!! In my innocence, I never thought of the implications of having such a service. Basically, after 24 hours, I thought - who pays for the email service. Then I realised - I do and it costs big money. So I immediately rang Peter and asked how to disconnect from the email component as it was just costing too much. I then immediately disconnected, being left in my naivety with a big phone bill for this month. My take is that when you take on something new, you are also being opened up to new and unknown risks, risks that may cost. However, take no risks and you take on nothing new. So I pay the cost and move on. I apply this same principle to a request that came my way yesterday from an agency working with urban refugees. The request was to share in givng an asylum seeker a loan of money so that he can get a visa for accepting a job in Thailand. This would be a good outcome but the risk is high. Basically, will he repay the loan? In taking a new step in helping these people, you take a risk. If it works, it allows for a new avenue in helping. If it fails, you tried and you just move on.

Why I am here

Well, I have returned to Bangkok. Being here matters so much to me because I have found a place where I can live my values and ideals as best I can in life. Values and ideals matter to me. That was how I was raised. I have seen my father as a man of values and ideals. Later in life, as he made decisions for mum and him that I saw as being bad decisions, I questioned what happened to this man of values and ideals. I was becoming the disillusioned son or maybe I was being the judgemental son. Then I have just been home and saw mum and dad. It was a important time for me as it allowed me to see my parents as they are. They are now in a different space from where they were 20 months ago when I last saw them. They are frail, forgetful, living in and out of reality and facing life with very few options. They have few enjoyments and hardly ever go anywhere other than out into the front yard. If I make sense of what I experienced with them which was good and so worthwhile but also sad and intense, it is that they are now poor before God and more ready than ever to be with him in the resurrection. I realised that I have to change my mindset in how I approach my parents. They have moved beyond their life of two or five years ago. They have to let go and do in their way, making hard decisions about their life. I also have to let go and see them where they now are, no matter how hard that may be. The whole experience made me realise yet again that, while values and ideals are so important, we all live in a harsh reality wherein we have to make decisions and do the best we can. That is part of the human struggle. I have yo move beyond judging my father by the benchmark of values and ideals. They are not lost and never were, I see that now. He has just had to deal with what is before him and mum, and I see how that is just not easy. It is tough and there are no solutions or ready answers. So, Murray, yes, be true to who you are, be true to your values and ideals, but never become harsh and judgemental of others, especially your family. Allow them to be human and live their life as best they can within the reality that is theirs. Isn't that what I do in my life? We must keep our values and ideals but we must never lose sight of our mortality, our fragility and vulnerability and who we are in our total reality. The bottom line is that we are good people doing the best we can with what we've got. What more can we do?

Another one from Fr Joe's Gospel

Joe Maier shared this original version of Psalm 23 from Thomas Merton at his mum's funeral. "My Lord God I have no idea where I am going, I do not see the road ahead of me, I cannot know for certain where it will end, nor do I really know who I am myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe Lord that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I have that desire to please you in all that I am doing. ..." Joe also shares the four basic chants of Buddhist monks at funerals. They are Nee mai pon - To run and there is no escape. Bhy mai glap - To go and not return. Lap mai dhern - To sleep and not wake up. Fern mai mee - To not return to consciousness. I thought this all worth sharing.

We are in a hiccup

"The real issues are that religion has dropped out of the critical stuff in culture and has banalized God, and the clergy have become caretakers stumbling along with no real leadership. And any leadership they get from the Church is, "Don't do this, don't do that.' The great prophets are not being listened to, the moral high ground has been given up, ... . We can only win by prayer and doing the tiny day-to-day things that generate good energy like helping some throwaway slum kids." -So writes Fr Joe Maier cssr of Bangkok in a biography on him, entitled "The Gospel of Father Joe" I read that and thought "Wow!" How true! I would say the same but in other ways. I always say that we live in a 'hiccup' in the Church's history. The institutional Church has become irrelevant, losing touch with its grassroots. People just move on and live even despite it.

The unsung heroes

You know because I live in Bangkok and and work with refugees and Caritas Thailand, some people see me as some sort of hero. I don't believe that. I just do what I need to do and can do, and I am heppy that I get the opportunity to do what I choose to do what I choose in life. So I see myself as lucky, or maybe better named as blessed. Being at home with mum and dad in their old age, I see who the heroes are - my sisters and others like them who look after their elderly parents or loved ones. It is not easy and one has to be so patient and cheery despite all difficulties. These are among the unsung heroes in our world. I guess we all do our bit and have our place in life. It is a matter of finding it and living it.

Transformed but .....

Yes, easter reminds us that we are called to a transformed reality to being people transformed but there remains the reality that is always before us. Being in Bangkok, I name it as the "we just do what we can" reality. Here at home with mum and dad, I see two people, living a limited existence due to the frailty of their years. One could say that they don't have much in life but they have what they have and they have each other. Like me in Bangkok, they live life within their limitations and do the best they can. I think of all that limits me in my reality in Bangkok. I go everywhere by public transport in a city overcome by traffic. This means that I am limited in where I can be and for how long but I do what I can. I face the demands of government bureaucracy when dealing with issues like my visa but I do what I can. I have limited resources for my work but I do what I can. I keep learning Thai and am yet to master the language after so long but I do what I can. I guess we are caught in between the two levels of our reality. One is that call to the ever greater, the ever beyond. The other is that we live in an environment and context that set up our own set of limitations that we have to deal with in our life. This is what being human is all about. We keep struggling but we also keep striving and believing no mtter what.

Now it is Easter

Well, Easter has come as well and now I am back in Brisbane for the first time in nearly two years. I spent the Easter weekend in Bangkok and then came home. Eastertime in Bangkok was special and well worth being there for it. Why do I say that? One reason was that at mass on Easter Sunday, I saw a good friend who was in town from New York. I was just so happy to see her. Another reason that a difficult person in my life in Bangkok was just so lovely that day. Bothe spoke to me of easter. In my homily, I named the key word for easter as being "transformation". As an Easter people, we are always in whatever shape or situation we find ourselves open to being transformed more into the good people we are called to be, more into the ministers of the gospel we are called to be, and that transformation is always possible. Then I read Dr Prawase's social critique of a Thai society caught up in its own dysfunctions. His number one criticism of Thai society is that community is too weak. That is a challenge of easter - to become the people we are called to be; to become the community we are called to be. Herein lies the power of easter - transformed into someone/s greater, more powerful for the greater good, for the kingdom.

Christmas has come and gone

I am amazed at how long it is since my last entry. I nearly feel guilty. I ask myself - Why? Then I think back and remember that with Christmas came my annual bout of the flu and the flu this time lasted two months. So that is January and februaru gone. After the flu, I decided it was time for a short holiday as I figured that I was run down, as they say. So early March I went to Manila for a few R&R days. Now it is early April. Wow! April already. Where did the time go? I have to recommit to this blog as it has just gone to the end of the line and been forgotten. No excuses! This is Holy Week. I guess I start again from here. With Holy Week came Pauline from Perth. She is here for a two months mission experience. She has come from the West Australian Church to give of her time, gifts and energy to people in need within a totally different Church and social setting. For two months, she is a gift to the Thai Church and to various people she will help while she is here. After only a day, I acknowledge how good it is for me to have someone else with me in my daily mission and struggles. It has made me think how being on my own so much can make me too comfortable, too set in my ways and maybe somewhat eccentric. So Pauline is a gift to me as well as her being here stretches me and challenges me and makes me think about where I am and what I do. We do need others in life. No one is an island.