Take a risk to make a gain

Just this week, I went to a birthday party for someone from church. Peter, a young, sophisticated Thai was the birthday boy. I saw how you celebrate birthday parties these days. You celebrate with those with you at the party but also with the world through Facebook. Peter directly uploaded photos taken at his party onto his Facebook. That started people from all over the place sending him greeting messages for his birthday. So Peter was able to celebrate with us present and with the rest of his friends and the world through Facebook. Amazing! Now Peter had a spare phone and I needed a new one. So I asked him about it. It is a Motorola smart phone. I have never had one like this before. He gave it to me on trial and will sell it to me if I like it. Anyway, I now have this phone that can do all sorts of things, including receiving my email. I think it is just amazing!! In my innocence, I never thought of the implications of having such a service. Basically, after 24 hours, I thought - who pays for the email service. Then I realised - I do and it costs big money. So I immediately rang Peter and asked how to disconnect from the email component as it was just costing too much. I then immediately disconnected, being left in my naivety with a big phone bill for this month. My take is that when you take on something new, you are also being opened up to new and unknown risks, risks that may cost. However, take no risks and you take on nothing new. So I pay the cost and move on. I apply this same principle to a request that came my way yesterday from an agency working with urban refugees. The request was to share in givng an asylum seeker a loan of money so that he can get a visa for accepting a job in Thailand. This would be a good outcome but the risk is high. Basically, will he repay the loan? In taking a new step in helping these people, you take a risk. If it works, it allows for a new avenue in helping. If it fails, you tried and you just move on.

Why I am here

Well, I have returned to Bangkok. Being here matters so much to me because I have found a place where I can live my values and ideals as best I can in life. Values and ideals matter to me. That was how I was raised. I have seen my father as a man of values and ideals. Later in life, as he made decisions for mum and him that I saw as being bad decisions, I questioned what happened to this man of values and ideals. I was becoming the disillusioned son or maybe I was being the judgemental son. Then I have just been home and saw mum and dad. It was a important time for me as it allowed me to see my parents as they are. They are now in a different space from where they were 20 months ago when I last saw them. They are frail, forgetful, living in and out of reality and facing life with very few options. They have few enjoyments and hardly ever go anywhere other than out into the front yard. If I make sense of what I experienced with them which was good and so worthwhile but also sad and intense, it is that they are now poor before God and more ready than ever to be with him in the resurrection. I realised that I have to change my mindset in how I approach my parents. They have moved beyond their life of two or five years ago. They have to let go and do in their way, making hard decisions about their life. I also have to let go and see them where they now are, no matter how hard that may be. The whole experience made me realise yet again that, while values and ideals are so important, we all live in a harsh reality wherein we have to make decisions and do the best we can. That is part of the human struggle. I have yo move beyond judging my father by the benchmark of values and ideals. They are not lost and never were, I see that now. He has just had to deal with what is before him and mum, and I see how that is just not easy. It is tough and there are no solutions or ready answers. So, Murray, yes, be true to who you are, be true to your values and ideals, but never become harsh and judgemental of others, especially your family. Allow them to be human and live their life as best they can within the reality that is theirs. Isn't that what I do in my life? We must keep our values and ideals but we must never lose sight of our mortality, our fragility and vulnerability and who we are in our total reality. The bottom line is that we are good people doing the best we can with what we've got. What more can we do?

Another one from Fr Joe's Gospel

Joe Maier shared this original version of Psalm 23 from Thomas Merton at his mum's funeral. "My Lord God I have no idea where I am going, I do not see the road ahead of me, I cannot know for certain where it will end, nor do I really know who I am myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe Lord that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I have that desire to please you in all that I am doing. ..." Joe also shares the four basic chants of Buddhist monks at funerals. They are Nee mai pon - To run and there is no escape. Bhy mai glap - To go and not return. Lap mai dhern - To sleep and not wake up. Fern mai mee - To not return to consciousness. I thought this all worth sharing.

We are in a hiccup

"The real issues are that religion has dropped out of the critical stuff in culture and has banalized God, and the clergy have become caretakers stumbling along with no real leadership. And any leadership they get from the Church is, "Don't do this, don't do that.' The great prophets are not being listened to, the moral high ground has been given up, ... . We can only win by prayer and doing the tiny day-to-day things that generate good energy like helping some throwaway slum kids." -So writes Fr Joe Maier cssr of Bangkok in a biography on him, entitled "The Gospel of Father Joe" I read that and thought "Wow!" How true! I would say the same but in other ways. I always say that we live in a 'hiccup' in the Church's history. The institutional Church has become irrelevant, losing touch with its grassroots. People just move on and live even despite it.

The unsung heroes

You know because I live in Bangkok and and work with refugees and Caritas Thailand, some people see me as some sort of hero. I don't believe that. I just do what I need to do and can do, and I am heppy that I get the opportunity to do what I choose to do what I choose in life. So I see myself as lucky, or maybe better named as blessed. Being at home with mum and dad in their old age, I see who the heroes are - my sisters and others like them who look after their elderly parents or loved ones. It is not easy and one has to be so patient and cheery despite all difficulties. These are among the unsung heroes in our world. I guess we all do our bit and have our place in life. It is a matter of finding it and living it.

Transformed but .....

Yes, easter reminds us that we are called to a transformed reality to being people transformed but there remains the reality that is always before us. Being in Bangkok, I name it as the "we just do what we can" reality. Here at home with mum and dad, I see two people, living a limited existence due to the frailty of their years. One could say that they don't have much in life but they have what they have and they have each other. Like me in Bangkok, they live life within their limitations and do the best they can. I think of all that limits me in my reality in Bangkok. I go everywhere by public transport in a city overcome by traffic. This means that I am limited in where I can be and for how long but I do what I can. I face the demands of government bureaucracy when dealing with issues like my visa but I do what I can. I have limited resources for my work but I do what I can. I keep learning Thai and am yet to master the language after so long but I do what I can. I guess we are caught in between the two levels of our reality. One is that call to the ever greater, the ever beyond. The other is that we live in an environment and context that set up our own set of limitations that we have to deal with in our life. This is what being human is all about. We keep struggling but we also keep striving and believing no mtter what.

Now it is Easter

Well, Easter has come as well and now I am back in Brisbane for the first time in nearly two years. I spent the Easter weekend in Bangkok and then came home. Eastertime in Bangkok was special and well worth being there for it. Why do I say that? One reason was that at mass on Easter Sunday, I saw a good friend who was in town from New York. I was just so happy to see her. Another reason that a difficult person in my life in Bangkok was just so lovely that day. Bothe spoke to me of easter. In my homily, I named the key word for easter as being "transformation". As an Easter people, we are always in whatever shape or situation we find ourselves open to being transformed more into the good people we are called to be, more into the ministers of the gospel we are called to be, and that transformation is always possible. Then I read Dr Prawase's social critique of a Thai society caught up in its own dysfunctions. His number one criticism of Thai society is that community is too weak. That is a challenge of easter - to become the people we are called to be; to become the community we are called to be. Herein lies the power of easter - transformed into someone/s greater, more powerful for the greater good, for the kingdom.

Christmas has come and gone

I am amazed at how long it is since my last entry. I nearly feel guilty. I ask myself - Why? Then I think back and remember that with Christmas came my annual bout of the flu and the flu this time lasted two months. So that is January and februaru gone. After the flu, I decided it was time for a short holiday as I figured that I was run down, as they say. So early March I went to Manila for a few R&R days. Now it is early April. Wow! April already. Where did the time go? I have to recommit to this blog as it has just gone to the end of the line and been forgotten. No excuses! This is Holy Week. I guess I start again from here. With Holy Week came Pauline from Perth. She is here for a two months mission experience. She has come from the West Australian Church to give of her time, gifts and energy to people in need within a totally different Church and social setting. For two months, she is a gift to the Thai Church and to various people she will help while she is here. After only a day, I acknowledge how good it is for me to have someone else with me in my daily mission and struggles. It has made me think how being on my own so much can make me too comfortable, too set in my ways and maybe somewhat eccentric. So Pauline is a gift to me as well as her being here stretches me and challenges me and makes me think about where I am and what I do. We do need others in life. No one is an island.