Good out of everything

My trip for the day

I was to fly up to Phitsanulok, north of Bangkok, to spend the day at a meeting so as to give a presentation and then retun in the evening.  Om and his US friend, Jim, were coming for the trip to see the sights and enjoy.  A day away, or so we thought.  

It was all planned but all plans fell apart, as they can, when we got to Dom Mueang to be stuck in traffic at the airport itself.  We missed the flight by less than five minutes.  So no trip, no day excursion, no talk to be given. 

Om was disappointed.  For many reasons, it was its own little crisis.  There was no Plan B other than get out before the trafiic hits Bangkok streets and go to work.  I was sad for Om and Jim because they missed a good day out.  As for me, after so many years here, my only reaction was - it just is not meant to be. 

The overriding experience for me was to see the value of a crisis for it showed me that no matter how small the crisis, it puts everything into a healthy perspective.  Never overrate oneself or one's issues.    I saw how in this crisis, everyone involved or affected was kind and considerate.  Everyone's good side, including mine, came to the fore.  My concern was that Om not feel so bad as he was the one driving and the one who set the time to leave for the airport. 

The chaos of a crisis led to my own little metanoia on issues facing me at this time.  I had a new and kinder appreciation of people who had been bothering me.  This change happened unplanned and so quickly in facing my little crisis.  I was so thankful.

I truly believe that good comes out of everything (Romans 8) but, more than that, chaos does lead to change.  I have read that before but this week I experienced it for myself. 





And what about those foreigners?

My home turf

I am always on about the locals but a definite part of the local scene is us western guys and I assure you we have our own level of bizarreness as well.  We are just different. 

My western neighbours are all good guys but, as I think of them, their stories in my Bangkok are right before me and I shudder at times.  Yes, they are all male and all older. 

There is the Irish guy who says he should never drink again or he will die but he keeps going out on binge drinking escapades which always cause him some level of discomfort.  His latest escapade saw him wake up the next morning with his phone and a front tooth missing.  He remembered nothing but first thought that he had been bashed while out to it.  On investigation, he worked out that he had simply lost his phone and had fallen in the bathroom.  A better tale of woe, I thought.

There is the American guy, whom I name as the gentle giant.  He saw action in Iraq and ends up in Bangkok non-stop for ten years.  In that time, he has never returned home, not even to see his new grandchildren.  What is he doing here that is so important?   One thing he is doing is literally drinking himself to death.  It is so sad watching such a nice guy destroying his life.

There is an American who had lived here 12 years.  On retirement and due to a health condition, he returned home to live.  Well, he is back here at the moment for a holiday.  His condition has deteriorated so seriously that he is unable to look after himself properly.  Yet he stills comes here when he is in need of constant care.  Why?  As I piece his story together, I see a man who has been bright and gifted, living all his life working all around the world.  In doing so, he never established roots or a home, he never formed a relationship with a significant other.  So it would seem he belongs nowhere and to no one.  His only home remains on the other side of the Pacific, Bangkok, where he has the ones he calls his only true friends, all older western guys.  So here he comes but so sad to see a man falling apart, unable to care for himself, just landing in Bangkok which is seemingly the only home he ever had but now the reality is that this is no longer his home. 

What happens to these men?  Maybe the key word is "reality".  Bangkok is a place where these guys can live their life in a fantasy.  What we, western guys of Bangkok, have in common is we all have a story.  I would define that as being at the core of our humanity.  What is a key differentiator among the western, male population here is fantasy versus reality.  It is about how we live our story - in a destructive fantasy or in a challenging reality?  We choose.   

Personal Authority

General Prayuth, our PM, and his many lookalikes. 

Earlier this month, I was asked on Facebook by an Australian friend if it was true that the Thai PM had presented a cardboard cutout of himself to a press gathering for them to question instead of him.  Well, it was true.  Apparently, a number of cutouts of the PM had been made for the annual Thai Children's Day.  The creative idea was for children coming to visit parliament to see friendly images of their PM.  The PM took it one step further and presented his cutout lookalike to the press for them to quiz on the day.  This is an exhibition of how authority is exercised in an overly hierarchical society, where status and position are everything. 

Remember back in December at my workplace, there was a robust discussion which impacted upon me?  Well, I decided I had to act as one staff member too many had gotten angry with me once too often.  Something was wrong or not being understood and I needed to act as the one with responsibility in the place.  So I initiated an assessment of myself in my role among the staff to which all replied.   

The big issue as always is communication and I recognise my faults.  Involving people but in Thailand, also at play are culture and the exercise of power Thai style.  It is fascinating for me to be in the middle.  What I see as an outsider is two opposing forces - one is the general expectation to have much discussion while authority is ultimately exercised in an autocratic style and by a Thai. The expressed expectation by some is that authority be exercised in a more autocratic style and not in shared, western liberal ways which is my style. 

I am not sure what I am caught in the middle of as I may be the boss in name but the reality is that I am the outsider, the foreigner in a Thailand, never being aware of all that is going on around me.  I am not complaining.  I know my place and that is okay.  I am just naming my situation where I feel inadequate in the midst of the unknown.

In response, the position I am assuming is that we all have our personal authority within our shared reality.  As we work together, we need to each respect the other's personal authority, no matter who they are, just as the other respects mine. 

My chosen response gives me a way of approaching what I experienced at our first weekly staff briefing which I have initiated on receiving the staff assessment of my role.  What I observed was how senior figures exercised their authority, either given or assumed.  In part, it is culturally determined; in part, is is personally determined.  I observed the senior Thai male among the group making a point with a smile but what he was saying was a serious matter for him and he was asserting his own authority.  I would name it as a power play.  It does concern me.  Basically, not to follow what he was saying regarding an upcoming work meeting could be read as a possible action against his own self-assumed authority.  He exercises authority and power as he has learnt it in his culture and so it can be quite autocratic.  That needs to be respected. 

Culturally and from every other perspective, I decide to respond by listening, hearing the point and standing back to decide what is best within the total picture, acting with my own personal authority, acting for compromise and not come in and act as an autocrat.  That would just be destructive and self-defeating.  I will encourage staff accordingly to assume their own power in good and healthy ways, making the decisions they need to make and thus exercising their own personal authority.  We respect each other and thus work together, even if in somewhat dysfunctional ways.  We are dysfunctional together? 

Amazing Thailand!  Amazing humanity!   

It's all show

What is inside

 

At the cathedral, they have this most exquisite piece for housing the Book of Gospels which is so special and sacred to the church.  On Sunday, when this was before me, I had to have a look.  So I opened it up and saw what was inside.  I was shocked.  The outside is so beautiful and exquisite as it should be, while inside it is just so ordinary, lain paper on which they print or paste the gospel readings.  Opening up the Book of Gospels was such a let down as it was all about presentation. 


This acts as a good reflection on life's realities in my Bangkok.  So much is about presentation but where is the substance which is often lacking? 

All the best for 2018

This little guy is a regular at Sunday mass.  He comes immaculately dressed every Sunday, as do his mum and dad.  They are quite the family, taking incredible pride in their dress and with a different outfit every week.  They are here from Nigeria. 

How do they do it?  I imagine it would be a full-time job for his mum just to dress this little guy as she does but, not so, as she has a regular and demanding job in town.  So just amazing! 

When they are not at church, I miss them as as all three are such effervescent and colourful characters.  They stand out in the crowd and are part of my Sunday fix. 

Well, here is Junior arriving at church for New Year's Day.  His outfit for the day just took the cake.  He looked so cute and was so happy that I had to take a picture.  He made my New Year's.  This is my shot for the beginning of 2018.  Blow the fireworks.  Thanks mum.  Thanks Junior. 

Happy New Year and all the best for 2018.  Let the picture express the message.