Yes, it is Christmas!

Yesterday, I met with a refugee I have been helping for 18 months here in Bangkok. I thought it was time to share a few home truths as I understood his situation. I had my say and then invited him to say whatever he wanted. What he had to say was an eye opener to me. As always, I didn't have the whole picture in focus or rather it was in my focus. It was not that it was completely new stuff but that what he had to share was so real and so full of feeling for him.

Basically, as a refugee who has been in Bangkok five years with his family, he feels abandoned by the UNHCR, an instituion that he had seen five years as an institution that would help him and his family. After five years of going nowhere in Bangkok where life is so tough for ones illegally present in this country, he now sees UNHCR as not wanting or being unable to help him and his family. I could feel by how he spoke, and not just what he said, his frustration, his anger, his very sense of hopelessness. By the end, I was nearly in tears, thinking that life was not meant to be like this for anyone.

After he left, I just sat thinking and praying. My prayer was -
God, what can I do to help these people?
Then I opened my emails and there was one from my mate in Australia. It gave me an answer to my prayer.

Christmas is here; Christmas is real.

Christmas at BRC

Last Friday saw the annual Christmas party at the Bangkok Refugee Centre. This was for the children of urban refugee families. One of the photos I just attached shows the crowd and their faces, their eyes tell it all. They were enthralled and enjoyed the whole morning.

The morning began with a rousing round of Christmas carolling led by the Calvary Baptist Church. I joined in and just loved it. I felt right at home and thought to myself - this is ecumenism at a hands on level. There is s tory behind their being there with us. I was looking for sponsorship for the party so that the children could have Christmas presents. When I contacted the Baptist Church here, they just replied with a "What can we do?" I was so impressed by their spirit and it was a joy to work with them.

After the carolling, the children from the BRC school entertained us with various acts. One was the presentation of the Christmas story. It was an incredible experience as I saw their re-enactment and watched the faces on the crowd. I reflected that the people gathered were of all ages, from many different countries and mainly Muslim and Budhist. Yet they were all mesmerised and so enjoyed the presentation. It told me that here is a human story for all peoples that touches us all and taps into our humanity. It told me that through simple enjoyment we enter into the deeper meaning of life, into our own shared divinity. The divine and the human do go together.

The show finished with food and ice-cream for all. A good time was had by all.

I asked myself - do I believe in Santa Claus? Yes, I do for Christmas is about giving and receiving, about enjoying life and celebrating. So why not let Santa Claus be part of that? If nothing else, Christmas gave all those urban refugees - young and old; Christian, Buddhist and Muslim; ones so vulnerable and so alienated from our world - a welcome relief of some short time just to enjoy a bit of life with others. What a great Christmas gift!

Are we damp logs?

I came across an insight from John of the Cross when looking at Sunday's readings. It was that most of us live lives like damp logs waiting to be thrown into the fire of love, but never get thrown in because we always remain damp. So we just sit there on the wood pile, never achieving our true potential.

How true! What impressed me was the great way of expressing it.

Monday was the King's Birthday - a major day in the Thai Year. I was at a local government celebration for the day. Free food was offered for all. After eating, there followed a ceremony to honour the King. I was very touched by the obvious depth of love and devotion the people show towards their King. There is really something there that can't be denied and must be respected. What was funny is that a ceremony that was so full of reverence and symbolism was followed by the usual local entertainment, featuring yet again the local katoey acting in silly ways. I guess it is their coming together of the sacred and secular.

Unfinished business.

Where was I?

On Sunday 27th November, I experienced a part of Church I have never seen before - the Sovereign Military Or der of Malta. This is a quaint group within the Church. It was founded in 1048 in Jerusalem and goes from there, speaking of a history that begins in the Crusades but moves on into the Middle Ages and a Church of power. It exists today as a lay religious Order that is about standing up for the poor and sick. Its members are highly committed Catholics who, as far as I can see, are all professional and well-educated people. They are part of a group that has all the trappings of a history and tradition that go way back.

I mention this group as last weekend Thailand had its investiture of seven new knights and dames into the Order. This establishes the Knights of Malta here. I wonder what Thais - a Buddhist people of Asia - make of a group that is so Catholic and European with its medieval roots and displays of pageantry.

Its local members are wealthy, hi-so Thais. Thay are of the Catholic and Thai elite. I would think that Thais would see this group within the context of their own culture and society where prestige,status and heirarchy are so important. They were told that they are the elite in helping the poor but as with everything here I see the other side at play.

My boss, Bishop Pibul, was at the cathedral for them. He saw the cathedral community and he saw me there. That gave him a business idea which for him is a Church outreach. I could become more actively pastoral with the community there and that would be a base for fund raising for the local church.

Herein lies the basis for a personally experienced cultural conflict.

I cannot use pastoral outreach as a business venture. That is not me and goes against who I am. Meanwhile, he is expressing what he sees as being good Church from his standpoint and I can appreciate that but it is just not me and I could never do it without endangering my own integrity. Therein lies the business (or cultural or pastoral) conflict. I know what I have to do and what I have to follow. It just is that Bishop P's way is not way and will not be, nor does it have to be.

Fame and power

I am here with Caritas Thailand. I see the good being done in so many ways but I also see the pitfalls. Development is in part a business. That is okay with me and I understand that but it is when the business aspect is too highly emphasized.

Here I am part of a Church that is highly motivated in doing business. Its business achieves good but I see how we devalue our ideals when we emphasize business over what really matters - the gospel and the relationships we engender in following it. Those relationships must be treasured and respected above all, and not abused for the sake of doing business, no matter how valuable that business is for doing good. Otherwise, we run the risk of compromising our integrity and the integrity of the gospel. Neither we nor we in relationship nor the gospel can ever be compromised by the demands of business, even in the business of doing good.

This demands more explanation or opening up. To do this I need more time as it is all too difficult for me to encapsulate the topic right now, and I don't have to for now.

The hazard in helping.

In today's local English newspaper, there is an article featuring Phra Anil, a Thai Buddhist monk. He is leading the Supreme Patriarch's present flood relief effort. (The Supreme Patriarch is the closest the Buddhist monks of Thailand would have to someone being the local Cardinal or Pope.) As such, he is responsible for the distribution of a huge amount of aid being donated by the Buddhist world in Asia. Phra Anil names it as "a surge of compassion from around Asia".

As he reflects on the experience of helping flood victims, he finishes the article with an insight. It goes like this.
"As much as the current crisis is an opportunity to show compassion,
compassion is easily corrupted by the lure of fame and power."

I think, "How true!"

My Bangkok

It may seem cruel to say this but 'my Bangkok' never flooded and I assess that it never will in the midst of this terrible disaster for Thailand. There is an inland sea around us but it has never reached my doorstep.

There are reasons for this. The basic one is that they want to save Bangkok as best they can. That is the choice of the government and I can understand why. So they are pumping water out to get it to sea via other directions and this means that other parts of this region are suffering terribly.

This decision comes at a tremendous cost for others. The inland sea remains, creating havoc for so many, while the authorities do what they can to pump it out and while we all wait and see what course nature takes as that is the superior force at play.

So while the disaster goes on and on, my sense today is the critical period is past for central Bangkok as I see the old 504 bus return after being stopped by the floods. 504 is one of my usual ways of getting to the Bangkok Refugee Centre which has been at the southern edge of slowly approaching floodwaters from the north. I also see that these same approaching floodwaters have receded.

The floods have not come to my Bangkok but they are still here and they are still causing a lot of pain and destruction and terror for the people. I may have my new found sense of personal safety and I may feel more relaxed for the first time in quite awhile but it all comes with a cost and I wonder. I so feel for the ones sitting in these awful waters for weeks. It makes me ask - why me? - even when I wish these waters on no one, even myself.

Disaster has hit

Yesterday, I had lunch with a great priest friend here. He is a New Zealander. We enjoyed our lunch and time together and then we asked for the bill. Believe it or not, dealing with paying bills can be a challenge in Bangkok as there is a real Thai way in approaching such a task. They hover over you while you work out the money and they have their set way of dealing with it. It is all like they don't trust you and that they think you will run away without paying. It is part of here that I have never got used to.

Well, I know all this as I have lived here for six years but yeterday I lost it when facing this everyday task in Thailand. I asked the waitress for change so that I could put in my share of the bill. She then said - No! You have to pay the bill! It was not what she said but that her approach was so arrogant that I just lost it there and then. I thought I am not going to take this as I am the customer.

I realised afterwards that I should not have lost it as it never achieves anything except I get upset. Obviously, something was lost in the translation - I think. As my mate said, that is your head talking but we are much more than that and more important parts were at play.

On further reflection, I realised that this whole situation of living in Bangkok surrounded by a disaster and working under such pressure as a result are all taking its toll. This may explain my reaction to the waitress and help me understand what is happening within me but it is no excuse. So I did go back and apologise to the woman and I have made a resolution - be gentle on myself and on others.

Meanwhile, my mate still did enjoy the lunch.

A typical disaster

Well, I am still here in Bangkok. I have not been in touch because my life has just been so full-on with work and issues arising from it and life in general. Funny, I so hate using the word 'busy' that I use any other sort of term for it. Maybe it has become my hang-up in response to how I experience others using it all the time. It is as if all the world is just too busy but we can't be busy all the time and always need to remember what really matters in life.

The floods are all around Bangkok and in various parts of it. I have even seen them near where I work at Bangkok Refugee Centre. It sounds like extra-terrestrial sightings. The fact remains that so much of central Bangkok still remains dry and so do I. This makes for a funny feeling. You feel as if you are in a siege situation. You can see signs of that as buildings all around have huge sandbag barriers in front of them but still no water after so many weeks. It is like waiting for the Battle of Britain.

Bangkok remains an eerie sort of place in which to live. Then there is also the guilt. You feel guilty not having floodwaters under your feet as you know so many others are suffering but you aren't and should be. Funny that - as I don't want to be flooded, especially with all the yuck and awful things in it.

This disaster goes on and on. It is not just as simple as - there are floods, they come and then you clean up. It seems to just go on forever and you come to a point where you just have to say - life has to go on and when and if they come, so be it. This is not a typical Brisbane flood disaster. This is drawn out and the time it takes is itself taking its toll on everyone. There is the lack of good information on which to make any plans. People are stressed just by the nature of the threat and the time it is taking. It is not just the flooding itself. You feel stressed but you get on with it.

I have a motto for my work with urban refugees - just do what you can. That is fast becoming my overall motto for all my work in this unique disaster.

Who is running the show?

In today's Bangkok Post, the story reads - Cause was heavy rain, not mismanagement. This was proclaimed by the Governor of the Electricity Generating Authority of Thailand (EGAT).

In the same paper, there is an article slamming the Prime Minister of Thailand for her lack of leadership in the midst of this crisis.

It would seem that not all political sides can be right on everything. There is the real story but that may have to come out with time. I don't know what is what. I don't need to know either. I just live here. All I can see is that there is a natural disaster at play in Thailand and many people are suffering and need help. Many others live under threat of this same disaster which is still unfolding.

I do know that my boss at Bangkok Refugee Centre now has water around her house. She expects the water to come into her house soon and that it will stay there for sometime. She lives in the north of Bangkok. I know this because I just spoke with her. She is upset and I just feel for her. All this I know - real people are being flooded and they are suffering. Many other things we may not know about this flood. For now it seems all we can do is sit with the reality and help those who are suffering while their number is increasing daily. We can only deal with the daily reality for now in the midst of the crisis and the chaos that is ours. We do our best and keep up those spirits, no matter what.

In the midst of all this, there is a political story. I don't know what it is. I only hear the talk and read the stories. For now, what matters is to deal with the crisis and help the people. The political outfall can come later and someone will deserve an apology as everyone can't be all wrong or all right - can they?

Panic buying.

Water has still not come to the central part of Bangkok where I live. Yet the shelves in the stores have been empty of many items for at least two weeks now. I can't buy bottled water anymore. I think that this is what happens when panic enters the community psyche.

Then, someone else here, alerts me to something else that is at play in this. He mentions how he keeps buying food, even when he knows that he doesn't need it. He just calmly describes this as buying 'comfort food'. How true!

When in times of doubt, stress or insecurity, we need to build up our defences and sense of personal comfort. One way of doing this is by buying up big. I also see this around me as people build these walls around their businesses and residences. Will they stop the flooding if and when it comes? Given the level of water, no, they won't. What they serve to do is to make people feel more secure, even if that security is false or short lived. How vulnerable, we all are! That is part of the human condition we all share.

It was punishment.

Yesterday, I rang a Thai I know to see how she was in the floods. She lives in Bangkok.

Two weeks ago, when the floods were to the north of Bangkok, she was telling me that this was punishment for the Red Shirts and what they have done to the country. This speaks of one of the political divides in Thailand - Red Shirts versus Yellow Shirts. The present government has its Red Shirt support, while the Yellow Shirts are more Bangkok and for the previous Abhisit government. She is obviously a Yellow Shirt supporter.

Yesterday, she told me that the floods were about to engulf her house and her cry now was - Why is this happening to us?

The point in presenting this is not to enter into Thai politics but to make a point about humanity and how we explain away suffering.

For this woman, while the floods were away up in the north of Bangkok somewhere, in areas that support the government, it was easy to explain away a great national tragedy by holding the view that the gods were punishing others for their wrongs. That so easily serves to keep discomfort and the hard parts of life out there, away from us, by blaming them away on others who are not part of us.

Now, that the floods are upon her and are very much a part of her reality, it is a different story. It is much more personal and much harder to explain away. So the great question of humanity, throughout history, is now asked by her in the face of suffering - Why? When it is all too hard for us, the easy way out is just to put your hands up in the air and ask - Why? More specifically - Why are the gods doing this to us?

Neither way of approaching such a disaster is very helpful or rational. While understandable, both are rather simplistic approaches to a complex dilemma. Both approaches put the blame out there, onto someone else. Neither involves taking responsibility and asking the needed and hard questions.

Philosophically, God does not just sit up there creating human suffering. In this disaster, we eventually have to start asking the hard questions. The 'Why did this happen?' questions. This will lead onto our looking into what part did we have to play in all of this. The issues will then arise - care for the environment, urban planning, water management and so the list will grow. It will then be our challenge of facing these issues and acting on them.

This leads onto the other basic human stance that such simplistic approaches, as voiced by my Thai friend, attack. Basically, no matter who we are in Thailand - Thai or farang, yellow shirt or red shirt, aristocrat or peasant, city person or farmer - we are all in these floods together and we need each other to face their destruction. Such approaches, as my friend's, serve to continue the divides which act against our own good. The basic reality is that, no matter who we are, we all need each other, especially in the face of adversity.

The critical period is past.

The floods are there. The area covered by water is the size of a small country. Many communities and people are suffering. Still, however, there is no water my way while it is so close. It just makes you wonder. There are many conflicting stories about what will happen. In part, it is because no one really knows as what is at work is Mother Nature. She is running the show. I guess it also depends who you are and where you are. If you are in the floods, all looks bleak and the worst is happening. Watching it from central Bangkok, it is still the unknown which is playing the upper hand. It is like being in a city under siege.

This living on hold, waiting for something terrible to happen, has been going on for so long now. It causes its own stress. After so long, you just think that you can't keep living like this. You wonder what is even being played out - reality or someone's version of reality? So you just get on with life and not focus on what may happen but on what is before you. Que sera, sera, as Doris Day once sang.

It could be worse.

Well, 6pm yesterday was named as the critical time with high tide producing unusual peak levels in the Chao Praya River. That has come and gone and still no water where I am. I have my rubber boots ready for action and they are ready to go. As my Irish Superior in Ecuador would always say when something went wrong - It could be worse. That is true and, for me, definitely so!

There is water all around Bangkok and good people are suffering terribly. Bangkok remains like a city under siege and just waiting for whatever may befall it. There are the awful stories arising of looting and you just think what sort of people would do this to others caught up in the suffering of such a tragedy.

Actually, in the midst of such a disaster, you feel guilty that nothing drastic has happened to you yet as well. That may seem funny but that is one felt feeling as one caught in the midst of this disaster.

Then I see the news this morning and see the famine in Somalia yet again. It is being said that this famine is man made due to corruption and war and I just think how cruel humanity can be to each other. How can we do this to others and let ones get away with it??

Here I am watching the news for updates on floods in Thailand and what do I see? Qantas has been grounded by its CEO due to an industrial dispute. Qantas is an Australian icon. As an Australian, I just think - WOW!! I may be waiting for flood waters to hit but this is really something, grounding Qantas. Who would ever think that this would happen? Another man made disaster!

It is like - what next?

A man made, natural disaster.

Yes, that is right! A man made, natural disaster! I heard this western guy this week on his phone telling someone that we are waitng for a man made, natural disaster to hit Bangkok.

This is being said because the water heading through Thailand out to sea at present is not all from monsoonal rain. What has created all this water has been the combination of the rains plus the release of water from two major dams in the north of Thailand at the same time. What is being said is that these dams could have had their water released earlier before the rains. This practice would have prepared the dams to accept more water from expected rains. Instead the rains fell and the already full dams could not cope with all the water. So the excess water was released and you then have all this water going through Thailand at the same time.

Where I am in Bangkok it is still dry. By the satellite shots, Bangkok is now surrounded by water. This, they say, is the critical time for Bangkok. It is just a matter of time when the water. What remains in question is how much will hit where you are.

I decide just to stay put for three reasons.
1) Where would you go and how long would you go for?
2) Staying here, I can keep doing my neeeded work with Caritas.
3) Here I am not alone.

So you just take each day as it comes and deal with what may be in front of you. What remains the worst is the unknowing and the eerie sense that has enveloped a Bangkok waiting for disaster.

I sit with two thoughts.
1) Things are never as bad as you think. The reality is much better to deal with than the unknown.
2) So many people are already suffering and you just feel for them.

In the midst of all, I have a real sense that I am not alone. Man may have helped to create this huge disaster but it is with other men and women that I feel a great and needed sense of solidarity.

Bangkok braces

Yes, there is this huge mass of water that has to go to sea and, yes, it has to go through Bangkok. So Bangkok will flood. Many parts already are but where I live and work the waters still have not arrived. This maintains the ongoing sense of expectation of something awful will happen but as all along the questions remain. These are the basic questions of when and how. The ultimate question still remains, even if unreal - will it happen to me? Beyond the experienced sense of dire expectation, one lives in the midst of ultimate unknowing about what one is about to face.

All this helps to create an eerie Bangkok. A city of 12 million is about to go under and people just wonder and feel a sense of panic or insecurity. That is my Bangkok at the moment.

The stories are different elsewhere. Some are just tragic. What matters is that they are all real stories, coming out of people's lives in the midst of adversity. Together the form the one story that will be the Thai floods of 2011.

Yes, Your Holiness,

Well, yesterday, I am working at Caritas Thailand and someone hands me a letter and asks me to write a response to it. I see what it is - a letter from the Vatican. It is the Pope expressing his solidarity with the Thai bishops in the midst of the floods and assuring them of his heartfelt sympathy for what has happened to the people and his support for helping all affected by the floods. So my task was to write a response that will be signed by the bishops here.

So, yes, Your Holiness, I may still be dry and I am not sure what will happen next but the truth is many people are suffering a terible loss. You take it day by day and do your best, knowing that in the end all be well, as Julian of Norwich said. What this tragedy brings is great opportunity for good and for acting for good with others.

So I act to get involved in helping others as that is so much better than just sitting around wondering what will happen next. I have this opportunity as one working with Caritas Thailand and as a priest and religious in the Thai Church. I am not sure where this is all going but it is going somewhere and not just out to sea. I am thankful for the opportunities I have.

His Holiness expressed a great truth and way of acting - solidarity. Solidaity in faith, in humanity and in prayer. His message is much appreciated and very real. Thank you.

Bangkok is flooding,

Assumption Cathedral of Bangkok is by the Chao Praya River. So I faced going there today for mass with a sense of trepidation. Basically, how much water would I meet? It was not going to stop me, but ...?? Well, I got there and saw that there was no water at all lying around. So there is still no water my way.

For me, what remains the worst part of the floods is the not knowing. I see much suffering in the news and know of it personally through others around me. Shouldn't I be doing more?

Then I remember that my friend, Tony, threw down the gauntlet for me yesterday. Your Order wants to be here. Well, now is your opportunity. Choose a flood affected community and target it to be there with the people and help them in post-flood recovery. That will be your way of entering. We are to think of what will they be suffering in this community and respond. Well??!!

In the midst of tragedy,

On Saturday, I met with Tony, my good American friend here. He has a lovely place just on the northern edges of Bangkok. Sadly, his house became just yet another victim of the floods. I say - "Just another victim" - but it was so sad to see him so upset and to hear of his loss. His loss is real and it is just heart breaking. So just another loss is another real story added to the already millions of stories of this great tragedy that is the Thai floods of 2011.

We got talking. It is obvious that these floods have their own story. Is it climate change at work? In part, it is but like everything else here, there is much more at work. The waters also are a result of poor management of the country's water resources. Basically, they are emptying two huge dams which have become too full. They should have done this weeks ago but left this task until when the big rains came and so the floods just became huge. It is just shocking to hear the tale as this tragedy could have been lessened or avoided to a big extent.

It all makes you think. It makes you go beyond individual suffering to asking the big questions.

Listen more

This has been another different week in Bangkok. This time it is because of the great tragedy that is the floods in Thailand. They are the worst in decades and they are approaching Bangkok. There is just a huge mass of water that needs to get out to sea and guess what is the way? People, their homes and communities and, of course, Bangkok.

I am not swimming and by no means suffering in any real way. What I experience of this shared Thai tragedy is only minor but still real. It is the experience of living in a city that lives under the expectation that something terrible will happen but not knowing where, when or how, and to what extent. Basically nature is a powerful force and is at work. I respect that. What does make this tragedy worse is the lack of information from reliable sources combined then with local talk and gossip. That is a deadly combo for giving rise to unneeeded panic.

It tells me that we need to listen more and talk less.

I still work around Bangkok and do my business. I continue my work, helping urban refugees. As I dealt with some of them recently, it struck me just how overcome they are by their own continuing plight. Urban refugees in Bangkok live in survival mode, even if that. Being illegal and unwanted in Bangkok, they have to deal with so many terrible issues. Their life is just full-on dealing with the daily questions that face them -
how will I pay the rent?
will there be food for the table for the family?
will we be caught by the police?

So when I have to meet with them in the midst of the great unknown that is the flood crisis that is facing Bangkok, I realise that they are hardly even aware of such a huge tragedy facing the wider community. They are just stuck in their own little worlds as it is just too hard to deal with anything else. This for me spoke heaps.

Am I so important?

I reflect on my posts from last Monday -
how busyness is such a social disease (as I name it);
the event of the mad bus driver (take either meaning of 'mad');
my encounter at Immigartion (I, the offender).

I see a commom theme running through all three and it is in line with today's gospel story where none of those invited went to the banquet. Maybe they were too busy too. Who knows? You know whatever their reason for not going, what they were saying to their host was that they and their concerns were much more important to attend any such function.

Then just think what they missed out on.

Am I so important that I get upset when someone insults me or threatens me or calls me an offender? There is the great saying - get over it! Or there is the other one - just deal with it! So I guess the way to go is deal with it, get over it and move on!

Am I so imporatnt to be too busy for another? Am I so important to be upset when another is too busy for me?

Deal with it, get over it and move on!

So keep enjoying the banquet we are called to in life.

Another first in Thailand,

Today, I went to Immigration for my regular 90 day reporting. I discovered to my surprise that I had miscalculated the days and that I had overstayed. So I was fined. I know that I last came into Thailand in April but I figured that by renewing my visa in July that served as reporting to Immigration but I was told not so as they are two separate requirements. Just report every 90 days that you are in the country, no matter what.

I am sure this had worked for me before but maybe they have changed the rules and so I just have to leave the country every 90 days or report to Immigration. My take is that this reporting is all about control. This was confirmed for me when the Immigration Officer counselled me today and spoke with these words - "You have stayed too long in my country".

I am thinking that I am here to do good work in her country but that does not seem to matter. All I could do was to smile, apologise and pay the fine. What else can you do in the face of a bureaucrat and a bureaucracy? Or that is my take.

Then I had another first. On the bus back from Immigration, the bus stops at a bus stop. A passenger is about to get off but the bus starts up and the passenger yells out at the driver. Whatever the passenger said, the driver yelled back, got off the bus and got stuck into the passenger, just throwing punches into the passenger's face. Everyone gets off the bus. I am the only foreigner and just watch in shock. I have never seen this anywhere in my life. A bus driver getting stuck into a passenger and when he is finished, just jumping back onto the bus and speeding off with just himself and the conductor on board.

What is all this about? Are we losing the plot here? It does make you wonder about what really does go on here in gentle Thailand. That is the image but what is the reality? It is not all about gentleness and loveliness, that is for sure.

Passion lost;

Earlier this past week, I met two friends from New York for a beer. They are both regulars, like me, in Bangkok, and we are all here because of our commitment to the gospel and humanity.

As we all sahre a deep commitment to the Church, guess what we talked about over our second beer? Church!!

One of my New York friends is a strong member of Call to Action, an activist movement in the US Church. She proudly recounts how she marched in the last Gay Pride parade in New York. She was part of the Call to Action contingent that marched in solidarity for gay and lesbian rights in the Church. I think - good on you!!

From there, she proceeded to talk about the issues for which she feels so much passion - married and women priests in the Church. You could feel her passion. Once again, I think - good on you!!

Worryingly, I noticed that that I did not share her passion. I am not against these issues. I just did not feel the passion for them as she does and as I used to. That is what worried me. Where did my passion go?

Where did it go? Submerged under the pressures of a hectic life? Clouded with age? Retreated, thinking what is the use as the institution will never change? Just become sedate, with having found my little corner in the world to do my bit for the gospel?

This question besotted me for the rest of the week. Then on Sunday, I wentto church at Ruam Rudee, a Redemptorist parish here in Bangkok. Here they are building a 10 million USD parish centre. After mass, I was asked by some woman to buy a ticket to help in paying for this building. I just instantly replied:
I would not give one baht to such a building. It is wrong. It is a sin. It is unjust. I live and work here to help the poor in Thailand. We should be giving such money to feed and house the poor.
I then told the woman who I was as I was not going to be anonymous. She was in shock.

A simplistic response by me? Maybe? What mattered for me was that I had rediscovered my passion for the gospel. It has been there all along.

Sorry that it has been so long.

It has been a long time since I have entered anything into my blog. I could say that I have been busy but that is only an excuse. More than that I live in a world where everyone is too busy for everything - too busy to be with friends; too busy to do something different; too busy to go anywhere and somewhere. It strikes me that busyness is the new social disease of the western world and it is fast hitting Asia in its big cities. We had better watch out.

I would rather say that my life is intense and it is!

Harmony

Tuesday's Bangkok Post has the headline - Harmony tops government's priorities. I can identify with this.

This week saw me break a couple of barriers, as I name them. It happened on Monday which was the first day of the new Yingluck Government and the Feast of the Assumption.

For the feast, I went along to Assumption Cathedral for its patronal celebrations. I joined in the mass led by the Archbishop and I was amazed at how much I understood and at how well I could participate in Thai. I am not saying that I am now fluent in Thai but I feel like that I have broken a barrier and gone to the next stage. Along with this, I found myself connecting in a good way with the Thai priests there. I have often found this to be a challenge as the priests here seem aloof or hesitant to engage you. I guess it is the language barrier at play. It has taken me nearly six years to get this far but here I am finally.

I can see how we so easily misunderstand each other through our own strange ways of behaving and communicating. When I hear Thais many times speaking in English, they can sound rude and aggressive. It is not that they are being rude or aggressive. It just is that is how they sound when speaking a language that is so difficult for them. Harmony is a wish of all in life but it is an often elusive value.

New Thai Parliament Today

The national election in Thailand was held four weeks ago. The country's Electoral Commission has now finished its process of approving the electoral results and so today the new Parliament will be sitting for the first time with a new government, led by the Pheua Thai party.

From here it is to see the backing of Yingluck Shinawatra as the new Prime Minister. We will then see what happens next.

Having seen the recent performance of US politicians in Washington, it does make you wonder who is anyone to act as the judge of the Thailands of the world for their politics. The whole world seems to be crying out for good, strong, ethical leadership. It is so needed in a fragmented world.

Government still to be formed

While one side in the election may have the big win, my time here would tell me that anything could happen yet. I would hold that we will know the outcome once the new government is formed, and only then.

Then yesterday's news showed Yingluck, the Pheu Thai leader and the future PM at present, cooking noodles at an election rally. The question posed was - is this a case of corruption? Buying votes with noodles?

Anything is possible in these places. Nothing is ever as it seems. So who knows what next? Yingluck and the Pheu Thais are the object of much talk and stories from the other side. It makes you wonder what is happening and is unsettling. I guess as they say - just keep watching this page.

Election Update

40 parties fielded candidates in the Thai election held on Sunday. Of these, only 11 were able to gain any seat in the Parliament.

Pheu Thai won 265 seats and holds a firm majority for government with the support of four minor parties, having 299 seats in the new Parliament. One of these parties, the Mahachon Party, has only one seat.

Abhisit, the leader of the deposed Democrats has stood down as leader. He was the Prime Minister but his government was never elected by the people. The Democrats had won government through a parliamentary vote.

In following post-election commentaries, I see that there are some major lessons being named from this election. These include:
1) The people want to elect their own government and not have it chosen for them by politicians or other elites.
2) Politicians and political forces cannot operate divorced from the people.
3) The people want politicians who will act for the good of all people in Thailand.
4) All people want to enjoy the benefits of their society and not just see them enjoyed by the few.
5) The established power bases of Thai society need to recognise that the general Thai population is saying they want their voice to be heard and respected in Thailand and not have decisions made for them by powerful others.

Pheua Thai in

Yesterday saw the Thai elections held with a defining win for the Opposition. This means the end of the Abhisit government. To say this is too simply describing what happened and what may seem to be happening.

The Pheua Thai Party with Yingluck Shinawatra as its leader is the winner but this statement does not tell the story.

You see many parties standing for election but in the end they all go behind one or the other of the two major parties. This means that you have two blocks in the Parliament and no real Independents.

Then there is another interesting fact that I just learnt. Ministers of the government are not allowed to vote in the Parliament. So you might have the majority but with the loss of ones who are ministers you still need the support of minor parties.

Both these factors allow for ongoing division along the two side model and for instability as minor parties hold much sway.

Of course, the factor we don't know about is just how much dirty play is involved. The Democrats played the card of reminding the people of the demonstrations and destruction of last year in Bangkok due to the Red Shirt demonstration but there was no mention of 91 Thais killed at the end of the same demonstrations. I live in a country where 91 citizens were murdered and nothing substantial has been done over a year later to see justice done.

We really don't know the whole story nor is the whole story being told.

Many questions

I thought it as so smart to get a photo of me using the elction poster for the BhumJaiThai Party. Then I found that in putting it onto my blog that I could not work out how to have it stand up and down. So there it sits to the side, looking so funny. Maybe that itself is a reflection on my life in Bangkok.

Last night, I went out with a trusted friend, an American here for 40 years, for dinner. We went to a fantastic Italian restaurant. As usual, we just talked at length about life here and life in general. I shared how I have been here for over five years and have never really connected with the Thai clergy as they so often appeared to me as arrogant and even, at times, rude. He said not to see it like that, saying that is who they are. He went on to say how Thais have such big egos and can't see what we see in them.

I was then at a meeting yesterday when a Thai priest walked in. he greeted everyone in the Thai way but seemed to overlook me. I thought that I would not just accept this. So I did the real western thing and stood up, streteched out my hand and said, "Hi, I am John". I then discovered a man who instantly relaxed and changed and I found a man who was sophisticated, pleasant and good company.

All of this reflects so typically on my life in Thailand and is saying something. As I said last night to my American friend, we so love it here as it is never dull and always fascinating, meeting such great characters - Thai and otherwise.

Thai Election

On Sunday, 3rd July, Thailand has its national elections. Political posters are everywhere, polluting one's view of the environment which is polluted enough already.

By observing these posters, there seem to be 33 possible political parties. The two major opponents remain prominent - the Democrats and Pheua Thai. There is a lot of propaganda. I would even say more strongly that the political story is not being told as it is. There is no facing the real issues and no dealing with the pain felt within a society divided and still bleeding after the events of robust protests managed by both sides over the past five years. The policies of the parties seem to centre on running a huge natioanl jumble sale. Basically, vote for me and I will give you for the mere price of one vote ...........

The posters of Party 16 say it for me. They show the body of their candidates but they have no face. Where there is supposed to be a face there is a circle cut out of the poster. So anyone can put their face into the hole made and become that candidate for that moment.

This really speaks to me about the nature of this election.

I wonder if democracy really works. I believe in it but I see it being used as a front by many forces throughout the world. How often do we hear -
This is about democracy
or
We are about democracy
or
Democracy has spoken.

Amidst it all, I feel for the ordinary people, the little people. Do they benefit from what is happening or are they being used and just continue to suffer their lot?

Keep your focus

Yesterday, I was hit in the face by three separate encounters with various ones who make up a big part of my life in Bangkok. Each party presented a different theme that hit into my own life space. One was hurtful in their lack of inclusiveness and basic graciousness. Another was being far too quick to be bloody minded with someone at the workplace over a small issue - and why? I asked. Another was just moving too fast and just changing the game plan far too rapidly as they shared with me about their life's present happenings - and I wondered what is happening as this is too much for me. How do they cope? I asked myself.

I talked about it all with my good friend here. He made a point using Pascal who gave some statement about diversions in our life and how they stop us from facing ourselves. Then I heard a line on TV - Islam teaches that the greatest jihad we all face is the one where we face the inner struggle and face ourselves.

Then it hit me. I had actually forgotten one of my own central principles in living here - KEEP YOUR FOCUS. My own little chaos of yesterday made me remember my own good advice.

You first have to name your focus. For me here, that focus is and has always been - working with refugees and building up a healthy life that is in line with who I am. This leads onto one of my other guiding principles for life here - being is more important than doing. Your doing comes out of your being.

How Connected Am I?

I must apologise for not being so faithful to this blog yet again. I was actually focused on another blog - the blog of UCAN (Union of Catholic Asia News). You can check there - www.ucanews.com - but I would like to share one entry from there here on my own blog with you. It goes like this.

I live in Bangkok, one of the many great cities of Southeast Asia. There is no shortage of life and people on its streets. Yet I sometimes wonder as a westerner living in the midst of such heaving life, just how connected we all are to life and those around us.

I see the western guy taking his friend home from one of the many bars and clubs. I see the blank look on his face and wonder what there is between them.

I reach out to a western friend to meet for a chat but realize after the call that he was already on his sixth or more beer and it is only eight in the evening. We never meet.

I think I have finally made a Thai friend amongst my neighbours and then I am asked the question - can I give some money to help?

I try to understand what is going on around me and the ultimate response to my questioning is simply that Thai culture is at play, nothing else.

I love being in Thailand. I admire the Thais for so many reasons. I love my work here. Yet I do pay a price. It is named by my simple quest - to become more connected in a city where so many around me seem to want anything else but this. It remains my quest as being connected with others is not just good for my soul but necessary for my survival.

Thank God for the good friends I do have. They keep me grounded in a city where life can just become crazy at times. They keep my faith alive in the midst of craziness.

The Road to Emmaus

This Sunday's Gospel was Luke 24 - The Road to Emmaus Story.

Having travelled in solidarity with the Risen Christ,
having opened themselves to the story,
their hearts were burning and the vision was re-enlivened.
Did not their hearts burn within them!

As we hear the story of our birth, of our childhood,
do not our hearts burn within us!
As we celebrate life with family, friends and community,
do not our hearts burn within us!
As we recall the memories of love lived and experienced in our life,
do not our hearts burn within us!

As we see the child begging in Silom,
do not our hearts burn within us!
As we see the love of a father and a mother for their dying child,
do not our hearts burn within us!
As we see the suffering of children injured by war in Libya, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan,
do not our hearts burn within us!

As we hear the cries for justice in the midst of war, poverty and human degradation,
do not our hearts burn within us!
As we hear the pleas for forgiveness from a hurting heart,
do not our hearts burn within us!
As we hear the call for mercy from a troubled soul,
do not our hearts burn within us!

As we hear and know the cry of God's love for me, for us, for all people,
do not our hearts burn within us!
As we feel the passion yet again for the gospel and its message that God is with us,
do not our hearts burn within us!
As we find a reason again to take up life and live it to the full and find there God in our midst,
do not our hearst burn within us!
As we travel the road of solidarity with the Risen Christ in the midst of humanity and our world,
do not our hearts burn within us!

What is real?

I was eating in the street in my neighbourhood last night and I got talking to this young Thai guy who was also at the same 'street eatery'. He was friendly and we just talked.

I have been in the neighbourhood four and a half years now and know it well. He was saying where he lived and I thought that was just a normal sort of place for Thais. Then he said he had a car and I just thought that he is better off than most. Then he said he was from the north where he had a house. He is only 28 and so I assumed that he came from a wealthy Thai family. But then he said that he sells beds at a department store. I then really wonder - what is going on here? A wealthy Thai selling beds? If not wealthy, how does he have so much?

Then I realised where his house, car and other wealth came from after he then mentioned about living in England for six months with some older UK guy who has three sons with his ex-wife. In the past six years, he has had two foriegn boyfriends - this one and a Japanese guy. Each has invested in him big time. Between the two of them, he has been given a car and much money which has allowed him to establish a family business and to buy a house and many other things. Having spent all his money and now being single, he finds himself selling beds in a department store.

While this may be a typical story in Thailand, it is all still a bit much to piece together at once. I have so many questions which I don't ask. I have much food for thought. Then I return to my basic and originating question for any further thought or reflection - What is real? This is a true story but still - what is real?

Relationships in Thailand

I just touched on what was the basic, moral question to be asked in a Thailand. My view is that this is it - Is it real or unreal? From there, one can proceed to the right and wrong, the good and bad questions.

The presenting situation for me was a request made within a friendship. Having shared what I did last time, it made me think that, for the sake of clarity, I now needed to share how I perceive relationships operating here. This may be a personal interpretation but it is mine and I can't deny it.

Where I come from, my parents and others that I know love each other and because of that love they live for each other, they then share all that they have. What I see here is the opposite. A relationship is first based on people sharing what they have. They then enter into a relationship where they share and live their love.

This is based on what I observe and know from living here. My experience may be limited. I recognise that it is a generalisation and generalisations are not always helpful. Finally, I want to be clear on what I am not saying. I want to be clear
-that I am not saying that back home is any better;
-that I am not saying that good and genuine relationships do not occur here.

It is just about recognising the differences that I experience. I also see the weaknesses arising in relationships both here and back home. These weaknesses speak of human weakness and fragility, and we all know this so well. Once again, these weaknesses may have different manifestations or cultural interpretations but we all share in them as we all share the same humanity.

While we may recognise our diffferences because of culture, we must more importantly affirm our mutual humanity. That is an important insight arising for me out of my time here. I see that we can too strongly emphasise differences because of culture to the detriment of affirming our shared humanity. Living here I can see how we can even excuse what is not good on the basis of culture but culture is not an excuse for mistreatment or downplaying of others. What is of any culture may be good or sometimes bad. What is good is to be treasured. What is bad in terms of not upholding the goodness and dignity of people is to be challenged. Above culture, there lies the good human ethic as expressed through a gospel ethic.

I am sounding like a priest again.

What is real or unreal?

Living in Bangkok, I have found that the basic moral question to be asked is not what is good or bad? what is right or wrong? BUT What is real or unreal?

I was confirmed in this last night when I received a text message from a Thai friend whom I judged to be reasonably well off as he has a house and a car. He was asking for money to pay the monthly rent. I then automatically started questioning what our friendship was about. Living here, I knew immediately that was not the way to base any question on the situation.

It reminded me yet again that the basic question in living here is what is real or unreal? Don't make moral judgements on actions but pursue this basic question and see where it leads.

The reality is that, within a seemingly wealthy Thailand, life is tough for its poor, for its average citizens. The reality is that asking each other for money to help out is the way they live. Western standards do not apply and cannot be assumed. Human standards, however, do apply and we need to uphold what is good and natural in living together for the sake of mutual dignity and respect.

I sound like a priest.

Easter in Thailand ....

In a non-Christian country, Easter is just another day of the year. It just means nothing. Why shouldn't it? So it is that, as a Christian here, it seems like you have a special duty to celebrate Easter so as to show the flag, as they say.

So I was off to Good Friday services with a bunch from a Foundation for the poor in Bangkok run by the famous Fr Joe Maier, an American Redemptorist here longtime. In their van, I met their new volunteer - a young Australian male. He is here for six months to help look after the children. He is full of zeal and is just here to do some good in the world. He expresses that he has no experience of Church while he works in a Catholic school back home. I hear a conversation where he is asked to describe religion in Australia. He simply said that Australia is an atheistic country. I was shocked to hear such a blanket description. I would describe it as post-Chritian or secular but not atheistic. After all, there are many peoples that make up Australia and there are those that are part of Church - aren't there?

Still, I kept silent and I realised that, according to his own life experience, Australia is atheistic as he then said that all his friends were agnostics or atheists. So that is Australia for him. We both come from the same country but have such different experiences of it. For each of us, our experiences are valid and are just what they are. They are then reflected in how we describe our country. I can't deny his experience or his description.

Maybe celebrating Easter in a non-Christian country is not so divorced from celebrating it in Australia. It just is that in Australia, the place is on holidays and there is not the usual hustle and bustle of life.

Happy Buddhist New Year

Yes, April 13, 14 and 15 see Buddhist New Year. It is meant to be a lovely time of coming together and paying dutiful respect to your elders. Instead in Thailand it has become one almighty water warfare on the streets. So I exited and went to the Philippines for New Year.

I must say that I love the Philippines and Filipinos but my time was a 'halo halo' time - a mixed experience.

As I went around my small section of Manila in the centre of town, I saw mixed messages. I saw more and more people living on the streets. I could see evidence of the increasing poverty in the country. Then as I approached the Church, what I saw was the overpowering message of an institution exerting its power to stop the Government's Reproductive Health Bill. Where was the Church's message on poverty and suffering in its own country?

These mixed messages made me feel angry inside as I saw a lovely people suffering more and more under poverty and injustice and what was the Church's focus? - no condoms! It makes me angry as I hear no great Church outcry over the plight of the mass of poor in the Philippines. I also see the hypocrisy of the institutional Church as I see no great response to the reality of more and more children living on the streets.

I won't say much more as I want to allow room for reflection and just present my take on what is happening.

Mabuhay!

A day of Thai culture.

Yesterday was Sunday and I did two things that are typical Sunday activities. I went to mass and I went to see a movie. Both turned out to be Thai cultural events in my day.

Mass
I went to Ruam Rudee, the Redemptorist church, for mass. As it was the first Sunday of the month, they had their usual theme of Missioner of the Month for preaching. This time it was Fr Wanlope, the one in charge of the Redemptorists' minor seminary in Thailand. He presented as a likeable and sociable character. Then he talked on the Seminary.

They have 66 seminarians aged between 11 and 17. They go to the "best school in the country - Assumption College, Sriracha Campus". They can only take 14 applicants each year as there are only 14 places available at Assumption College available for the seminarians. This year, they had 95 applicants. So, he says, there is no shortage of vocations. The proof of this statement would be if there was not the offer of a free education at the best school in the country.

Then he described the weekly devotional programme for the seminarians. This features at least 30 minutes each evening within the following weekly routine.
Mondays - Divine Mercy
Tuesdyas - Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament
Wednesdays - Mother of Perpetual Help Novena
Thursdays - Rosary and confession where all the seminarians are to go to confession to Fr Wanlope, their Director, each week. (I think there is something in Canon Law against this.)
Fridays - Stations of the Cross.
In all of this, along with daily mass, Prayer of the Church and meditation, where is there room for the development of an individual prayer life or spirituality? It is like running a take-away 'institutional prayer life' service for boys.

Fr Wanlope seemed a lovely man but I would love to discuss the formation programme with him and the whole Thai philosophy of targeting young boys for formation when they should be at home with their families, being boys. I am willing to admit that I do not have all the answers and that I could be wrong but I would still love to discuss this with a Fr Wanlope.

The Movie
I went to see the last in the Thai film trilogy on the young Prince Naresuan. He was to become the great King Naresuan of Thai history. This character lived in the latter half of the 16th century at a time when the Siamese of the Kingdom of Ayuthaya were under the Burmese and struggling for their independence. Under Naresuan, the master tactician and warrior and leader, the Kingdom of Ayuthaya did gain its independence at a great cost and after many wars against seemingly mightier foes - the Burmese and their allies.

After yet another bloody and mighty battle at the end of the movie, independence seemed finally won for the Kingdom. At its end, Prince Naresuan had the closing line and it went like this - We now have our independence at great cost. Now we will have to fight to keep it.

One of Naresuan's successful strategies in managing campaigns against the enemy was to use the "small defeats big" strategy. Basically, he used well thought out tactics to outsmart a much larger enemy. I am sure there is a lesson for life in that.

What I observed in the movie was how from the Thai side they downed the Burmese making them look incompetent and foolish, and even stupid at times. An example was when a captured Brmese leader was tortured by putting red ants down his pants. When this happened the whole audience laughed. Do I need to say more?

We do tend to retell history from our own side. While Naresuan is truly one of the great Kings of the Thais and he did achieve so much, history can still be skewed to serve one's own purposes.

Well that was my day of Thai culture.

A lot happened in a short time

Well, today I received my usual call from my mate, John Larsen, the Kiwi Marist priest in Ranong. He was on about a negative experience he had over the last couple of days with the Thai Church. My line was - That is why they need us here so that they can see another way of being Church.

Then in less than an hour after this call, I had three short experiences which were like responses to John's own dilemma.

Firstly, I spoke with Patrick, my Irish co-worker, about the Thai priests John found so unwelcoming. Patrick said that he experienced one of these same priests as being very shy while being also very kind. It struck me how true. Many Thais don't like to speak English in public as they don't want to make mistakes and appear as being stupid. That is just the way they are. I speak Thai and get laughed at. That is part of learning a language. For Thais, such a way is not the way to go as they don't want to appear silly before others. Yet how else can you learn a language?

Then my friend, Br Anurak, rang me. During the conversation, he mentioned that his Brothers were building a new campus for their Assumption College. The cost he quoted was just staggering. This is a poor Church that needs outside help to do its work!!??? Well this is part of its reality - big business using big money.

Lastly, I went to make a cup of coffee in the office. There were already three at the kitchen doing the same thing, along with the housekeeper. So it was crowded. This meant I got my cup and moved out of the way to the side bench. While putting the coffee powder into my cup, I spilt some on the bench. I go then to put hot water into my cup. While at the hot water pot, the housekeeper is already at the bench cleaning up my mess, telling all the others there in Thai about the mess I made. While I understood what she was saying, she acted as if I wasn't there or didn't understand her. Well, I spoke in Thai saying that I knew there was a mess and I would clean it up but she acted too quickly. My reflection on this simple happening was a "How dare she!!". She ignored me and spoke about me to the others, berating my mess. I find that sort of behaviour to be both arrogant and ignorant. I also reflected that, if I was a Thai priest, she would never have dared to act the way she did.

These are three simple events. They happened one after the other within such a short time. For me, they gave a powerful lived response to John Larsen and his own voiced concerns.

Firstly, all is not what it seems. Thais are shy and don't want to be placed in embarrassing situations - there again, who does? - involved in speaking another language. So they won't speak English with us and then appear reticent and maybe even unfriendly when this is not what is really at play.

Secondly, there is money in this Church. It is not a poor Church while sections of it are. I guess the issue is the inequitable distribution of wealth in the Thai Church, just like in society. Our role here in this Church is not to address financial poverty but ecclesological poverty due to the Thai Church being a young and inexperienced Church, restricted by its own limited history as Church.

Thirdly, there is an arrogance present here that is played against us.

It is all part of the big mix that makes up life in a Thailand. The mix is much bigger than what I experience in any one day - it is made up of the good,the bad and the ugly. That is life. That is the reality anywhere and it all makes up the mix that makes for an exciting life in Bangkok, a life which stretches your imagination; a life where you never stop learning.

What is the underlying lesson of all this is that we are not ruled in our life by our immediate life experiences. Life experience does speak to us and does affect us but it cannot simply rule us. We need to keep our focus, keeping our eye on the bigger picture. Why is it that we are anywhere - because of those good or bad experiences we have in life or because of our commitment to the bigger picture, to life, to the Gospel, because we keep our eye on what really matters to us?

A Prison Visit

On Monday, I was one of a number who accompanied the Apostolic Nuncio, Archbishop Giovanni d'Aniello, on his visit to Tham Hin refugee camp in Ratchaburi Province. It is one of nine refugee camps in Thailand and is home to over 9,500 mostly Burmese Karen refugees.

Today was the regular visit of our pastoral group to the prison for mass and a chat. All the prisoners we visit are foreign nationals who are there for drug trafficking. Like the Burmese refugees, they stay put for a long time in a restricted area and lifestyle but both groups are where they are for different reasons.

This is my week and I see a connection between what may be seen as two totally different events. The connection is the theme for each visit - solidarity.

Solidarity is a central human motif. It helps make us who we are as human beings. To live in solidarity gives expression to our shared human reality. It does not just make our load lighter. More than that it makes us more human and builds up our sense of dignity and integrity. it shows that we appreciate how much we have to share and learn from each other.

To deny solidarity serves to dehumanise us. It turns us into selfish, greedy individuals and stops us from achieving our greatness in life.

Our greatness is not just in who we are as individuals but in who we are together. In the words of the Nuncio at the camp - "We are for the other to show how our God is able to love."

March 23

Who is St Turibio?

He died in 1606, after having been the Archbishop of Lima in Peru from 1581. He was a Spaniard and a lawyer who was sent to Lima to be its Archbishop. It was a post that needed a strong and faithfilled character. Turibio was identified as such a person for the job.

So he went to Peru and faced the challenges of renewing a harsh colonial society and a corrupt clergy. As he undertook the reform of his clergy, he faced an argument that simply stated that this is the way it is here. To this, his reply was:
"Christ said, 'I am the truth'; he did not say, 'I am the custom.'"

How apt for here and today, when I hear so often the line like that of a Khun B, from my last entry, who so easily explains away an issue by saying -
"That is their culture and we have to accept that."

Arrogance

Today, I was on bus 504 to Sutthisarn where I go for the Bangkok Refugee Centre. Buses here have bus conductors who take the fares. So I tell the conductor "Sutthisarn". She did not say one word but signalled that she did not understand. So I said "Sutthisarn" again and she just gave me such an arrogant look. That is another side of the gentle, loving Thai. There is an arrogant side to them that can be seen sometimes. Today I experienced from this conductor one of the most arrogant looks I have ever experienced.

What is it about Thais that makes arrogance part of their mix? One theory is that it is their pride that their country was never colonised. Maybe that is the reason. Still they did pay a price for not being colonised and that is also part of their history but generally unrecognised by Thais. That enters into another part of Thai reality - their ignorance regarding their history or how their history is coloured in its presentation to them.

Maybe there is another way to approach this. Maybe it is not arrogance but part of the meeting between such different cultures that leads to a misunderstanding or a failure to really meet.

Having said this, I hold that the culture card is played too often and too strongly here. Everything and anything can be explained away here by simply saying - 'that is Thai culture' or 'we are Thai people'.

The most recent example of this just flabbergasted me. A is an American I know here who was married to a Thai woman for 15 years. They have a son. Two years ago, she just left them. It was a shock as it just happened without any explanation. A came into my radar again recently as he is quite sick.

I was talking with B, another American friend, about A's situation. B told me that I had to understand why A's wife would have left him and their son. She would have found another western male who could provide even more prosperously for her family in Isan. This is her duty within her family. As B said, that is their culture and we have to accept that.

Yes, B, that is their culture but just because it is their or anyone's culture it does not make it right or good. In this case, it is not a good part of their culture. You don't just fulfill your duty to find ways of financial support for your family at any cost and the expense of anyone or everyone who matter in your life. Any culture has good and bad aspects. Any culture deserves to be more informed and to be open for change for the better. It may not be easy to face a challenge to who we are but we don't just explain bad things away by saying that it is their culture. What is called for is a challenge to the culture where it is weak or acts against the good of others and against good, human values. Here is where other cultures can act to enrich the local culture. Here is a case where we just do not accept but see that we as Christians in the midst of Thai culture have something to add and we act to do that in the right and appropriate way. A great challenge in faith.

How did I get onto this? Through a simple arrogant look from a bus conductor at the beginning of my day in Bangkok.

It's about time

I seem to approach this blog with spurts. I work on it and then leave it for awhile and then I get back to it. Each time I get back to it, it seems to be because I am inspired to do so at the request of some named reader of my blog. I usually get back to it because of my niece, Carmel. This time it is because my firend, Simon, asked me yesterday and once again I feel inspired. So here goes.

Why have I not been regular on this blog? Lack of discipline? Too busy? I suspect the key is in how I describe my life as it has become since the end of last year. My life has become intense. I hate the word 'busy' as everyone says they are busy and I believe that then becomes the reason for doing so much in life that is important. I am too busy and that is why I forgot or that is why I did not ring you or that is why I can't help you ... so the list goes on. Being busy becomes like the excuse as we are all busy.

What do I mean by intense? At Caritas Thailand, I work on issues and processes that I find taxing. Being me, I am one to question life and its deeper issues. In helping urban refugees, I find work that is fulfilling but also tiring as the needs just seem so real and so never ending. So life is intense and I do get tired at the end of the day.

Then there is the whole challenge of life in a big, Asian city in the tropics. There are the contiual challenges of facing such a different culture and such a different language. It keeps you alive but challenging nonetheless.

Recently, some of the younger Thais at work asked me why I don't smile so much. I said that it is not my way. I do smile but not all the time. I explained where I come from and how a smile can be perceived. Here it is important to smile all the time. I was at the hospital yesterday and the Thai nurse who looked after me told me how she has to smile all day.

On being asked the question, I happily responded as best I could. I explained how a smile is read in so many diferent ways in my culture and that it is not always seen as appropriate or good, as it is here. If I smile back home while being serious, the other will question how serious I am. When a boy, my mother could tell if I was lying by if I was smiling. When at school, while getting in trouble, if I was smiling, the teacher would exclaim - Wipe that smile off your face, son! So a simple smile for me is not the way to go all the time as it can speak of other things in life and it can come to be quite shallow with so little meaning. Such is my way.

This speaks of another basic difference in our ways. This led to ones at work telling me that they did not always understand me because I do not always smile and sometimes I seem angry. I hoped that my explanation helped understanding.

The other interesting part of ths expose is that Thais read my being serious as being angry. I tell them this is not so. They see being serious as being angry and seem to witdraw in face of perceiving such a form of expression.

All this leads me to wonder about the basic questions of life yet again. It is fitting to do so as tomorrow is the First Sunday of Lent and the Gospel from Matthew presents Jesus' temptations in the desert. My take is that this gospel is facing us with the big question - What does it mean to be human?

This is the first big question for Lent. Lent has its roots in the early Church's using it as a time of communal preparation for baptising new members into the community of faith. These new members were adults, making an adult decision. As a period of preparation for these catechumens (as they were called), Lent was like an intensive course in the faith, leading to these adults making their purposeful decision for baptism and to the community's purposeful celebration of baptism. This was a serious time.

So the Gospels for the Sundays of Lent present the basic teachings of the Church for this course. Our lenten course begins this Sunday with lesson 1 - What does it mean to be human?

As I approach this question, I see that we are placed within the midst of a great force that pulls at us. We know our reality where we know our suffering, our weaknesses and our vulnerability. Yes, we have the success stories but we are continually reminded of the other side of who we are. Then the Church is so good at presenting the ideal which can serve to make us feel guilty or bad because we should be ... OR we should have ... I am sure I don't have to give the list. My suspicion is that our view of our humanity can be quite negative as that is the reality we so often experience - fighting, wars, disaster, fear, failure. Martin Luther named this pull in life as the paradigm of life. There are two sides to life for all of us. I guess we don't want to be overcome by the negative while being able to view the positive in a healthy way so that we are able to continually face the challenges of life, believing in who we are and becoming the people we are called to be.

A good friend of mine - a priest in Sydney -would simply say:
"When you face trouble, just sit with the chaos and see where it leads you. It will take you to where you need to be."

I don't want to go overboard. So this is enough for now. Otherwise I will lose my readers instead of gain them. From here, I must be more consistent. In a simple way, I am vocing my own paradigm in life. I want to and do but so often don't. Is that being human or using our humanity as an excuse for not doing?

2011

Yes, it is the Year of the Rabbit. I know very little about rabbits. There is Bugs Bunny who is presented as fast moving, quick thinking and always on top of things. Then, as an Australian, I think of our experience of rabbits which were introduced from England. In the UK, they may be cute but, in Australia, they are unwanted pests as they eat all the vegetation. I guess that points to the two sides of any reality - the good and the bad, the dark and the light.

I know that in my own life. It is not only others who are bizarre and dysfunctional but also myself. There again, like others, I have my good side. No one is perfect; life is not perfect.

It makes me think of a line I heard on listening recently to a woman talk about the experience of having been trapped within an abusive relationship with a 'so called' boyfriend. She kept asking the same question - How could I? I think that is a question we all could ask about ourselves as we reflect on our total life experience. I think that is a basic shared question for humanity as we look at our world - How could we?

It made me think that the challenge is to transform this basic question of life into a statement on life - Look how far we have come! That is the challenge as we look back at life - not to bemoan how could we but to celebrate in how far we have come.

I often take a critical look at Thailand and Thais, and sometimes I wonder. Then yesterday, I had an experience of venting huge verbal anger on seeing myself as once again being at the receiving end of an arrogant and angry comment. Very seldom do I get angry. Yesterday was one of those few times. It was frightening for me as I just felt trapped by anger. The experience put me in touch once again with my own share of dysfunctional and bizarre behaiour. See, I thought, it is not just others, it is me too.

Maybe I needed this experience to push me that extra needed step as I then moved on from there to the milieu of a Thai family picnic. I saw the whole Thai scene so differently - not as separate or different or exclusive. Rather I experienced their acceptance and understanding of me. They had just happily let me be in my anger. They had handled me so well. I saw how it was just so enjoyable to be with them and enjoy them. I saw firsthand how Thais are just so much at home with their family. It is here they seem to thrive. How wondeful! I hope this stays.

The point is that, through experiencing my own dark side, I was put more in touch with others around me. We have so much more that binds us together than what divides us. Living here, one may often focus on the cultural divdes but the more important reality is our shared reality. Beyond being Thai or Burmese or Cambodian or Lao or farang, we are all human and that is what matters.

Happy Year of the Rabbit!