Back to my Bangkok

I had a great time in Australia but it is now back to my Bangkok.  It is a sometimes bizarre existence, a sometimes demanding daily schedule, a sometimes mind-blowing experience of humanity but it is my Bangkok, a place I call home.

As I discover from my recent travels, I have two homes and I have to say that the two are very different but still the two are home.

The picture shows my surrounds as I leave my apartment for work at 6am.  It looks pretty and peaceful but I have always saw myself as living in the midst of a massive conurbation with lots of traffic and people.  Yet I can see that it is much more.  It does have its own beauty and it does have its own sense of peacefulness.  Looks can be deceiving, they say.  Still maybe I judge my Bangkok too harshly at times.  It is what it has been made - messy and chaotic but with its own particular beauty.  Maybe that reflects life and our humanity.

Welcome back to my Bangkok!

I am back in Bangkok and share here my favourite photo of my time back home.  Why do I like it? 

The photo is of my grand niece's netball side during half-time of a game that I watched with my sister and nieces.  I enjoyed watching it and being with my family.  I also just enjoyed being out under blue skies in the cool of a late afternoon.  It was a simple experience but an enjoyable one that captures part of my Australia, a friendly and strong Australia. 

In Bangkok, you so rarely get such a blue sky and outdoor life is not easily enjoyed with all the traffic, roads and big buildings surrounding you.  In Australia, we can take for granted so much that is good about what we enjoy. 

As I went home to Australia, another member of my family moved to this part of the world, coming to Cambodia to volunteer teaching poor children in a rural area.  A powerful experience, Ican see from her Facebook sharings.  My hat goes off to her for doing what she needs to do in life to be true to herself and her choices for a better world. 

On my return to Bangkok, I read her second week sharing to family and friends about her time there.  It was poignant, describing the poverty, the situation and the children coming to the school where she is working.  Cambodia has much to recover from following the ruthless genocide that occurred under the Khmer Rouge.  That is true.  But I wonder how it will ever recover while the country continues to have such a corrupt government and while the people remain what I would name as unable to act against such a government for themselves?   

For me, the latter is a key to understanding the ongoing poverty in a country despite enjoying the many outsiders, NGOs, Church mission agencies and other governments that have come to its aid for the past nearly 40 years.  Reality is if the people do not act for themselves, they will always depend on what outsiders can do for them and not move on as they best could.  The outsiders are good people, doing so much good and this is not to be denied.  My relative in Cambodia would share this hope of autonomy for its people that she now serves as she is both good and smart. 

A key to any country's development is their people taking their own responsibility for themselves and moving on along a forward path they choose.  Good education empowers people for such a path in life but this is not the only ingredient needed in a Cambodia.  As well, the people have to move beyond a given culture, a given way of religion, a given political narrative that seemingly act together to keep them yes, good natured, but also far too docile and so undertrodden to the benefit of those few greedy ones who hold the power. You do not want people to lose their good nature but neither do you want them remaining passive agents being walked upon by corrupt holders of power in their country. 

I have two homes - Thailand and Australia.  Each has its narrative.  Each has its own strengths and points of wonder and beauty.  I learn from both.  What I learn helps me see Cambodia as I see it and understand it.  I speak as an outsider on this one but as an outsider with a local insight that I offer here in good faith.  God bless Australia, Thailand and Cambodia. 

We are Strange People.

As you know form my last entry, I dreaded leaving Bangkok and my home.  Well, now I am here in Australia, I want to stay longer.  We are strange beings.

A good friend rightly shared a good insight into my human dilemma.  Basically, she said to look at the positive side and not the negative.  You are not saying Goodbye to friends and dear ones but saying Hello to ones back home who are so much a part of your life as well.  And you know what?  The time away which is the time with family and friends back home is short - two weeks.

Well, I come to Sydney and what faces me from the very beginning is how friendly people are in Australia.  From my very arrival, I am reminded that this truly is also my home.  My first day experiences here of the friendliness of people confirmed me in this - whether people talking on the bus going into town, the woman selling me the travel card, my good friend who looked after me on arriving and her family or all the people associated with the community where I am staying.  People are people and people everywhere are friendly but what I see here is that people are just so directly and naturally friendly.  It is nearly disarming and just makes you feel right at home. 

Then this caption came my way on Facebook from my nephew.  What a great saying.  How true! 

I guess I have two homes.  Aren't I lucky?  We are a strange people in how we can be held back in approaching life and its possibilities by unfounded fears or protecting ourselves from unknown threats or hurts.  Or we can ???  

Saying Goodbye

On Sunday, I go to Australia for just under two weeks.  I am going home to get my new visa for Thailand and as it turns out there are a number of other good reasons arising for going at this time.  All augurs well or so I think. 

As I approach going away even for just such a short time, I find myself  feeling so unsettled inside.  I know my patterns and it is what I feel each time I go away.  I name it as I hate to say "Goodbye!".  It is a life theme that stays with me.  I just do not handle goodbyes so well.  Yet they are a natural part of life.  We say "Goodbye!" all the time and, one day, we all have to say "Goodbye!" one way or another, whether we like it or not.

So what is it about this word, this naturally arising theme in my life routine?  My pattern is that for a week before leaving, I feel unsettled, sad inside.  This feeling of sadness wells up until the moment comes to leave and then I just face it and go and get on with it.  I am off.  What is this about?

It is about saying goodbye to people who matter in my life - friends, family, colleagues, people in my pastoral care.  The little goodbyes put me in touch with the big goodbyes that happen in all our lives at one time or another.  It is the big goodbyes that are difficult.  The little goodbyes remind me of this and of what lies ahead at sometime in life. 

This may seem stupid or childish.  You may simply say - Grow up! I can agree with that challenge but still I know how I feel and I feel sad and unsettled as I prepare to leave.  That is how it is for me.  Maybe it is not the actual "Goodbye!" but more about being put in touch with how fragile and vulnerable we are under our tough exterior. 

Today at mass, the lines of King David as he approaches his impending death ring home for me so strongly.  He said:
"I am going the way of all flesh. Take courage and be a man.  Keep the mandate of the Lord, your God, that you may succeed in whatever you do, wherever you turn, and the Lord may fulfill the promise he made."