Why I am here

Well, I have returned to Bangkok. Being here matters so much to me because I have found a place where I can live my values and ideals as best I can in life. Values and ideals matter to me. That was how I was raised. I have seen my father as a man of values and ideals. Later in life, as he made decisions for mum and him that I saw as being bad decisions, I questioned what happened to this man of values and ideals. I was becoming the disillusioned son or maybe I was being the judgemental son. Then I have just been home and saw mum and dad. It was a important time for me as it allowed me to see my parents as they are. They are now in a different space from where they were 20 months ago when I last saw them. They are frail, forgetful, living in and out of reality and facing life with very few options. They have few enjoyments and hardly ever go anywhere other than out into the front yard. If I make sense of what I experienced with them which was good and so worthwhile but also sad and intense, it is that they are now poor before God and more ready than ever to be with him in the resurrection. I realised that I have to change my mindset in how I approach my parents. They have moved beyond their life of two or five years ago. They have to let go and do in their way, making hard decisions about their life. I also have to let go and see them where they now are, no matter how hard that may be. The whole experience made me realise yet again that, while values and ideals are so important, we all live in a harsh reality wherein we have to make decisions and do the best we can. That is part of the human struggle. I have yo move beyond judging my father by the benchmark of values and ideals. They are not lost and never were, I see that now. He has just had to deal with what is before him and mum, and I see how that is just not easy. It is tough and there are no solutions or ready answers. So, Murray, yes, be true to who you are, be true to your values and ideals, but never become harsh and judgemental of others, especially your family. Allow them to be human and live their life as best they can within the reality that is theirs. Isn't that what I do in my life? We must keep our values and ideals but we must never lose sight of our mortality, our fragility and vulnerability and who we are in our total reality. The bottom line is that we are good people doing the best we can with what we've got. What more can we do?