Boundaries

Back home, there used to be a lot of talk about personal boundaries.  As I was growing up, it seemed to be a life issue that was assumed but never named.  Then later on in my life, it became a central topic in professional circles in the 1990s, or that is my take.  In my Bangkok, I don't see any such talk among the same sort of circles.  Maybe it is more subtle here or maybe it is just not talked about in a society that is highly controlled and structured within a strongly hierarchical model. 

Anyway, I have had some dealings lately with local farangs ('farang' is the local name for westerners) which have led to my getting upset a couple of times with ones during an encounter or on hearing a statement.  I have been wondering what is going on.  Am I overworked and stressed?  Am I tired?  Am I too precious? 

No.  I have come to name it as over the past 20 years I have become aware of my boundaries, have named them, have come to respect them and have tried to healthily defend them.  Here I am often dealing with guys who lack any sense of personal boundaries.  So they cross the line without even being aware while I naturally respond by putting up my defences to protect my boundaries, or this is my sense of what is happening. 

Personal boundaries are so obviously and openly broken here so often.  Last night, I get into the lift in my apartment building and share the ride to my floor with a guy I have never met before.  Within the short travel time of only going four floors, he tells me that he is living here alone on business and how he just loves being near the bars with those girls.  He speaks knowingly and with a glint in his eye as if I agree with him.  Fact is he doesn't even know who I am.   That he felt so free to divulge such information with me, a complete stranger, just amazes me.  In this case, my expressed response was amazement and quiet, and not upset.  This  was probably my respecting my own boundaries as I was with a complete stranger.  I notice my pattern is that I verbally express my personal upset when in a relationship and with ones I know.  

Yes, I would say my neighbour's boundaries appear to be incredibly loose.  That makes me then ask how he values his own self which will accordingly have an impact on how he values and accordingly treats others. 

This brings me back to where I started.  A lack of boundaries leads to dangerous interpersonal activities and interactions which can have unwanted or disastrous consequences. We can't just treat ourselves or others as if nothing matters.  When something matters, we build firm foundations to give long life and boundaries to protect what matters.  When people matter, we show dignity and respect - even in the bearpits of a Bangkok.  But first we need to show that to ourselves.  As the old addage says, "We treat others as we treat ourselves".