Show me the way

One site visit on our Holy Land pilgrimage was to a monastery in the desert.  It was literally in the middle of nowhere.  Getting there involved a steep climb.  An option was to avail of a donkey ride service.  One of the women who went by donkey told us afterwards that it was not at all an easy or comfortable way to get to and from the monastery.  That told me that the way seen as being obviously easier was not.  It was better to walk which is what I did. 

During my week, I was witness to a home accident when visiting my good Thai friend.  He was starting to cook dinner and realised that the gas supply was depleted.   So he rang for the gas man to bring a full gas cylinder which he did and installed.  Cooking then began yet again but five minutes later - BOOM!  There was a gas explosion and my firend and his nephew, both in the kitchen, were blown away and burnt around their legs.  They were obviously in distress and shocked, needing medical attention for their burns. 

I proceeded to clean up the kitchen while they attended to themselves.  I advised that they should get the gas man back.  So the gas man was rung but he did not show and did not answer his phone again after receiving the first call about the explosion.  We waited no longer and went off to the hospital.  My take was that the man had been careless in his work and the result was an explosion.

My voiced campaign with my friend became one of seeing that the gas man righted his mistake and take some responsibility for what happened.  My advice came with my offer of buying an electric hot plate so that they would never have to use gas or that careless man again.  I could sense that my advice and offer were being ignored.  For me, it was about righting a wrong and fixing a situation.  So I was not sure what my friend was thinking.   

I am back at my friend's the next night to see how he and the nephew are.  They are sore and sorry, with minor burns and pain but okay. On sensing where my friend stood on approaching this situation, namely not in the way I would choose, I figured that my chosen approach that night would be to sit back, watch and listen.  Keep my mouth shut for a change was my decision.  After all, it is his home and he has to live there, not me.  So I just observed and saw what happened.

The gas man is rung again.  He came and fixed the problem and was to be paid for the repair.  The guy offered no compensation, no free work nor any expression of his responsibility in this whole affair.  My take remained that he did not install the cylinder properly or it was a faulty cylinder that he installed.  Either way he shared the blame and should be responsible for righting a wrong caused by his work.  This was not the take of my friend, a Thai and Buddhist.  His summation was that his buddha - me - was there to look after him and that the gas man was not to be held accountable in any way.  His approach was to get the man in to fix the problem, pay him and continue using him and gas as if nothing ever happened. 

I quietly took it all in and realised that I had here a key learning that gave me a keen insight into Thais.  Simply put, I was about righting a perceived wrong, based on my innate, western sense of justice.  My friend did not share this same western sense of justice but saw what happened as fate and so just kept going in the same direction, expecting nothing from the gas man.  This resulted in nothing changing. 

The big difference in facing this situation between the two of us was that I looked for a just result which meant challenging the person responsible and looking for change that would assure this not happen again.  My friend rather saw how his buddha looked after him, acted to get the gas cylinder fixed so that he could keep cooking with it and then planned to go back home to make merit at their temple. 

I am not saying that one way is wrong and the other right nor that one way is better than the other.  I am simply noting the difference in approaches between an eastern Buddhist and a western Christian.  This for me has been a huge learning experience.  It shows me how we each have our own ways and how I need to stand back and respect the way of another, not trying to fix their situation but letting them act in their way on it.  One reason is that my acting independently on what I hold to be right just would not work as my Thai friend would just ignore whatever I have to offer, no matter how much sense it makes to me.   

My insight on this occasion may be deep.  I am seeing that justice is a western notion that leads to action and change.  The eastern Buddhist way does not apply the western notion of justice which leads to a lack of action for change and things just keep going the same way, no matter how dysfunctional.  Nothing changes.  I must say that I could be wrong and I do not want to appear as being a superior westerner but I have had this insight which excites me and feel the need to record and share.  So I do. 

Basically, as I reflect on this happening, the obvious way for one is not so for another.  I do wonder why my offer of a hot plate was not accepted as it seemed a reasonable and safe option.  Still the donkey looked the easy option on the day but it wasn't.