Saying Goodbye

On Sunday, I go to Australia for just under two weeks.  I am going home to get my new visa for Thailand and as it turns out there are a number of other good reasons arising for going at this time.  All augurs well or so I think. 

As I approach going away even for just such a short time, I find myself  feeling so unsettled inside.  I know my patterns and it is what I feel each time I go away.  I name it as I hate to say "Goodbye!".  It is a life theme that stays with me.  I just do not handle goodbyes so well.  Yet they are a natural part of life.  We say "Goodbye!" all the time and, one day, we all have to say "Goodbye!" one way or another, whether we like it or not.

So what is it about this word, this naturally arising theme in my life routine?  My pattern is that for a week before leaving, I feel unsettled, sad inside.  This feeling of sadness wells up until the moment comes to leave and then I just face it and go and get on with it.  I am off.  What is this about?

It is about saying goodbye to people who matter in my life - friends, family, colleagues, people in my pastoral care.  The little goodbyes put me in touch with the big goodbyes that happen in all our lives at one time or another.  It is the big goodbyes that are difficult.  The little goodbyes remind me of this and of what lies ahead at sometime in life. 

This may seem stupid or childish.  You may simply say - Grow up! I can agree with that challenge but still I know how I feel and I feel sad and unsettled as I prepare to leave.  That is how it is for me.  Maybe it is not the actual "Goodbye!" but more about being put in touch with how fragile and vulnerable we are under our tough exterior. 

Today at mass, the lines of King David as he approaches his impending death ring home for me so strongly.  He said:
"I am going the way of all flesh. Take courage and be a man.  Keep the mandate of the Lord, your God, that you may succeed in whatever you do, wherever you turn, and the Lord may fulfill the promise he made."