It's about time

I seem to approach this blog with spurts. I work on it and then leave it for awhile and then I get back to it. Each time I get back to it, it seems to be because I am inspired to do so at the request of some named reader of my blog. I usually get back to it because of my niece, Carmel. This time it is because my firend, Simon, asked me yesterday and once again I feel inspired. So here goes.

Why have I not been regular on this blog? Lack of discipline? Too busy? I suspect the key is in how I describe my life as it has become since the end of last year. My life has become intense. I hate the word 'busy' as everyone says they are busy and I believe that then becomes the reason for doing so much in life that is important. I am too busy and that is why I forgot or that is why I did not ring you or that is why I can't help you ... so the list goes on. Being busy becomes like the excuse as we are all busy.

What do I mean by intense? At Caritas Thailand, I work on issues and processes that I find taxing. Being me, I am one to question life and its deeper issues. In helping urban refugees, I find work that is fulfilling but also tiring as the needs just seem so real and so never ending. So life is intense and I do get tired at the end of the day.

Then there is the whole challenge of life in a big, Asian city in the tropics. There are the contiual challenges of facing such a different culture and such a different language. It keeps you alive but challenging nonetheless.

Recently, some of the younger Thais at work asked me why I don't smile so much. I said that it is not my way. I do smile but not all the time. I explained where I come from and how a smile can be perceived. Here it is important to smile all the time. I was at the hospital yesterday and the Thai nurse who looked after me told me how she has to smile all day.

On being asked the question, I happily responded as best I could. I explained how a smile is read in so many diferent ways in my culture and that it is not always seen as appropriate or good, as it is here. If I smile back home while being serious, the other will question how serious I am. When a boy, my mother could tell if I was lying by if I was smiling. When at school, while getting in trouble, if I was smiling, the teacher would exclaim - Wipe that smile off your face, son! So a simple smile for me is not the way to go all the time as it can speak of other things in life and it can come to be quite shallow with so little meaning. Such is my way.

This speaks of another basic difference in our ways. This led to ones at work telling me that they did not always understand me because I do not always smile and sometimes I seem angry. I hoped that my explanation helped understanding.

The other interesting part of ths expose is that Thais read my being serious as being angry. I tell them this is not so. They see being serious as being angry and seem to witdraw in face of perceiving such a form of expression.

All this leads me to wonder about the basic questions of life yet again. It is fitting to do so as tomorrow is the First Sunday of Lent and the Gospel from Matthew presents Jesus' temptations in the desert. My take is that this gospel is facing us with the big question - What does it mean to be human?

This is the first big question for Lent. Lent has its roots in the early Church's using it as a time of communal preparation for baptising new members into the community of faith. These new members were adults, making an adult decision. As a period of preparation for these catechumens (as they were called), Lent was like an intensive course in the faith, leading to these adults making their purposeful decision for baptism and to the community's purposeful celebration of baptism. This was a serious time.

So the Gospels for the Sundays of Lent present the basic teachings of the Church for this course. Our lenten course begins this Sunday with lesson 1 - What does it mean to be human?

As I approach this question, I see that we are placed within the midst of a great force that pulls at us. We know our reality where we know our suffering, our weaknesses and our vulnerability. Yes, we have the success stories but we are continually reminded of the other side of who we are. Then the Church is so good at presenting the ideal which can serve to make us feel guilty or bad because we should be ... OR we should have ... I am sure I don't have to give the list. My suspicion is that our view of our humanity can be quite negative as that is the reality we so often experience - fighting, wars, disaster, fear, failure. Martin Luther named this pull in life as the paradigm of life. There are two sides to life for all of us. I guess we don't want to be overcome by the negative while being able to view the positive in a healthy way so that we are able to continually face the challenges of life, believing in who we are and becoming the people we are called to be.

A good friend of mine - a priest in Sydney -would simply say:
"When you face trouble, just sit with the chaos and see where it leads you. It will take you to where you need to be."

I don't want to go overboard. So this is enough for now. Otherwise I will lose my readers instead of gain them. From here, I must be more consistent. In a simple way, I am vocing my own paradigm in life. I want to and do but so often don't. Is that being human or using our humanity as an excuse for not doing?