Well, Stella, my friend is back home in Australia. She did get her clothes as she wished. Then, on Friday, she told me during a phone conversation that the cost of the clothes was far too high and on that basis wouldn't recommend the chosen tailor again. As I heard her talk, I just kept quiet and took in what was being said.
Looking back, I could see a basic difference between our two approaches. Stella focused on the financial side, becoming critical of the tailor. I focused on the relationship side, not saying anything of much worth and only reflecting to myself how the tailor was so good to her. Interestingly, both approaches would lead to the same outcome, being that if the tailor was too expensive, then you would try somewhere else. The difference is in the approach. Maybe this speaks more of who we are as individuals but it does draw my attention as I wonder if my time here is changing me in how I approach issues.
In looking at this, I would not say that one approach is better than the other but that each is different and each has its strengths. No one person or culture has all wisdom. There is strength in each. There is time for action, there is time for reflection, but act wisely and with compassion at all times.
Maybe I can illustrate this by another story of last week. My manager at the Bangkok Refugee Center, when discussing issues of change with me last week, finished our discussion with this line - Buddha says that change is constant. To which I replied that we hold to that same truism back home. She shared this with the underlining Buddhist approach of just passively accepting change. I retorted that you can just react to change and have change happen to you or you can plan for it and act on it. The western Christian way is to be pro-active and actively wortk for change for the better. Interestingly again, Buddha also stresses the value of compassion.
Once again, we see two different approaches at play. This time I hold to my western, Christian way as I see the great value in following it. The gospels call us to be builders of the Kingdom. How can we be that if we just sit back and wait for whatever change may occur?
Maybe I am not becoming eastern. Maybe being here makes me more reflective and more willing to stand back before acting. I say this because in both cases what drives me is compassion. With Stella's fair issue, it is compassion for the tailor whom I saw as doing her best, even if she did overcharge. With the manager's observation from Buddha's teaching on change, it is compassion for the refugees being adversely affected by planned changes. In both cases, I feel for these people and judge that the way to go is to be pro-active but in a compassionate way for a better outcome.
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