I didn't get angry.

In a food court on Tuesday, I am waiting and waiting to order my pad thai for dinner.  Then up comes someone to the counter, speaks out and is given immediate attention.  Having waited patiently for sometime for service, I automatically start saying in Thai what I want as I am not going to let someone else just push in like this.  The woman serving ignores me.  So I make my statement to her that this is not good.  After all, one of my central motifs in life is that life must be fair and just, even if it mostly isn't.  So why wouldn't I speak out? 

Having made my stance, I go to move away when my friend, Om, comes over appearing angry.  He is asking me - Why did you just get angry? 
I respond - I didn't get angry.  I just spoke strongly because she ignored me and wouldn't serve me.  Where I come from that is rude. 

In Thailand, no one is ever supposed to get angry.  It is to be all smiles and politeness all the time but life is much more.  For me, this approach doesn't work as it doesn't deal with life when it is not fair and just.  This means nothing uncomfortable or unfair is ever dealt with and so nothing changes, or at least that is how it appears.  This may be the dominant cultural approach to life here but people are people and issues not dealt with remain, causing pressures to build up. 

What happens in the land where you don't get angry is that when you speak out, you are identified as being angry and this is not good.  As a result, nothing deemed as possibly conflictual or confrontational is ever faced in a good and healthy way due to a lack of direct talking.  This just doesn't work as it leaves too much messiness, too much hurt behind in the failure to resolve life's bumpy moments.

Om later talks with the woman.  He tells me she is from Laos and doesn't understand my Thai.  Hearing this, I feel bad and go to apologize but she won't accept my apology for by now she is too angry.  Funny thing is that before when I was expressing my opinion earlier, she said nothing and just smiled.

In the land where people don't talk directly, they just don't deal with life's sticky patches.  In the process, any anger arising is repressed but only for so long and it can all end up going very badly.  And, of course, there is only one way to do it - the Thai way.  If you do it any other way, you are wrong.  It feels like a bind but, in the midst of it all, I didn't get angry.