All too much

Living in my Bangkok, I find myself presently overcome by too many issues.  Life entails the constant facing of questions, challenges and dilemmas but lately my experience of this side of reality has been just so intense that I find my cry inside naturally being - All too much!

There is the Thai election which raises the interminable questions about here and how unfair the system is for the people.  There is the continuing workplace dilemma of poor management and seamy power plays.  There are the stories of sexual abuse and corruption in the Church which hit me in the gut.  There are the Thai ways of manipulation and making demands so as to suit self centred interests which never fail to surprise me.  It all adds up and so it goes on.  But aren't these all out there?

I could agree.  I could say I wallow in the luxury of thinking too much.  I could say just let go and relax.  All good but that is not me or what is happening in my life.  I cannot deny my reality.  I have to ask then what is going on as nothing happens by accident.  Why this experience now?

Am I wallowing in self-pity?  If so, I do not plan it or wish to be.  I would rather just act on what's wrong and get over it.  Then a line from a good Irish friend in Cambodia comes from our recent sharing on sexual abuse in the Church.  I mentioned Congolese women I had met as refugees here who had suffered just terrible indignities in life back home.  Yet here they were working hard to make a new start in life and get on with it.

My Irish friend remarked how these are strong women, women she would gladly employ in her business. Her comment stays with me -
 Privileged people have more time to think and less a need for survival than these ladies.

This tells me that I am overcome by life when I am overcome by myself and my own needs and hurts.  In facing one of my challenges this week, I realized what it is - control.  When I try to be in control, try to control not being hurt or what I get, I become overwhelmed.  As I know so well, control does not work in life.  Better to trust in God and move patiently forward.