Boundaries Matter

On New Year's Day, I had a simple encounter with a neighbour that, on reflection, taught me so much. 

Outside my apartment building, there is a typical outside restaurant of my Bangkok, run by my friend, Nando. It is a natural place where local westerners meet and mix.  On my way home after mass that day, I stopped to wish one regular a Happy New Year.  Near her was another regular who sits there each day working on his computer.  Through humour, I tried to include him in our greetings.  My attempt backfired. I realized later what was at play - boundaries.  Personal boundaries matter.  

My humourous outreach had disturbed him and so broken his boundaries as he is there for work and not for light hearted interaction.  I had not respected his boundaries, even if  innocently and with a sense of humour.  Boundaries matter.    

I further realized that I have been confused for sometime by this situation in my little world as what are  the boundaries being set by this person?  The reason is that he wants to work and not be disturbed, which makes sense, while he has chosen to work in a public and social space, which is ours.  What boundaries is he setting?  How do I respond? 

My confusion is that I do not want to disturb him, while neither do I want to exclude or ignore him, within our common social space.  Despite any confusion, boundaries matter.  I must respect them.  By our encounter, I am now more sure of his boundaries.  He is there to work and so do not unnecessarily disturb him. 

Another lesson I learnt was also key. Listen more; talk less.