All too much

Living in my Bangkok, I find myself presently overcome by too many issues.  Life entails the constant facing of questions, challenges and dilemmas but lately my experience of this side of reality has been just so intense that I find my cry inside naturally being - All too much!

There is the Thai election which raises the interminable questions about here and how unfair the system is for the people.  There is the continuing workplace dilemma of poor management and seamy power plays.  There are the stories of sexual abuse and corruption in the Church which hit me in the gut.  There are the Thai ways of manipulation and making demands so as to suit self centred interests which never fail to surprise me.  It all adds up and so it goes on.  But aren't these all out there?

I could agree.  I could say I wallow in the luxury of thinking too much.  I could say just let go and relax.  All good but that is not me or what is happening in my life.  I cannot deny my reality.  I have to ask then what is going on as nothing happens by accident.  Why this experience now?

Am I wallowing in self-pity?  If so, I do not plan it or wish to be.  I would rather just act on what's wrong and get over it.  Then a line from a good Irish friend in Cambodia comes from our recent sharing on sexual abuse in the Church.  I mentioned Congolese women I had met as refugees here who had suffered just terrible indignities in life back home.  Yet here they were working hard to make a new start in life and get on with it.

My Irish friend remarked how these are strong women, women she would gladly employ in her business. Her comment stays with me -
 Privileged people have more time to think and less a need for survival than these ladies.

This tells me that I am overcome by life when I am overcome by myself and my own needs and hurts.  In facing one of my challenges this week, I realized what it is - control.  When I try to be in control, try to control not being hurt or what I get, I become overwhelmed.  As I know so well, control does not work in life.  Better to trust in God and move patiently forward. 

The pub with no beer

It was St Patrick's Day and so off to my local Irish pub I went only to discover it open but deserted.  It was eerie! This was the result of an alcohol ban imposed by the government on the country that day due to national elections.

In certain countries, and not just Thailand, that is what they do on election day - ban the sale of alcohol.  In other countries, like Ecuador, I believe this practice is to act against possible acts of violence.  In Thailand, it is named as being necessary to act against electoral fraud as it is judged that alcohol may be used to buy votes - "vote for me and I will buy you a drink".

This can be very true.  What I saw in Ecuador was that people would vote for the candidate who gave them a free t-shirt or baseball cap.  Such is democracy in parts of the world.  I guess it is apt to jump a step and say "such is humanity".  We are a fickle lot and our level of sophistication does not go very deep.  We are easily led, or maybe we have no choice but to follow, especially in environments where leadership is about control. 

It is fascinating and tragic to watch power go mad where those in authority are handed full control just because they are the ones in authority.  The result is chaos and abuse under the basic paradigm at play which can be summarised in a simple sentence. 
"The boss is handed and accorded full control on the basis that he knows everything and can do anything." 

This is a recipe for a train crash.  Be careful crossing the track. 

I'm back!

Where have I been?  Rome.  It was a short but such an invaluable sojourn.  Let me share a highlight.

For so long, I have wanted to visit the Basilica of St Clement near the Coliseum. I knew it as having catacombs but I was wrong as it is about something else much more profound, as I was to find out on finally visiting it when in Rome for yet another Caritas International meeting. 

This basilica is not about catacombs but about the very history of the Christian faith.  Yes, you enter a 12th century church but then you enter underneath to see two more layers.  First, you walk down into the excavated ruins of a previous basilica, but wait as there is more, as the ancient basilica is built upon a pagan Roman temple.  Wow!  Just too much for one short visit. 

In the 1st century, a pagan temple was built on this site which remained there until Christianity became the religion of the Roman Empire in the early 4th century.  At this time, the pagan temple was transformed into a Christian basilica dedicated to St Clement and so it stood until it fell into ruins some 800 years later and was covered over for the present day basilica to stand.

As I wandered around underneath in what was the old basilica and then around the ancient pagan temple, I could only imagine what happened here and what life was like.  Being there gave me a sense of awe, a sense of being part of something greater than myself.  It hit me how who we are today is formed by being built layer upon layer of history.  We are the sum of our parts. We are who we are because of what has gone before us.  The beauty of the Church has been not the ability to condemn and destroy what has gone before but to embrace and build upon what is so as to enrich our legacy and who we are.

I could see again how the Church is at its strongest when it is able to embrace the world that is, not when it condemns it. 

Going nowhere

I dedicate this post to Poe Reh in whom I confided on this issue and his advice was to write it up in my blog.  So here I am.  I went to him to share on my experience of helping urban refugees in Bangkok as he knows the life of camp refugees through being a Karenni from Myanmar.  My challenges are with a similar but different population - urban refugees, living in the community in Greater Bangkok.   

I have been helping these people for so long that I am hitting a new wall.  What is the wall?  It is dependency and much more.  I would say it is senseless dependency.  You help people, they become dependent on you and then the next step arrives, I discover.  It is blowing me apart as ones I have helped so long are getting angry with me because I am not helping them as they want.  Of course, this is not every urban refugee.  There are others you help who stand on their own feet and act for themselves.  In doing a simple comparison between the two samples of the population, I am seeing a pattern.

Simply put, it is that if you are a victim back home, you will remain a victim as a refugee in your host country.  If you are a success story back home, you will be a success story in your host country.  Being a victim is not determined then by your level of suffering - in this case by being a refugee - or any other difficulty or barrier, nor by location, but by who one is in life.  Wherever one is or whatever situation one finds oneself in, victim status appears as being the domain not of outside dilemmas and disasters but of who one is and their ability to rise above the mess and meet the challenges of the moment.  Carpe diem!

Who is the boss?

In the past week, I had an experience that is typical of life in my Bangkok.  It is hard for me to explain as it makes no sense when ones tell me one thing, while another dynamic, the direct opposite, is at play.  Welcome to my Bangkok where the real is truly amazing.   

The situation was this. I needed to replace what for me is an expensive item.  So I do what is always best - seek the help of a local - and ask my good Thai friend for his advice.  His reply to me was a typical Thai one I hear given to foreign friends - "I follow you".  That appears as the local way to be agreeable and never rock the boat.  It so fits in with their way of accepting no responsibility in anything for they do not want to be the one taking charge in case something goes wrong.  Just hand it over to the supposedly big guy.  Being western, I would prefer a more direct or assertive reply.  Still that is the way of here.

So off we go to the shopping mall to look and buy.  I listen and observe as my friend does the talking with salesmen at the shops.  I then make my call as best I can.  The deal is done and then my Thai friend tells me what I should have done according to his local knowledge.

I think to myself - Why didn't he tell me what he knew all along to do?  Why now after the event does he give the advice I sought?  I am then left feeling unsure of myself - Did I make the right decision?

Who is the boss here?  Not me.  Welcome to my Bangkok.

24 Hours

Maybe I have written on this theme before but a basic motto for my Bangkok is your life here can change right around in 24 hours or less.   And you know what?  It just keeps happening and this week is yet another testament to this personally held motto.

I am getting ready for a visitor from Australia next week.  Then Tuesday, there is news that the visit is off, and is off for very good reason.  I am involved in planning a key meeting which Tuesday night went from Wednesday to Friday.  I plan my work this week to include a colleague now in Yangon for work.  Tuesday I find out that his return flight has been put back 24 hours by the airline.  So I will not see him this week.

All this does not really matter but it does colour life in my Bangkok and it does make the point.  It means always be flexible; always have Plan B or just accept what it is that one can achieve in life and be happy with that. 

If I remember correctly, John Lennon had a line - "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".  My Bangkok tells me how true. 

Another basic life motto for me is that control does not work.  My Bangkok serves to show how true this is. 

Who am I not?

Underground basilica of early Church in Rome

"The story of a single human person is the history of humanity."
What a WOW line!

This was quoted at last week's Caritas International meeting in Rome I attended by a priest from the Vatican Dicastery for the Promotion on Integral Human Development.  For him, it is a guiding statement for any work in justice and in working for the progress of people.  It comes from a contemporary philosopher.

For me, this says it all.  Each person - you and I - has a basic intrinsic worth that cannot be denied.  Our worth is such that without us, human history is lacking.  Ain't that something!

As I reflected on this insight, I recalled the great line from Nelson Mandela who stressed in his own way that each of us has a contribution to make to the world.  He said we could choose two ways. One is the way of false humility where many reason simply - Who am I o do this or say this in response to our world of injustice? Then other way is the way to go. Realize who we are and claim our greatness and understand clearly - Who am I not to make my statement against injustice in our world? 

The world needs me.  The world needs our voice.  Without any of us, history is lacking.  Wow!!

So last week, I was in Rome at this intense two day meeting on advocacy with people who have much greater experience and capability in this area of work than I have.  I was definitely batting above my weight but I was making my contribution which our world needs.  Wow!  Ain't that a special and precious gift and responsibility to be treasured and shared?    Go for it!